Note to self:
When the electric bill comes in a pink envelope, don’t ignore it, or the house will soon be dark.
You have to depress the clutch, or the car won’t start. There is nothing wrong with the starter, or the fuel pump. Don’t panic. It’s a fail-safe to keep the car from lurching forward when you start it. Cars have had this since before you got your license. If you cannot remember this after 25 years of driving stick, you are probably not awake enough to safely operate a motor vehicle. Go inside, wash your face with cold water, take a No-Doz, and try again.
Note to self:
That immediate reflex action to try and catch something that falls off a high shelf is a good thing - unless that ‘something’ happens to be a very sharp knife. 
Note to self.
Before starting to practice, make sure the cat isn’t sleeping in the bass drum.
No, I don’t have a drum set. I read that somewhere else.
But from personal experience, don’t put coffee grounds in the water reservoir.
Note to self: Coffee cups obey the laws of physics, just like every other beverage container. If one puts too much coffee in the cup before adding cream, it is literally impossible to force additional cream into an already-full cup, even if you concentrate really, really hard and use Jedi mind tricks.
After cunningly calling your cellphone from your landline to locate it don’t then return the missed call. You’ll be running in and out of the house until you fall over.
It also helps to put the coffee into the filter…a pot full of hot water first thing in the morning is not nearly as invigorating as you’d think.
A Catch-22 devised by Loki himself.
The need to have coffee to be able to make coffee.
Note to self: Calling your cell phone to locate it right after putting the baby down for a nap will reveal that the phone is in close proximity to the baby with the ringer turned up real loud, so just check there first.
My husband “lost” his phone, so I called his number. He thought I was SO smart for thinking to do that. I guess he’s excused because he’s an old fart and not used to carrying a pocket computer. NOT!
Note to self: It doesn’t matter how nice that stray cat seems to be, don’t try to pick it up and stuff it in a carrier. That’s what humane traps are made for. (side note…I seem to never remember this and have the scars to prove how stooped I am.)
Note to self: For optimum results, the dishwasher must have soap, and be connected to water.
Note to Husband: Yelling at me about something that you have not previously mentioned is not helpful.
Only one contact lens per eye, please. Thank You.
Obligatory and hilarious video.
If you’re starting with whole beans, it’s also important to grind them first. Coffee made with whole beans is awfully weak.
Remember to remove the paper film on top of the yogurt before you dump it into the blender to make lassi…
(no matter how fine you blend it, it still remains bits of paper…)
That is the one mistake I’ve yet to make, with respect to coffee preparation.
But we’ve still got 6 weeks left in the year…
Note to friend making mango margaritas - you must remove the skin off the mango. Mango skin is not yummy.
When you drive out of the cold parking garage into a mild evening, you will get condensation on all glass surrounding you, including the rear view mirror. Do not wipe the mirror off with a tissue that has lotion embedded in it. It will coat your rear view and make you very confused about WTF just happened to my mirror?!!?
Note to self: the remote is for the big, black hanging box on the wall, not the big, hulking man lounging in his recliner. Pointing it at him while he’s talking will not get him to stop.
Similarly, telling someone to “pause it” will only gain you quizzical looks.
Note to friend making green drinks in my parents’ blender: please remember to remove pit from avocado.