Golden. Golden. Golden.
I had to go all the way to Amazon to get the name right.
Golden. Golden. Golden.
Granddaughter. I meant granddaughter. Now leggo my arm.
Why are we all assuming that the Astor Place Barnes & Noble will not have multiple copies of Eve’s book? Hell, rave reviews in PUBLISHERS WEEKLY and KIRKUS, a mention in this week’s NEW YORKER, I’m sure her publisher is working the phone right now making sure every superstore in Manhattan has plenty of stock! That’s what publishers do, isn’t it?
Actually, I’m the adopted daughter of Fay Holden—Bill gave me up at birth, when my birth Mom (Marilyn Monroe) was murdered by my real dad, Robert Kennedy. But that’s another story . . .
Hmmm . . . Ike, I already KNEW you had an impressive horn. I just don’t recall it having pearl fittings. But the bar at the Algonquin was dark that night . . .
—That particularly talented Bryn Mawr Girl
Official Countdown to the SDMB NYC Open House and Oktoberfest
Four Days and Counting
Before we bring you today’s news update, as a public service to those of you who are just joining us on this new page, we bring you the a summary of the event:
When:
Saturday, April 15, 2000. 7:00 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time (or a couple of hours earlier for those who want to hang around with SaxFace, or more importantly, get the happy hour–sorry Sax) until the cows come home (and you know about those NYC cows.
Where:
Acme Eats (a/k/a Acme Bar and Grill)
9 Great Jones Street (not to be confused with any lesser Jones Streets)
(between Broadway and Lafayette Street)
New York, New York 10003
More details (and link to map) available here.
Who: (so far)
Planning to attend: Biggirl, Billdo, Blue Twylight, brooklyn44, Democritus, DrMatrix (with SO), Gin & Soda With a Twist of Lemon Chick (formerly known as the Beer Chick), Green Bean, Joe_Cool (with a dead body), Lux Fiat, manhattan, psycat90, SaxFace, Surgoshan, TubaDiva, Ukelele Ike
Maybes: Alphagene, Martin from San Franscisco, ryan
Taking our hearts, removing them from our rib cages, throwing them on the ground, and grinding them under their heels: Eve, Fillet, cmkeller, SisterRiddles, SwimmingRiddles, SwimmingRiddles crabby friend.
In today’s news, SaxFace and Ukulele Ike were seen cavorting in midtown Manhattan today, ducking in and out of music stores and noodle shops, while rumours of conspiracy swirl. When asked about his activities, Uke responded: “no, really, all I was doing was trying to get my . . . um . . . saxaphone . . . the pearl-keyed one, yeah that one . . . fixed.” Soon after their meeting became public, SaxFace’s publicist announced that she would have to leave Saturday’s get-together early, claiming “a bitchin’ birthday party.” Ike’s remarkably predictable response was to say he would get there two hours early to commence drinking.
In another meeting just narrowly averted by her own difficulties in gender perception, Biggirl recently missed running into SaxFace at Loki. Next time SaxFace will be be able to make the connection when she sees a woman described as “big nose, big head, big all over” with two burly guys.
In other Biggirl news, her son was recently the Brooklyn representative at the New York National Geographic bee, narrowly missing advancement to the national finals on a question asking what country’s sovereignty was saved by national hero Arnold Winkelried. In preparation for next year’s competition, Biggirl is requiring him to spend 4-6 hours on the SDMB every day (no, wait, that’s us). Biggirl’s son’s comment on the situation was “gee, the history of [url=http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum3/HTML/007444.html]17th Century Maryland is really neat.”
Isolated reports have been coming in that a previously unknown terrorist group is planning to incite a riot in the East Village this weekend over shortages of Eve Golden’s new book on Anna Held (recently mentioned in the New Yorker). Mayor Giuliani has promised to flood the area with police to prevent any outbreak. Hillary Clinton dismissed this as a cheap political ploy and another sign of the Mayor’s uncaring attitude to early 20th century Broadway stars. When asked for a reaction SwimmingRiddles responded “Damn. I’m missing the riot, too.”
Hey—I got off a perfectly corking double-entendre about Ukulele Ike’s “horn” and it didn’t make the round-up? That does it, I really AM going to that sex-and-opium orgy with Dex in Philly!
Billdo, you are gonna scare Demo, he has this irrational fear of snipers on rooftops, you see. Poor guy is gonna need a neckbrace by Monday. 
Looking forward to meeting everyone.
See you then! xoxo
Billdo, I’ve really enjoyed reading these updates. See you all on Saturday.
Come on Eve, if I had to use every perfectly corking double-entendre you set up I would never be able to get any sleep because I’d be spending so long writing the damn thing, and it’d probably would crash the board when it finally got posted. Give a guy a break, wouldya.
You don’t have a thing to worry about. I’ll have the jury eating out of my hand. Meanwhile, try to escape.
Sig by Wally M7, master signature architect to the SDMB
As time has gone on, I’ve become less and less keen on the idea of wandering around the subway/Grand Central all by my lonesome after a night of wild bacchanalia, so I’m sucking it up and inviting a friend of mine along, and bracing myself for the inevitable smirks when I tell him I’m meeting people “offline.”
He’s a good guy, though; very funny and an asset to any gathering. He’s also, as of a month or two ago, a New York City cop. So if he comes, y’all may riot with impunity. If he doesn’t, I’ve still got my PBA card.
“Are you frightened of snakes?”
“Only when they dress like werewolves.”
-Preacher
OK. We are confirmed for Saturday at Acme at 7:00. I made the reservation for “17 to 20,” they didn’t have a big problem with that.
The name on the reservation is “Cecil Adams.”
I’m still conducting extensive and time-consuming research into bars in the area. I hope you appreciate what a massive sacrifice that is. 
So, Sax, what’s the word on the ride?
I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.
Official Countdown to the NYC SDMB Tupperware Party and Tennis Tournament:
Three Days and Counting
Today’s top story comes from our science correspondent. After interim results from an ongoing scientific survey were released today, psycat90 has skyrocketed up to most popular attendee, female. Joe_Cool has volunteered to do additional scientific testing at the get-together. Fortunately, Lux Fiat has volunteered to bring a member of New York’s Finest to the meeting to make sure that Joe_Cool doesn’t lose his cool.
In other news from around the boards, Blue Twylight got a new job. The best part of her new employment is that because of its delayed start date she will not only be able to attend the get-together, but she will have sufficient time to recover from the hangover.
In a blatant attempt to curry favor with the official recorder of the event, SaxFace has grossly sucked up to Billdo. When asked for comment, Billdo replied, “I have my standards. I will not be swayed by a single post like that filled with cheap flattery. Four or five of them, on the other hand . . . .”
In our continuing series on advice for out of town visitors, we have a special report on the dangers of rooftop snipers. Years ago, visitors to New York were frightened away by the possibility of encounters with snipers on the roofs of buildings in the city. Like the infamous squeegee-men, the rooftop sniper has become a thing of the past during the six years of the Giuliani adminstration. The Mayor was quoted as saying “I’m proud of the progress we have made with zero tolerance in responding to minor quality-of-life crimes like rooftop sniping. By arresting each rooftop sniper they find, the police have uncovered 15 people with outstanding summonses for turnstile jumping and 11 parking ticket scofflaws.” (So psycat, if Democritus winds up in a neckbrace on Monday, it ain’t gonna from something a rooftop sniper does. ;))
We have an Official Countown correction to make tonight. In last nights Official Countdown, we omitted to use Eve’s “perfecty corking” double-entendre about Ike’s horn. In accordance with our policy of publishing corrections with equal prominence as the original mistake, please consider the following to have be added to the end of last night’s report:
Finally, in our gossip report, who was that “particularly talented” Bryn Mawr girl seen recently hanging around the Algonquin. Witnesses saw her fingering the pearl fittings of Ukulele Ike’s vingage horn. Rumours abound that she’s the love child of a pair Hollywood celebs given up for adoption to avoid embarrassment.
(OK there, Eve, is that enough to get you to drop the opium orgy with Dex and hang up with the cheap booze and cigs party with lots of flirting but probably too little action party with us?)
Billdo, I have never read a post filled with such eloquence and insight. (How many of these suckups until the free drinks start rolling in?)
Surg, I’m still trying to get in touch with my Cornell friend. Due to my, er, extracurricular activities, I haven’t been home for the last few nights. I’ll IM you later to discuss in greater depth.
Manny, thanks for making a reservation! I’m just going to remind everyone for the millionth time that Uke and I will be there at 5 pm. Come early if you can!
Phew! Thanks Bill, I’m there then. Now, as for other reasons for coming back to Cali, I’m still open to that… 
Just make yourself comfy while I shoot nuclear particles into your heart.
Cripes! That should read, “Now, as for other reasons for coming back to Cali in a neck brace, I’m still open to that…”
Must have more coffee…
All the snipers are gone??? It’s just not NYC without them.
I wonder if they’re hiring…
OK…my laundry is done, and I’m ready for the drive to NY. Mysterious Martin from San Fran bailed on me, so I am in the process of finding another friend to bring with me. The problem is inviting someone who I haven’t bad-mouthed on the board… lol
See you on Saturday!
Rose
I told you not to be stupid, you moron.
Countdown to the NYC SDMB Piano Recital & Polka Revue:
Two Days and Counting
[Guys I’m just too tired tonight. Maybe I’ll try to get some sleep so I don’t crash on Saturday.]
This could very possibly be the last bump.
Well, I want photos . . . Blackmail-worthy photos. I expect private E-mails from those of you who aren’t still too hungover (or waiting for bail money) on Monday morning . . .