These are the stories we journalists get on our knees and pray for every night.
Wow… that’s one where you’d really, really hope the police cruiser had a dash cam with a mic. Imagine that police officer, not only did he have to arrest this guy, but he’s going to have to sit in court and testify about it. I doubt that I could manage either with a straight face.
Ha! Aren’t we all just looking for a place to party? Stay glistening, Crisco Man! And continue staying classy, Quad Cities! 
I am shocked - shocked, I say - to learn that drugs were involved in this incident.
I’m getting old. When I hear “Crisco”, I think of solid shortening, not cooking spray.
Sounds like a slippery character.
(You KNEW somebody was gonna say it.)
That’s exactly what I was going to say. I was picturing some guy slopped in white blobs not glistening in a sheen.
Somewhere, there’s a rookie with a bottle of cleaning solution and a sponge who is shaking his head and wondering if those seat stains will Ever come out… 
And people wonder why cannibals have such high cholesterol.
He would have been far healthier, and tastier, if he had covered himself in canola oil.
Really! So inconsiderate of him not to use real Crisco. Then we could have made Little Baby’s Ice Cream jokes.
Randy Travis made bail?
You can’t blame the guy for looking. I mean, a party with oiled-up naked people? How fun is that!
In my head, the story continues:
“The officer spread plastic sheeting in the back of the cruiser. The suspect slipped out, and was subsequently charged with attempted escape”.
I wish he was beat up.
“Man oiled in Crisco, battered by cops.”
chuckle
Looking for a place to party where the entry door doesn’t have a knob.
He wanted to attend the party, but he was too tall to fit through the door. So he set about shortening himself.
If he was deaf, this would have totally have been life imitating Family Guy.