Keeping with tradition that began with the Hardware Store Arena, no we have …
The Office Supply Store Thunderdome.
However, in this fight, you can use 1 object as a weapon or combine up to 2 objects to make 1 weapon.
What will you choose?
Guillotine paper cutter. Remove the knife for a weapon, put it back on to carry out sentences after war crimes trials.
That’s a winner in one. Other than maybe throwing copier toner in someone’s eyes, I can’t think of a more lethal office weapon than a paper cutter.
Fun anecdote: I worked at an advertising agency that had a super extra large model guillotine cutter (big enough that you could use it to trim billboard sheets.) They named it The Bobbitt.
One of those heavy, metal cellophane tape dispensers, with a serrated cutting blade. Braid some twine(sold to tie up collapsed cardboard boxes for recycling) and attach it to the tape dispenser. Use this new weapon as a mace to bash your opponents, the cutting blade will inflict even more damage.
For close-quarters combat, make a cat-o-ninety-nine tails with a tub of Red Vines.
Do a Wile E. Coyote thing and drop cases of copier paper on the unsuspecting.
Actually, if you can beat someone with a telephone book, you should be able to do it with a ream of copy paper, as well.
I say do like the pro wrestlers and beat someone with folding chairs.
Or do like SCA and go jousting with the rolly chairs and a presentation pointer.