Erm, yes, crow. :smack:
Tea h her the French word for seal: phoque.
“Caedite eos omnes. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.”
Latin for “Kill them all. The Lord will know His own.”
Or loosely translated: “Kill them all. Let God sort them out.”
Teach her to sing “never gonna give you up” so she’ll be a walking talking RickRoll.
English! Do you speak it motherfucker!
You could always teach her about the birds and the bees. 
Ah, I remember when my son started to really think about his penis. “Did you know that girls DON’T grow penises when they get older?” and etc.
There are some really sadistic f__kers here.
Years ago in the service we all had a senior officer in my navy squadron that we all loved to hate. When we were deployed to the Philippines, we were allowed to have our spouse visit for a week’s vacation in the middle of the six month tour. When this officer’s wife arrived and they went out on the town on her first night there, he and she were confronted by a bunch of small local children wearing T-shirts with this officer’s photo on them, all bearing signs that said “Have you seen my Daddy?” That was fun!
Love this. I can’t wait till my nephew starts talking!
I know it’s too late now, probably, but I would opt for this:
Though you’d need to enlist one parent as an accomplice…
I taught my 4 year-old niece when she burped to cross her eyes and do it out of the corner of her mouth. My sister HATED me for that one. My niece will still do it like this for my benefit when I see her and she’s 23 now.
I recently taught a friend’s child to make PBJ crackers. I told her we were cooking. And I called the cracker sandwiches “meth”. She went home and went on and on about how much she enjoyed her visit, the nice dogs, and cooking meth.
If you’ll be out at a restaurant, teach her that the salt and pepper shakers unscrew!
Teach her to read. Use a copy of this bookas her primer.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned mumblety-peg yet.
You could prop her up in a chair with a copy of “Atlas Shrugged”.
Show her nature videos of poo-flinging monkeys and talk about how funny it is.
Teach her to say “I heard my mommy say she just got her period. What is it and can I have one?”
Or “STOP - THIS MAN IS NOT MY FATHER!!”.
Worst thing we ever did to Dweezil - and it wasn’t entirely intentional - was that the name for certain lump-shaped finger foods from a chain of Scottish restaurants was “buzzard bites”.
So, age 6, he’s at a friend’s birthday party, mom brings out a tray of food, and I hear “Look, Mommy, they have BUZZARD BITES!!!”. :o :p.
Sooo … how’d it go? What’d the kiddo learn?
how about the Wal*Mart game?
Slap & clap to a rhythm. (Think Ms. Mary Mack) Then say WalMart, K Mart, WalMart, K Mart, WalMart, K Mart, WalMart, K Mart, (A little faster) WalMart K mart WalMart K mart WalMart K mart WalMart K mart (faster still) WalMartK martWalMartK martWalMartK martWalMartK mart (really really fast) WalmartkmartwalmartkmartWalmartkmartwalmartkmartWalmartkmartwalmartkmartWalmartkmartwalmartkmart…
You then smack the victim lightly in the forehead with the heel of your hand and yell
" Target! "
I taught my nephews this game. After all, what are Aunts for?
This is wrong and beautiful.
My boyfriend taught my 3-year-old niece to do the Mork from Ork handshake. It’s hilarious to see this little kid go up to people and say “Nanu Nanu”!
Thank you! 