This actually made me tear up a little bit. My Dad always answer the the phone like this. He died in October at age 97. 
My ex- Brother-in-Law always answers the phone with the “meellloooww”. Drives me nuts. Just sounds like he’s too frickin lazy to properly form the word Hello.
Condolences to you. It’s good to know that wasn’t just a family thing of mine.
A large local business when I was growing up was Gainers meat packing plant, which underwent huge labour and strike issues in the mid-1980’s. Nasty stuff with police union busting and beating the heck out of scabs.
As a smart assed kid, I used to occasionally answer the phone “Gainers. What’s your beef?”
My greeting is a simple, yet cold and menacing “you know the routine, leave a message”
There’s audible anger and menace in my voice, the feeling I want to get across is “this had better be frakking important, stop bothering me.”
I hate the phone, hate answering machines and voicemail, so unless it’s important, I don’t care, don’t want to talk to you, go away.
My then-boyfriend’s friend used to answer our phone with “House of Lords, God speaking” - it was usually my mom who would say “Listen God, I need to talk to you about my daughter…”
Our back line at a pizza place I worked at the only callers were employees, the phone center, or occasionally another store.
We often answered “Fresno County coroners office, foodservice division, this is drachillix, how may I help you”
Odd way to answer the phone
Throw a beer can at it, knocking it off the table, then commanding the dog to fetch it. Of course, he won’t, so you miss that call.
Ahoy hoy!
Because of my stroke, I can’t quite say “hello” unless I stop and slowly think it out so most of the time it comes out pure and simple “yellow”. To the point that some friends respond “blue” or something like that just to tweak me.
When I’m trying to be funny, it’s “Ralph’s Pornateria and Love Sheep Supply - can I help you?”
Said in the deepest, gruffest, manliest voice you can muster, “Joe’s pool hall, Mabel speaking.”
My dad uses this one, but it’s Eight Ball doing the talking.
“Start talkin’ it’s your nickel.”
It worked for Bugs Bunny, but when I tried the person on the other end had no idea what I was talking about.
When I call my brother, he answers with a bored-sounding “hello”. I say “hi, it’s Eric”, and he replies with the exact same bored-sounding “hello”. It drives me nuts; it’s exactly what a person would say if they hadn’t heard me.
Randolph Scott!
Sonny Tufts!
Leonard Bernstein!!
“nuqneH”.
Didn’t work out well. First Sergeant didn’t speak Klingon. Figures I’d get stuck trying a geekly phone greeting on one of the only non-geeks in a very technical/scientific military organization.
Thankfully, it didn’t completely throttle my military career in its cradle. Shirt wasn’t nearly as hard-assed as the rep he cultivated.
I knew someone who used to answer the phone, “The White House. Truman speaking.”
Naturally, his family lived in a white house and their last name was Truman.
Damn! Beat me to it. Hornswaggled agin.
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It was only a movie, but I cracked up when a bored civil servant answered the office phone with “Sperm Bank. Deposit or Withdrawal?”
I had a supervisor (circa mid-1980’s) whose voice-mail greeting began:
You have reached the desk of [name]. Don’t you feel silly talking to a desk? . . .
Calling a military base can be a kick. I need to at times, and the greeting is something along the lines of:
“503rdscurityforcesquadrnlanforcemendeskairmanflspknghomihepusirrmam.” No pauses and barely intelligible.
I can recall doing the something similar.
I knew a guy who would answer any phone by saying his last name. So he would pick up the phone and say, “Johnson!” (not his real last name). I always thought it was weird. Especially in the era before Cell phones. Weirder still, his last name wasn’t all that common so if you didn’t know who you were calling it would sound like someone just shouted a nonsense word at you.