The mechanical toaster oven timer ticks and rings even if it’s not plugged in. (“My stuff’s been in there for 10 minutes and it’s still cold, what the hell?!”) :smack:
Note to self #2: the toaster oven doesn’t toast unless it’s set to “toast.” (“It’s on, but my stuff’s not toasting, what the hell?!”) :smack::smack:
Mrs. B.'s most common note to self: “No matter how carefully you set the cooking cycle, microwaves don’t do anything unless you push Start.”
Note to self, even though the dog pooped an hour ago bring a bag when you walk him because he will poop again if he sees you don’t have a bag.
Note to self - Coffee maker works just fine - helps if you fill the water tank.
Note #1: Oddly enough, if you just set the carafe full of water on the coffee pot’s hot plate, all you get is hot water. Weird.
Note #2: When flipping something that’s cooking in a pan that contains hot fat, flip the food away from yourself.
Note #3: Ice cream goes in the freezer. That’s door #2 on the left.
NtS: Even though the car has remote start, you still have to put the key in the ignition to pull away. No matter how many times you try to shift into drive.
Mrs. B.'s comment: What the hell good are “notes to self” about coffee? You can’t/won’t read them until you have some java in you, so…
Filter first, then coffee.
Note to self: if anyone really cares about what you have to say, they’ll ask you.
I like this one. I often say that if I can make the coffee, I must not really need it. 
Supplementary toaster oven note to self: the timer going off DOES NOT turn off the heating element. (on the model I have, anyway)
I was going to post “…and push the button to make it start” (yesterday’s issue), but Mrs. B. has a point. It’s a vicious circle.
Note to self:
The booming economy and resulting employment glut has resulted in horrific Silicon Valley traffic. You MUST get started fifteen minutes earlier than is your wont. It doesn’t matter that you’ve followed the same morning schedule for fifteen years; things are different now, and the time to remember this is while you are blearily drinking your espresso at 5:10 a.m.
Get started earlier!
Note to self: Once you have filled your mug with dishwashing liquid and water and set it to soak, you can no longer take a drink out of it. (Fortunately I caught that one just in time, or it would have been nasty.)
Never! Never, ever! Not even once! Utter the words, 'well, it couldn’t get any worse!"
When you do so, you are effectively challenging all the Gods in heaven for a demonstration of how much worse it can indeed be!
You could end up in an emergency room, just sayin’.
Note to self: Black dogs are hard to see at night. Especially when they are laying on your floor making like a rug. And they are 135 pounds and the size of a small bear.
Note to self: Do not carry cats at night with the lights out.
Note to self: You are not “smrt” when you are woken up in the middle of the night or you would remember the first NtS. Or the second. Either one would be good.
… especially when nekkid. Yes, I have the scars to prove it. Stoopit cat.
Never say “Hey! The cat didn’t barf today!” You’ll be proven wrong almost immediately.
Likewise, if you fill the water reservoir but not the coffee filter, you get hot filtered water. I don’t mind the occasional cup of decaf, but that’s waaay more decaf than I prefer.
I don’t trust my food-flipping skills far enough to try even that. Tongs. Gentle turning. If I try anything resembling “flipping”, someone’s gonna wind up with 3rd degree burns and I’ll have to clean up grease anyway.
Also the reverse. Did you know that most fresh vegetables don’t respond well to being frozen overnight? Especially if you were going to use them fresh.
Cats have acute hearing. Maybe not acute memory. So all you’re doing is reminding him.
“Oh, yeah, I neglected to decorate the carpet today. Thanks for the reminder! You get an extra-special treat today; I’ve been cleaning myself MOST VIGOROUSLY.”