All the replies suggesting I overreacted or I should “grow a thicker skin” are missing the point of the OP. I said he worst part about this story isn’t anything particular to the actual incident itself. It’s the frequency with which such incidents occur. I was simply using that story as a good example. Typically I DO handle such encounters in a different manner than I did in this story but it was a combination of factors that led to me telling him that his words were offensive. I was exhausted, irritable and on that day was not prepared for dealing with such stupidity. Consider it a metaphorical “straw” that broke my metaphorical “back”. Typically I do respond with a sarcastic quip or sharp-tongued joke back. But most times this type of response elicits no better of a response than my OP reply. And I also said that the reason for telling this story was because it showed, in pretty clear ways, the mind-set that many people have towards those with certain disabilities. I wanted to put a real-life face on the concepts I have been discussing (this is for MaGiver). Many people view those with disabilities, those who use wheelchairs, as “lesser thans”. This view is often held subconsciously, due to several factors.
Except what? That doesn’t contradict or change what I said, and there’s nothing wrong with that original reason for joining.
Maybe, maybe not. It remains to be seen I guess.
Huh? I don’t believe he ever stated that he missed any opportunity. But maybe he missed the opportunity to piss in the hot tub to get some good passive-aggressive payback. 
jamie already thinks I’m a heartless shite, so…
I have a ‘friend’, whom I’ve known since I was four years old. This friend thinks he’s the most charming, wittiest, coolest, and gosh-darn-it, Most Interesting Man Alive. In reality he’s an arrogant, shallow, manipulative blowhard. But he won’t – can’t – see himself the way others see him.
jamie, you come off as a very abrasive person with a chip on your shoulder. You, of course, don’t – can’t – see yourself that way. But I think there is ample evidence in your threads that other posters do. Do we have empathy for you? Yes, I think most of us do. Do you raise valid points? Yes, non-handicapped people who park in handicapped spaces are jerks. (I’m sorry, but I can’t agree with your rant against airlines, for reasons I and others posted in that thread. We must agree to disagree.) Are handicapped people treated condescendingly? Yes.
But your delivery is counterproductive. As I said, you come off as a very abrasive person with a chip on your shoulder. If I point that out, it’s just that I’m treating you like anyone else who acts that way.
Is there an example of such abrasiveness in this thread that you could point to? And as a side note, the thread and dialogue about airlines was probably the most productive discussions I have had in my short time here. I learned alot and I think the evolution of my positions within that thread bear this out. You can continue to hold on to the notion of my being some bitter asshole with a chip on his shoulder or you can judge me by what I continue to write. “Chip on his shoulder” should never be confused with “resolve for change”
The thing is, if I break someone’s arm without meaning to, that person is still going to experience pain, even if I really didn’t mean to break that arm. The person would probably experience some emotional pain if I’d deliberately set out to break the arm, granted. But if I’d somehow broken his/her arm while trying to do something nice for him/her, that is also going to hurt that person.
And in this day and age, I’d think that most adults know that patronizing other adults is rude.
I didn’t say this thread. I meant that of the seven threads you started that I’ve read, there are at least four where you come off as abrasive and argumentative. (And don’t think I’m singling you out. There are others here whom I find the same.) When someone disagrees with you, you pull out the ‘You don’t understand me!’ line, or else (condescendingly, which I gather you dislike personally) accuse them of not reading your previous post. When the poster tells you they did, they ‘don’t understand you’. Someone said you come off as ‘Angry Wheelchair Guy’. That’s the impression you’re giving.
From Wiki: ‘One carries a chip on one’s shoulder as a form of physical challenge, inviting opponents to knock the chip off and so provoke a fight. The concept is now metaphorical, describing people who nurse a grudge or grievance that readily provokes fury or disputation.’
Your ‘resolve for change’ comes across to your audience as ‘spoiling for a fight’.
I’m all for pointing out bigotries and prejudices.
But no one likes to be beaten over the head with lectures and sad-sack stories.
We do like sharing our own experiences, though. And being able to have a conversation with someone who’s not just going to turn around and say “You guys just aren’t getting it.”
I mean, what would you have us say in response to your OPs? You can only say “Man, that must suck” so many times.
Y’know, this thread just reminded me, where the hell is Blinkie? I’d love to hear his opinion.
You might want to drop blinkie a PM, not sure how often he does a vanity search.
"From Wiki: ‘One carries a chip on one’s shoulder as a form of physical challenge, inviting opponents to knock the chip off and so provoke a fight. The concept is now metaphorical, describing people who nurse a grudge or grievance that readily provokes fury or disputation.’
Your ‘resolve for change’ comes across to your audience as ‘spoiling for a fight’."
I included this quote from Johnny L.A. because it echoed a similar sentiment. I do not post what I post in any attempt to curry sympathy or comments of “man that must suck”. No, quite the opposite. The replies of “you just don’t get it” are when people seem to be willfully misunderstanding the point I am trying to make. I am writing what I am writing here in attempts to engage people in honest discourse. And there are members here who have responded accordingly. It’s a back and forth. I admit to coming in with “guns ablazing” a little too strongly with the “problem with planes” thread. I also think anyone who is honest would say that I have toned down the abrasiveness quite a bit. It’s a discussion board. I realize this. But that goes for both sides. I can’t have a real discussion with those that go into that discussion thinking I’m just a bitter, angry paraplegic who is taking his personal issues with his disability out on the rest of the world.
And this is where jamie and a lot of you are talking past each other. Do you see the difference between “giving folks a break” and “feeling pain and irritation”?
jamie, I’ve often been accused on these boards of being overzealous and having a chip on my shoulder because I complain (usually in spaces designated specifically for complaining, no less) about insults and injustices I face because of my sexual orientation and gender presentation. There are so many ways to derail a conversation on oppression-related subjects, and people who can’t relate to what you’re facing instinctively reach for them. Unfortunately this board isn’t always a safe space to look for support and empathy on oppression-related subjects.
No, we understand – we just disagree. There’s a big difference.
You, in particular, have made a point, in every single post that you have contributed to any of my threads, to be as disagreeable and cynical as possible. There has not been a single instance of you agreeing with anything I’ve had to say or conceding any of the points I’ve been trying to make. Now I find this to be indicative of someone with no intention of engaging in honest discourse but rather someone who just wants to be scornfully contrarian at every opportunity.
Or she just disagrees with everything you have to say.
I understand that it must be annoying to be treated in a patronizing manner or receive unsolicited offers of unnecessary help. However, I also get from your posts that you clearly don’t want to be handled like a delicate flower. So here’s some honesty from one equal to another. You are oversensitive about how people view and treat people who need wheelchairs. People need wheelchairs for a wide variety of reasons. Lots of them are not as self reliant as you appear to be. People are not mind readers. Can you blame them for not magically knowing which special accommodations you personally appreciate, such as handicapped parking, and which you personally find annoying, such as holding a door open?
I get it dude. You feel that people pity you, and you do not think that you are a pitiable person, so this upsets you. If it matters to you, I’d rather live in a world where there was a slight overabundance of pity than a world with not enough of it.
Yes, **jamie **has created a reputation for himself as Angry Wheelchair Guy in other threads he has started, but in *this *OP he is completely right. If the scenario happened the way he says it did, then the guy in the hot tub was a condescending prick. If the man had just asked **jamie **if he needed help, that would be one thing. (I would not see that as an offense, perhaps **jamie **would.) But saying “I see you did that all by yourself, Champ!” is so completely out of line. It would never ever occur to me to speak to a human being over the age of 6 like that. That’s not trying to be nice, that’s acting like a dick. It’s no different than saying “Hey little lady, you opened that jar all by yourself! Way to go!”
Mr. Charges-For-The-Door to Hold-It-Open might have been a Boy Sprout bent on his good deed of the day… but I digress.
I try to treat a chaired person like a mom with stroller or anyone with too many groceries.
I ask them: May I help? If they say Yes! I help. if not, I let them do whatever it is… So far, nobody has raged at me 
Look at the responses in this thread. This is not simple disagreement. I know this board, and I know that they don’t get behind people being treated like a child for a disability. Heck, they usually are all over telling people not to park in handicapped spaces and mostly agree not to use handicapped stalls. And, about holding doors–they are all over saying you shouldn’t do it for people who don’t want it.
People are willing to disagree with very basic things that they’ve always agreed with just to say crap about this guy. Whether Guin is one of them I don’t know, as I honestly don’t remember what else she’s said. But her claim that it’s just about disagreement is laughable on its face. People who just disagree don’t employ the tactics matt_mcl mentioned.
Furthermore, people who disagree with people can still acknowledge what they are saying. You did it yourself, while still saying you were being frank. Had more of the responses been like yours, I’m sure none of this would have ever started.
No, you clearly do not “get it, dude”. One poster (I forget the name) put it very well, they were referring to me getting in and out of the jacuzzi but the point relates to the world in general; They said something to the effect of, “I wouldn’t ask him if he needs help, I figure he got himself here this far, he probably knows what he is doing.” THIS is so key. One of the ways in which people view those with disabilities is the view that they are unstable and unsure of themselves, simply because of who they are-and thus should always be asked if they need help. The respect is rarely shown that they are competent adults who probably know what they are doing, and if they need help with something they will ask. And for you to equate the need and the right for essential space to successfully park/enter my vehicle to the patronizing actions of those who take it upon themselves to race across a room to beat me to a door in order to “help me out” by holding it for me is INSANE. And I don’t have an “appreciation” for accessible parking-I have a need. And a right. I shouldn’t even respond to such absolute NONSENSE. But I sure this response will be viewed by you and others like Guintastia, as more “chip on his shoulder” whining. I’m not appealing to you.
Of course it would be coming, and well it should. I would say the same thing if I saw someone carrying an unwieldy package or three armloads of bags at once. It’s natural to desire to assist for those of us raised in a household with manners. I honestly think that you would have done better to make eye contact to begin with, like any human acknowledging the presence of another human. Avoiding eye contact will only make the situation less comfortable.
I have to agree with some of the other posts here. It seems that you are completely opposed to people acknowledging your condition in any way. Whether they intend to help or simply gawk, you take both with equal offense. I read in one of your previous posts that you have been in a wheel chair for 11 years. Perhaps as time goes by you will get more acclimated to the fact that people going out of their way to assist you Shouldn’t hurt if they are polite about it, and let any legitimately condescending comments roll off your back.
I have lived with a highly capable paraplegic for over 20 years. He owns his own business, does all of his own mechanic work, and is for all intents and purposes as mobile as any of us, even without the use of his legs. However, he is always perfectly willing to admit when he needs help, and decline politely if someone asks when he doesn’t. At worst, he will give overly persistent people a wan smile before moving on with his life. They won’t be around him for very long anyway. It just seems like a much healthier way to deal with things than installing yourself on a soapbox.
No, all the replies suggest the guy was a jerk. How you don’t understand we’re on your side in this is mind boggling. However, your pointless op goes nowhere along with your other posts and THAT suggests you should grow a thicker skin.
You’re a mental hand grenade actively looking for someone to pull your pin. You have all the time in the world to think up ways to verbally handle the things that so irritate you but you’d rather blog it out with no real theme. Suffice it to say, we actually understand that it’s irritating but you don’t understand that it’s eating you up for no good reason.