Okay guys and girls, here’s the deal. I have decided that I would like to have my very own SDMB stalker! Those interested in the position should list their qualifications and a short explanation of why the feel they would be the best applicant for the position.
All applicants will be considered 
Oh, you already know exactly why I should be your stalker. Stop pretending like you don’t.
How was that?
oh okay.
My qualifications:
How about the fact that I’ve met you in person, read all your posts that I can, try to say silly things to you when it looks cool, you made my list of total hotties (ask pucette, she’s seen the list)… and I’m willing to do anything it takes to be your stalker.
Does that work?
My application form is neatly placed under your chair. Those included mints are the kind I saw you buying that time I decided we were going to be together forever.
I’d do it…but stalking sounds HARD…
whine
I eat a lot of oreos.
Sorry, already stalking someone else. Luckily, she’s stalking ME, too.
Nothing more embarassing than a one-sided stalk…
What a great looking lot of stalkers and stalker-ettes that have assembled thus far!
As of now, the only one cut from the list is mouthbreather because quite frankly, he scares me. He may be able to get back in my good graces upon the gifting of some of those oreos.
Anamorphic is off to a great start and shows serious potential.
vanilla is a babe and thinks I’m adorable. Perhaps she misread the job title and believes she is applying for the “mistress” position? She has spunk though… she is still in the race!
Mr. Miskatonic has a nice attention to detail which is something I like to see in my stalkers. Keep up the good work!
I am dissapointed to see Guinastasia and Lightnin’ drop out of the race so quickly but I understand. Stalking can be a demanding career.
Finally,
TruePisces actually keeps a PHYSICAL list of hot dopers which in itself is quite scary and frankly makes her the lead candidate at this time. Dont let that get you down though. It’s still early in the application process and no one has the job yet.
Anybody else ready for the most exciting job of their lives?
:rolleyes:
I’ve gotta make sure to get on the ball then and keep my lead. Off to the search function to find good stalk-able posts.
Turn around and look out your window. See me waving to you? OK, now just let me in and we’ll discuss the reasons why I should be your stalker. No, really, we’ll just talk. Promise.
Just be sure to tie your shoelace before you leave your computer desk. I wouldn’t want our destiny to be hurt over such a minor…little thing…
Quijibo? QUIJIBO?!
It’s spelt “kwyjibo”
K
W
Y
J
I
B
O
As your stalker, you will find that I’ll always be there to lend a helpful stalker hand. From my love of the Simpsons to my love of punk music, especially Less Than Jake, you’ll find we were meant to be stalker and stalkee. Please consider JBERGES as your newest friend…your ONLY FRIEND…THE BEST DAMN FRIEND EVER!!!
Uh…stalkers get paid…right?
DOH!!!
ah, but do any of them send you pictures of bananas?
hmmmmm?
Oh and I forgot to mention… **JBERGES **
DISQUALIFED
You should not correct your potential employer 
I think that you are prefectly adorable. I find your pit rants amusing and…wait a second…you aren’t celestina. Well this is embarrassing…
Although I don’t really have any professional experience stalking, I did complete a summer internship as a stalker on Capitol Hill and I’ve been an amateur stalker since the age of 16. I’m enthusiastic that this is a line of work that I’d like to pursue and I hope that you’ll give me the opportunity to live out my dreams.
My qualifications:
[ul]
[li]I have a familiarity with the various states’ laws concerning restraining orders.[/li][li]I’ve seen Fatal Attraction 76 times.[/li][li]I will not be ignored.[/li][li]I am available 24/7 for your emergency-stalking needs.[/li][li]I can provide references from my amateur stalking portfolio from Dustin Diamond, Nancy McKeon, Gil Gerard, and the cast of Misfits of Science.[/li][/ul]
I look forward to being your stalker.
Alright, alright, I know where I’m not wanted to stalk.
At least do a Simpsons geek a favor and correct the name…
Sigh…we could have been a great team.
::Laments over what could have been, gets up quietly, and slowly walks away::
I don’t want to sleep with ya, I just want to hear you play.
Sincerely,
(you know who I am)
can I at least be a runner up?