What’s black and white and can’t go through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head.
No, it’s motorcycles that are Italian. Specifically, the big, oversized motorcyle tires. Because dago through mud, dago through snow and when dago flat, dago “Wopwopwop…”.
I heard this one in a different format: “What do you call 4 Puerto Ricans, A Chinese guy and 4 black guys standing in a line?”
“A water sprinkler.” Once your audience gives you a blank stare, you follow with the sound.
Lord, forgive me:
[FONT=Trebuchet MS][SIZE=2]One day two black women were visiting the zoo. They came to the gorilla exhibit; this big, angry male gorilla was there. While looking at the gorilla exhibit, one of the women got a little close to the edge, and the gorilla grabbed her, dragged her over the moat and raped her violently, over and over.
She ended up in the hospital. Her friend came to visit her and said “I’m so sorry…is you a hurtin’?” And the injured woman sobbingly replied “Is I hurtin?? He don’t call, he don’t write….”
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The latest research shows that the most popular sexual position among married couples is the doggy style:
The man sits and begs. And the wife lays on her side and plays dead.
What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words??
I wanted a BUD light…
Where did she spend her vacation?
All over Florida…
Whats Al Queda’s favorite football team??
The New York Jets..How many Jews can you fit into a Mercedes??
Two in the front… three in the back… and 200 in the ashtrays…
Two holes in one hole… What is this ?
Your nose in my ass.
How many cops does it take to beat up a black guy?
None. He fell.
did you hear about the jew visiting thailand? yeah, he brought hs own kids.
Why do Jews have such big noses?
Because air is free.
What’s a Jew’s biggest dilemma?
Free ham.
A priest and a rabbi are walking through the park. The priest spots a young boy, points, and says, “There’s a little boy! Let’s fuck him!”
The rabbi asks, “Out of what?”
How did they know that Christa McCaulliffe had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders on the beach.
What’s the similarity between Christa McCaulliffe and Donna Rice?
They both went down on the challenger.
Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn’t
get 7-UP.
A rabbi’s walking down the street, and a little boy comes up and says: “He mister, fuck me for a quarter?”
The rabbi thinks about it for a second, and then says, “Sure. But let me see the quarter first.”
How do you make a little boy cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
Two guys knock on the door of a nunnery very early in the morning. One looks slightly anxious and the other has a smirk. The Sister Superior opens the door and asks what they want. The anxious guy says “Sorry to disturb you but my name is John and I was wondering, do you have a nun here who was out last night? Quite a petite lady?”
The Sister Superior thinks for a second and says, “Well there is Sister Mary, she was out yesterday evening and she’s only about five two”.
“Great,” says the anxious guy, “could we see her?”
Sister Mary is brought to the door and the anxious guy says, “No, you see the nun I’m talking about was really very small. Outstandingly so. Could there perhaps be someone else?”
Sister Superior thinks for a bit then says, “well there is Sister Kathleen, she’s smaller but I didn’t think she went out yesterday evening…”
Sister Kathleen is brought out but again the anxious guy who is by now looking really quite upset says, “no, no I’m looking for a nun who is really small. Look, not to be impolite but what I mean is someone who is a dwarf. Do you have any dwarf nuns?”
Sister Superior says, “Well yes, there is Sister Wendy, but I’m basically certain she was here last night so…”
The anxious guy, who is visibly sweating by now, interrupts and says, “That will be her. Please bring her out. She must be the one.”
Sister Superior disappears for a few moments but then comes back, “I’ve checked and Sister Wendy was definitely here all night, she hasn’t been out for days, everyone agrees, so it can’t be her. Look, why do you want to find this person anyway?”
At this point the smirking guy can stand it no longer and bursts out, “John fucked a penguin, John fucked a penguin!”
The new nun goes to confession and says she has a terrible secret. The priest urges her to reveal it, saying he would never violate the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, “Father, I don’t wear panties under my habit.”
The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious, Sister. Just say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels.”
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he went over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move very much so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said
“You’re not so tough, Batman!”
The version with the Seven Dwarfs that takes place in the Vatican is even funnier.
A woman goes to the doctors with a black eye, quite distraught. She says “It’s my husband. Every time he’s drunk he beats me.”
The doctor says “The only cure for that is to hum. When he comes home ranting and raving just hum away to yourself. Come back and let me know if that has the desired result”
The woman comes back 2 weeks later and says to the doctor “That was a great idea- he hasn’t hit me ONCE!”
Doctor replies “Yes. I thought keeping your bloody mouth shut might help.”
What’s long, black, and smells like shit?The unemployment line.How do you starve a black man?Hide his food stamps under his work boots.What’s the difference between a black woman and a bag of garbage?
The garbage gets taken out once in a while.What’s the difference between a black man and a toilet?
The toilet has a job.What do the letters “BFI” on the side of a dumpster stand for?
Black Family InsideWhat’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They’d rather sit in the dark and blame the Jews for it.What’s the greatest thing about twenty five year olds?
There’s twenty of them.A dated one, but still funny:
What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
My God, I’m a horrible man.
What do you say to a black man in a suit?
“Will the defendant please rise.”
Regards,
Shodan