I’ve just eaten a packet of mixed nuts and my tummy is now sending out smoke signals that it is very upset with me.
I’m sure it’s the almonds fault, they were looking at me with their little almond minds going “we will extract revenge upon you for this heinous crime. Think you can eat us do you well we’ll show you.”
For a while there the almonds tricked me into believing it was the macadamia’s fault but then I remembered that their honey coating would make them too sweet to pull such a stunt as this.
Well almonds - nuts to you!
“Hey, you! Are you almond minded or something?!”
Oh, I just have to use that, some day. 
I’m always suspicious of the everyday peanut, myself. They look so average and normal that you don’t pay close enough attention to them, then WHAMMO !
Upon further consideration I’m wondering if the Brazil Nuts didn’t decide that my stomach would be a great place to host a nutty Mardi Gras.
Umm… must be secret women’s business I don’t understand.
I’m just going to back out of this thread v-e-r-y slowly and leave you all to it. I didn’t see anything, promise.
uh…bye.
slam
[sub]sound of footsteps disappearing down the alley. A clatter of metal and a muffled curse as TLD trips over a garbage bin, then the sound of a car door slamming shut slightly after the tyres have begun to spin…[/sub]
Would anyone like my nuts? They’re in the coffee cup.
I spent most of the morning picking the walnuts, cashews, and almonds out of my brand new 3 lb. tub of trail mix. Now I have nothing left but a joyous melange of dates, pineapple wedges, papya chunks, raisins and dried apricots. Okay, about 1 lb. of flaked coconut, but I can deal with that better than the nuts.
And I did use a pair of tweezers (sterilized), so there are no fingerprints or germies on the nuts. But the fruits (and coconut, ick) are for my consumption only! 