Let’s recap here. You saw a guy. He’s cute, but his affect “looked off,” and he’s said “some off the wall things.” You finally speak to him - briefly - then send your girl pal to break the ice for you. And the guy deflects your overture.
At this point, I’d say your odds aren’t very good.
But the goods are, apparently, odd.
I was wondering what happened to Multiple Sclerosis guy, but digging around I see that there was a smelly Satanist after him.
There’s no normal anymore.
I know really nice off people. Some I’m related to.
Some just hang around in the shadows.
Just be careful.
Y’know,… it’s always possible that, ‘Not right now’, meant, not this way, not in front of my friend/all these people. Maybe his feet WERE dirty, or he hadn’t showered. Or, perhaps he needs to be the asker.
People who are, ‘going through some stuff right now’, are likely over represented at church dinners etc. Respect that. Maybe he needs to get some stuff sorted before he’ll feel ready for such an encounter.
Try just being patient and letting him make any next move. Don’t overthink it, take him at his word, ‘Not right now.’ Drop it entirely for now, and wait to see.
From Canada, right? Where “no” means “are you fucking kidding me? Why, I outta…”
Actually, she clarified it was Not now, not not right now.
nitpicking.
“Not now” left the door open, maybe just a crack. The ball is now in his court, let him make the next move.
I wouldn’t put my life on hold waiting but if both of you attend on a regular basis you should get some sort of answer in due time, either he talks to you, says “hi” or otherwise group social with you. If he completely ignores you or makes a point to avoid you, give it up.
Many reasons for “not now” instead point blank “not interested” Middle of a divorce, health/financial issues, etc…
“We’ll see”
MEANS NO.
“Not now”
MEANS NO.
“Ask your father”
MEANS NO.
“Ask your mother”
MEANS NO.
“Maybe when you’re older”
MEANS NO.
“We’ll discuss it later”
MEANS NO.
“Is your bed made?”
NO!
“Is your room clean?”
NO!
“What do you think?”
NO, NO, NO!
Sounds to me like your church dinners are the last place you want to be looking for the next great romance. And that “not now”, that’s a definite no. You’ve registered your interest, if this particular lame duck wants to change his mind, let him come and find you instead.
It shouldn’t be necessary to get as far as rejection though.
Ask a couple smalltalky questions, the same kind you might ask any person. See if he reciprocates with questions about you, or at least does something to keep the conversation going. If so, start to talk about other interests you have outside of church. The hook up can happen organically.
Or, alternatively, you just internally note: this is going nowhere. This way things also stay friendly.
I shouldn’t have jumped the gun. He interesting to talk to. I am doing nothing, if he approaches, well, we’ll see.
That seems best to me. If he wants more interaction it will happen.
Maybe😊
Sit. Stay!
I wouldn’t worry about it. He may have noted your interest but feel that he isn’t in a position to do anything about it. If he’s homeless himself, he is probably trying to focus on getting himself into better circumstances and that is taking all his energy.
Just keep living your life as best you can. Maybe you will meet someone else. Maybe not. Focus on keeping your own life together and see what happens.
I say this because after years of looking for love in all the wrong places, I determined that I should learn to live with, and improve, myself. That’s when a good relationship appeared on my horizon. The relationship is over, due to distance and other issues but I still treasure that it happened. Maybe it will happen to you.
Worst case scenario is that he doesn’t want to initiate anything with you unless and until he can figure out a way of cheating on his present partner without either of you finding out.
It could mean he is currently in a bad relationship and wants to break ties before he even begins anything with you.
It could mean that he has to decide whether or not he likes you enough to get the ball rolling.
I want you to know that I’m really glad you’re here as a poster, and this isn’t meant to be mean, but…
You really know how to pick ‘em.
How about considering yourself lucky that this guy was standoffish?
You can do better. Aim high.
BTW.
Where’s this veritable Disneyland of free food and cute crazy guys?
Wonder if they can accommodate my food restrictions?
The homeless outreach lunch served at many urban or semi-suburban churches.