From True Lies:
Simon:
Oh God, no, no don’t kill me. I’m not a spy. I’m nothing. I’m navel lint. I have to lie to women to get laid, and I don’t score much. I got a little dick, it’s pathetic.Wha, uh, oh God. Would a spy pee himself, huh? Please, I’m not worth a bullet.
and of course this is in the wrong forum…
Moving to Cafe Society from GQ.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
Hudson: That’s it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?
From Aliens, of course.
“Hans, what’s with the gun? This is radio, not television.”
Ellis, Die Hard
John Turturro as Bernie in Miller’s Crossing:
At least he went out with his dignity intact.
From “The Tick”, Arthur’s battle cry:
“Not in the face! Not in the face!”
“I’ve never owned a gun, I don’t believe in them. When the kids played Cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.”
-Sheldon, Death to Smoochie
From Doctor Who, “The Sound of Drums”:
Doctor: He stood in front of the Untempered Schism. It’s a gap in the fabric of reality through which could be seen the whole of the vortex. We stand there, eight years old, staring at the raw power of Time and Space, just a child. Some would be inspired. Some would run away. And some would go mad.
Martha: What about you?
Doctor: Oh, the one that ran away! Never stopped.
OK, so he didn’t exactly pee on himself that we know of, but it was a nice change from all the “Oncoming Storm” and “Destroyer of Worlds” stuff.
From “The Fairly Oddparents”
Cosmo: Look! There’s still enough pretty color for one of us to slide down the Rainbow Bridge! Wow, there wasn’t a manly word in that sentence!
The first thing that came to my mind when I read your title was some dialog from an old movie I saw in my early teens. Yellowneck (1955) was a low-budget film that nevertheless has stuck with me for over 50 years. I couldn’t find the text of the passage I remembered, but fortunately YouTube provides the entire movie in 10 sections if any of you want to watch it all. The portion I remember that fits this thread’s concept starts at about 3:20 in Yellowneck 9/10 (1955) and continues for most of the rest of the clip.
“I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.”
—Xander Harris, *Buffy the Vampire Slayer *
Loretta: I don’t even know you.
Johnny Hooker: You know me. I’m the same as you. It’s two in the morning and I don’t know nobody.
_ Robert Redford in The Sting
Q
Afraid? Me? A man who’s licked his weight in wild caterpillars?* Afraid? *. . . You bet I’m afraid.
-Groucho Marx, Monkey Business, 1931
—“Dangerous”
Woody Allen: “If a MAN said that to me, I’d break his neck!”
Rival: “I am a man!”
Woody: “Well, I meant a much shorter man…”
From “Love and Death”
Brave Sir Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!
ARTHUR: Well, we’ll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit’s dynamite.
ROBIN: Would it help to confuse him if we ran away more?
Annie Hall
Annie: [My therapist] mentioned penis envy. Do you know about that?
Alvy: Me? I’m, I’m one of the few males who suffers from that.
Alvy: They did not take me in the Army. I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I’m a hostage.
Sleeper
I’m not the heroic type. Really. I was beaten up by Quakers.
From the original Battlestar Galactica- Starbuck is being held prisoner by some Centurions:
“Colonial Warriors are trained to resist torturOW! Careful! I bruise easy!”
\
One of my all-time favorites.