Teach her to say “Vote for [insert name of whichever politician parents hate here].”
My three-year old is currently driving me insane with his obsession about nipples. “Are those your nipples?” “Hey, [18-year-old female cousin], can I see your nipples?” “Hey Mom, are you wearing that [bra] to hide your nipples?”
That, or another body part that is not for public consumption (but not really horribly embarrassing) might do nicely.
Get her something loud and tell her every time she makes the noise, Santa will bring her an extra present at Christmas.
Teach them to yell, “It’s the COPS!!” every time the doorbell rings.
LOL This is a personal favorite, but I feel like when they go visit grandma next week, I’d be in a world of trouble. Grandma is very sweet and Catholic, you see.
Teach her old-time slang.
A 3-year old saying “Sure thing, Daddy-O” is hilarious.
I was literally just Googling old timey slang to teach her. My personal favorite I found is, “some pumpkins!” (which, apparently, means an admirable person or thing- as in: “Princess and the Frog is some pumpkins!”)
Teach her the alternate version of Mary Had A Little Lamb:
Mary had a little lamb
It’s fleece was white as snow
Mary walked past the butcher shop
But her lamb went by too slow.
Teach her to flex and say “Welcome to the gun show!”
Teach her to be an old timey British imperialist. That way she can rant, “about the colonies.” Her dad should find that amusing.
“This is the song that doesn’t end…and it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn’t end, and it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn’t end, and it goes…”
Teach her to use argo, vis a vis, ex post facto, etc. Oh, and teacher the very important court case finders/keepers v losers/weepers.
I second this.
Also:
“I wanna smoke some WEED!”
“I’ve got the munchies.”
“I’m holding for my mom.”
“Opps, that wasn’t the fart I thought it was going to be.”
If she can count, 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall; it’s simpler & annoyingly repetitive.
The old cow flew into the county store
And he (RASPBERRY) on the counter
And he (RASPBERRY) on the floor
And he (RASPBERRY) in the coffee
And he (RASPBERRY) in the tea
And if I hadn’t moved he’da (RASPBERRY) on me!
Best if child has just had a glass of milk so the raspberries are especially juicy.
Or you can do what TheKid’s dad did… teach her to call everyone “butthead”.
Secret word!
Is that supposed to read “the old crow”? Because I’m having a mental image of a flying bovine dropping cowpatty after cowpatty with a juicy splat all over the place. snerk
I dunno, I’m really liking MissTake’s version more and more the longer I think about it, actually.
Teach her to sing “What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor” in Latin:
Ebrio quid faciamus nauta
Ebrio quid faciamus nauta
Ebrio quid faciamus nauta
Hora matutina?
Teach her that little children who suck their thumbs will blow up like a balloon and burst from doing that!
Then, when the Ladies Bridge Club is there one day, and one of the ladies is very obviously pregnant, Little Kiddo will point to her and say loudly: “I know what YOU’VE been doing!”
This, of course:
