My favorite, courtesy of Robert Palmer:
Richard Pryor: “The bitch was so fine, I wanted to suck her daddy’s dick!”
I’d like to leave her with that fresh-fucked look.
I’d hit that so hard her kids would be born dizzy.
My personal favorite that all my friends have heard a million times…
…kick her out of bed for eating crackers? Hell I Would BRING HER crackers.
For the geometry fans…
I would love to be her perpendicular bisector.
“Man, she sure puts a swing in that thing”
“I wanna fuck you 'til your pupils turn white.”
I wrote that in an acquaintance’s yearbook in high school.
Lemme git up in them guts.
-Jason Mewes
A friend who lusted after a gal even more so when she turned him down:
“She had me at hell no”
I’d bite his lip and hang on till they had to pull me off.
I’d collect his sweat and sell it back to him…at a bargain price.
Jack Nickolson as The Joker:
“She puts steam in a man’s stride.”
From ‘A Fan’s Notes’ by Frederick Exely (an excellent book)
She had a body like a swift, unexpected blow to the stomach.
“Schwing!”
“She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.”
“If she were a president, she’d be Baberaham Lincoln.”
All from Wayne’s World of course.
Oh - and one from Bloom County:
“I’d have to be dug out of her”
“I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating Mu Shu Pork”
Stolen from Sports Illustrated, of all places:
She’d make a dead man sit up and straighten his tie.
“I could see her forehead on my stomach.”
Had a cabbie in Columbia SC say that a few weeks ago.
A co-worker used to say “I’d suck a fart out of her ass.”
I’d want to be her differential.
i.e., tangent to all her curves.
Maqybe from a different era, but a classic none the less:
Built like a brick shithouse
She’s a No Beerer, from the scale of zero beers to three six-packs.
Or in the related scale I made up, she’s a 9:00’er.