Joe Frickin Friday is a god. I wash his feet with my tears.
This thread has taught me a valuable lesson on humor. Offensive jokes are boring as hell; they all have the same punchline. “I’m making fun of black people!” “Well, I’m making fun of women!” “Well, I’m making fun of Greblons!”
Well, you got your Mombacks, your Hodeedoes, and your Dodas.
The Momback stands behind the truck backin’ up. wavin’ his hand and sayin, " ‘mom back!, ‘mom back!", the Hodeedoes are runnin’ for the elevator, and the Dodas are in the welfare office, sayin’, “Do da check come yet?”
A baby seal walks into a club…
I stood up at my desk and :slowclapped: for this, thank you.
Did you misunderstand the point of the thread? You can’t tell an offensive joke unless you offend somebody.
So this rigidly ideological East German Communist commissar named Rudolph was notorious for being an unbending autocrat who would absolutely never, but never, admit he was wrong about anything. One day in early December, he insisted that the People’s Street Sweeping Collective must report the next day to clean the streets while it rained, even though a massive snowstorm was predicted.
Next morning, as he took breakfast, the snow was coming down by the handful, piling up everywhere. His wife Else sneered out the window and said “Well, now will you admit you were wrong? See how its snowing!”
“Nonsense, Else, its raining.”
“Raining? Are you blind, look out the window!”
“Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
In a small Midwestern town, two gays died of AIDS. The mortician was afraid of catching the disease from the corpse, so he refused to prepare the bodies for burial. So, finally, in desperation, the hospital called on the local taxidermist. He said, “Sure, bring 'em on over, I’ll take care of 'em.” So an ambulance driver carts the bodies off to the taxidermists shop. When he arrives, the taxidermist asks the ambulance driver “Do you want them mounted?” to which the driver replies “Nah, just holding hands should do…”
Lawn sprinklers are racist. It’s true, just listen to one: Spic spic spic spic spic CHINK! Niggerniggerniggernigger…
How many gingers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, a single firecrotch burns bright enough to illuminate an entire room.
A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the bartender, “I’d like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.”
The bartender says, “Now come on, pal, we ain’t serving no gorillas in here.”
So the guy figures he’ll fix them, he takes the gorilla home, shaves off all her hair, gives her a nice wig, lipstick, red dress, etc. He takes her back to the bar and says, “I’d like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.”
The bartender gives them the drinks and they go off and sit down and chat. The bartender turns to his buddy at the bar and says, “You know, that drives me crazy, it seems like every time a good looking Italian girl comes in here, she’s with a black guy.”
Helicopters must be Italian. De big rotor, she go “Wopwopwopwop”, and de little rotor, she go “Guineaguineaguineaguinea”.
Two friends, a Scotsman and a Jew, are out drinking one night. Eventually Nature calls, and so they head for the head. The Scotsman takes the lone urinal, and the Jew says that he has to take a dump anyway so he enters the stall. The usual noises are heard for a minute, and then the Jew says “Damn!”
“What’s the matter?” inquires the Scotsman.
“Well, when I was pulling my pants up, I dropped a dime into the toilet.”
The Scotsman joins the Jew in the stall to look at the sad sight. They both shake their heads in despair. Then the Scotsman reaches into his pocket and drops a quarter into the toilet.
“What did you do that for?!?” cries the Jew.
And the Scotsman sez, “Och, I’m not gonna stick my hand in there for a dime!”
Q: How do you know when Chinese are moving into your neighborhood?
A: The Mexicans start getting car insurance.
Whats the difference between black people and snow tires?
Snow tires dont sing when you put them in chains.
Why did G-d create gentiles?
Answer:
Somebody has to pay retail.
What’s the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
Pope John Paul II died a virgin.
I’m getting hungry… for 3 Cheese Baby.
Baby, it’s what’s for dinner.
Ya beat me to it.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
“Keep the tip”
Where did Christa McAuliffe spend her last summer vacation?
All over Florida.
What’s black and white and brown, and goes around and around in circles?
A seagull and a filipino fighting over a fish head.
(told to my sister by her filipino father-in-law)
Who were the first two famous black women in America?
Aunt Jemima and Mother Fucker
Q. What is black and white, and red all over?
A. A nun with her throat slit.
Q. What’s the difference between a bible and a cock?
Nothing. They both get shoved down your throat by a priest.
Angelina Jolie, George W. Bush, and Pope Benedict are chatting on the VIP deck of a cruise ship when there’s a loud bang and the ship lurches. People are running around screaming and the ship is obviously sinking fast.
Angelina says “We need to save the children!”
Bush says, “What? Fuck the children!”
The Pope says, “Great idea, but do we have time?”