Now taking applications for my sdmb stalker!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

pezpunk, nothing would please me more to write up a long essay detailing exactly why I should be your stalker… sadly, I just had all four wisdom teeth removed yesterday, and not only am I in a bit of pain and all loopy from painkillers, but I don’t think I can muster up the strength, seeing as how I haven’t eaten on over 48 hours.

So basically, I think I should win based purely on sympathy.

If not, then I’d like to play the “I’m young, cute, and like punk music” card.

And, I’m willing to build a shrine.

thank you for taking my application into consideration when choosing a stalker. and remember… I know where you live. :slight_smile:

22

note: any and all typos in the above post can be attributed to my being all loopy and whatnot

23

well, i live roughly 10,000 miles away… but you neer know… through the advances in technology it could be feasible. I’d like to put up my hand!

tigers are good at stalking :stuck_out_tongue:

24

Why I would make a good stalker…by MamaHen

  1. I have never seen you so I’m not after you just for your looks!
  2. I’ve had heated involved fantasies about cheese.
  3. I’m a minority, how many other chickens are asking for this job?
  4. I would never kill one of your pets, piss me off though and the stuffed animal guts will fly!
  5. I really like stuffed animals and it’s almost impossible to piss me off.
  6. I once worked for a phone sex line so at least my stalker calling could be intersting.
  7. I know all the words to every song I ever wrote.
  8. I won’t drop you without a reason to stalk someone else.
  9. If you pick me, I’ll never ask you to bail me out of jail!
  10. Because I’m asking really nicely! Pretty please!!!
25

**Wisest Novel & Mr. Miskatonic ** - You guys weren’t watching when I was doing that thing with the bannana and two midget wrestlers? Did you? :eek:

Bad News Baboon - True. Also pictures of men in diapers. I’m not sure how that qualifies you exactly though.

drayton - Pretty common mistake. Happens ALL the time. Don’t worry about it.

finnofranco - You would make a GREAT candidate! Anyone who stalked screech is tops in my book!

igotit - You lose… the attentive stalker would have already heard me play by checking out my webpage (name changed at the request of one JBERGES! HMPH!

AndYrAStar - Poor you… I had my wisdom teeth out not very long ago. Pity hirings are not possible though. Perhaps if you take a lot of pain killers and get kind of doped up I can consider you as a drug crazed stalker.

tigergirl - Milage is not a factor. Skill however is. Bring it on!

MamaHen - You provide a great argument!

This is the kind of loyalty I am looking for!

I must tell you all though that the only applicant actively stalking me still is TruePisces. Remember that I am looking for an SDMB stalker so get out there and start showing me your skills!

26

The poster posting above me is my stalking victim! hee hee

27

The position of mistress is open?
Good. I can mist with the best of them!
Fly me downt here and I will “audition”!
ha!

28

Oh, but I AMstalking you - I am just doing such an effecient job that you haven’t noticed. i didn’t see the word “clumsy” mentioned when you were describing your potential stalker’s must have-qualities.

please forgive me if this post makes absolutely no sense, drug crazed-ness and all…

29

pezpunk, why would I want to be your stalker, when I know that we’re meant to be together for all of eternity? Why stalk? It seems completely contrary to nature to fight the inevitable - spending every waking hour thinking of nothing but each other. I know in my heart that if only we could meet, you would KNOW what I’ve known for so long - that we’re absolute soulmates, and noone can stand in the way of that. That I’ll make damned sure of…

Oh, wait. I’m sorry, this post was meant for the Anna Kournikova…

I’m so embarrassed…

30

Pezzy ,

I have been thinking. you are TOO important to have a simple everyday Stalker. Your Stalker should spend more quality time on obsessing over *you *

Therefore, I suggest being your Stalker’s assistance or intern.
A girl Friday of sorts.

Suppose your Stalker is busy downloading files about your credit history. Should s/he spend valuable time going to Starbucks?

I think not.

Suppose your Stalker needs to buy rope. Should s/he spend time looking up rope costs vs. strength ratios?

I think not.

I can help look up info on the net, such as which nails go through tires effectively and what brand of MEK cuts through paint quicker.

31

That was a plastic bannana and 5’ 1" is hardly a midget.

Its OK though. I your ONE true destiny, forgive you for these indiscretions.

32

SINCE I HAVE ALREADY BEEN DISQUALIFIED I WOULD JUST LIEK TO SAY NOW IS THE TIME WHEN I GO BERZERK. PEZPUNK YOU WILL CURSE THE DAY YOU DISQUALIFIED ME. I WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS AND CUT OFF YOUR LIMBS.

I WILL BE BY AROUND 11:40 TONIGHT. BE READY, YOU ELITIST FUCKPIG.

[hijack]

Nice Monkey Lady, I got my package yesterday. You rock the free world. Thanks! Why aren’t you on AIM?

[/hijack]

33

NOW THATS THE SPIRIT!!!

Mouthbreather is back in the running!

34

sweet.

35

I forgot to mention that I really like Bad News Baboon’s “stalkers assitant” idea. Since she came up with it, she gets it!

Congratulations Bad News!

The race so far looks good. The list is as follows:

  1. True pisces
  2. mouthbreather
  3. Vanilla (for both the mistress and stalking position)
  4. Mr. Miskatonic
  5. AndYrAStar
  6. Finnofranco
  7. Mamahen
  8. Tigergirl
  9. Anamorphic
  10. igotit

In that order. It’s still anyones game though and new applicants are still being accepted. So show me whatcha got!

[sub]pezppunk does not discriminate in employment on the basis of race, color, national origin, age, sex, sexual orientation, disability, veteran or marital status or other protected status covered by federal, state or local law.[/sub]

36

I changed my mind after listening to your music completley. I don’t want to be your stalker anymore, I want to be your “band aid”.

“We don’t sleep with the band, we are there for the music.”
“but blow jobs are ok? right?” ~quote from Almost Famous :wink:

I had no chance being in tenth place, so I surrender.

37

I have decided that the only way to win is to change styles. I therefore announce that I am beomcing a [False victimization stalker](http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Campus/5925/whostalks.htm#False Victimization) !

As all of you should have known if you knew both sides of the story it is painfully obvious that pezpunk is the cause of all my woes. Just look that way the mockery oozes with the midget comments and the bannanas.

I resolve I will chase, hunt and persue pezpunk to the ends of the earth until pezpunk no longer stalks me.

38

Now that I’m home, it’s time to get back to my stalking duties (damn job that won’t let me on the damn internet during the damn day so I can’t see what wonderful, sexy pezpunk is up to)

I refuse to relinquish my lead.

39

I suppose the best way to win this is to become a drug-crazed obsessive stalker. The kind that leave you chocolates on your front step, and at the same time, write their name in blood on your car windshield.

Only maybe without the blood.

::takes situation into consideration, decides to smash Mr. Miskatonic across the kneecaps with an whooping crane for good measure::

40

also, please note sig.