During Christmastime, if the caller id is someone I know. I’ll answer it “Hi, this is Buddy the Elf! What’s your favorite color?”
That sounds suspiciously like a Philadelphia traffic report.
Back in the day, in our HR office, the receptionist would answer the phone with a very quick “Human Resources”. Someone told her it sounded like she was saying “Herman’s Racehorses”. So that’s how she started answering the phone, with a very quick “Herman’s Racehorses”. No one really seemed to catch on.
“Telephone!”
“Go for Happy.”
Answer the phone by saying “Hi, is Wilhelm there?” When the caller expresses confusion, say “Sorry, wrong number” and hang up.
Someone did this once at a party I attended; I’ve never tried it myself.
“Ghostbusters! Whaddaya want?”
“Hi, I’d like a large pepperoni pizza.”
Stole it from Calvin and Hobbes, works like a charm.
…for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there.
That’s is the one I use… I’ve also used “Dead Poet’s Society: Emily Dickinson speaking”
“Joe’s taxidermy, you snuff 'em we stuff 'em.”
Many years ago, when the best computerized text to speech sounded like the box that Stephen Hawking uses, a guy I knew would answer the phone by perfectly mimicking computerized speech with his own voice.
That’s my best friend’s message. “Hi, this is ****** and *****, you know what to do.”
[radio-guy voice]“Your on the mic with Simplicio, bringing you all the best hits from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s”[/radio guy voice]
When the caller is LDS, I like to answer with “What is wanted?” mimicking the voice of Elohim in the Mormon temple ceremony.
“I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number. We don’t have a telephone.” click.
LOL, How long do you think a telemarketer will listen to “C’mon boy, fetch the phone! Fetch the phone, boy. C’mon dammit, fetch the phone!” I will try it and let you know.
<heavy breathing>
Remembered one I used to do back in the early days of answering machines. This must have been in the 1970s:
“Hello. [Pause] Haha! Fooled you! This is just an answering machine.”