Obligatory Chick Tract Pitting

The BBQ Pit
1

I know it’s like kicking a sick, one legged puppy. But I can’t help it, I really can’t the current featured tract is too hilarious.

Man allegedly beats his wife for believing in Jeebus, keeps his daughter stone drunk to keep her from believing in Jeebus, then manages to believe in him himself after having a Near Death Experience… becoming INSTANTLY GOOD™ after he converts under guidance of a pastor that he beat within an inch of his life off-screen in the distant past. Sheesh, Chick might as well use Stalin and Hitler redemption next if he wants to top that.

Though I’ll admit it DOES lack the flair of magic-inducing D&D or seeing the devil and there’s not not one Haw Haw, it’s more on the level of the kid who becomes a pseudo-Nazi because he believes in evolution. Two insta-conversions in one tract is still a pretty good one though. I’m starting to wonder if Chick doesn’t believe we should induce NDEs for all the uninitiated, like if his denomination’s baptism doesn’t involve drowning people until they pass out or something.

2

Loved the beer-goggles couple at the bar.

3

Wow, I think those people are the ugliest Chick characters I’ve seen so far.

4

I dunno, I think Harry is hawt in that rough, butch kinda way.

Is it just me or do Chickieboy’s tracts seem to be getting lamer and lamer? This would have been better if we could have seen hell along with Harry and his daughter. Chickie missed out on a good visual.

5

Jack Chick is a sick SOB. This is just another in a long line of tracts that prove it.

6

Now he’s just phoning it in. Where are the stereotypes we’ve come to know and love? Where are the Whore of Babylon posters? Where are the Jewish demons? This is just lame.

7

I like how his muscles shrink after he becomes saved. “warning the blood of Christ may reduce muscle mass, consult one of those filthy atheist nonbeliever doctors before beginning a daily regimen of the blood of Christ”

8

What an uplifting ending. It looked just like Bette Davis in Dark Victory.

:rolleyes:

9

“Ashley, I want a promise from you…That you never read a Bible again, or pray, or get saved”

Yeah. Quit getting saved. Damn kid.

There’s a bit of a plot hole with the doctor. He doesn’t believe in hell and yet he’s not on the ground, weeping, by the end of the “story”.

This is a very old, not updated webpage of chick spoofs. Worth a look if you haven’t been there before

10

How does *this *reconcile with “Honor thy Mother and Father?” :rolleyes:

…WTF? *She *almost went to Hell?

11

Au contraire, panel 13.

12

Yeah, I saw that on a repeat viewing, but it lacked GUSTO.

13

I also like the way the pastor, within the space of five panels, goes from sniveling milquetoast to jut-jawed he-man.

14

“Are you ready for my juicy news?”

15

Hmm…
I call Rule 34 on Chick Tracts. Yeah, you heard me.

16

Only, when you Pit a Chick tract, you don’t get a hardon.

What?!

17

Redundant. Chick Tracts are porn.

18

Well, sports fans, for the past five hours I’ve been creating my own parody of this Chick Tract - incorporating characters from Samuel Delany’s novel Hogg. It follows the structure of the original comic, although some panels have been omitted - but it presents us with a different storyline entirely.

Language is NSFW. Make sure to read all the way to the end, for the important message of salvation.

Humbly submitted for your approval…

The Cocksucker

19

I didn’t think it would be possible to write something more warped than a chick tract. Kudos.

20

Alls I know is Ashley is a total fucking lightweight who can’t hold a drink.