“Fuck.”
Hi Cap’n. Do you need to go potty?
“Good, now I only have to do five more impossible things before breakfast.”
Mmmuphmmumph–shnortle, shnortle <-- repeat for about 30 seconds
“Knock yourself out” to Mrs. Fresh when she asked if I’d mind if she watched her recorded soaps in bed.
I lead an adventurous life!
“Hurnnnn.”
“Uh”
“Don’t wanna gotowork… uuuuuuh…”
(I’m in Spain so it’s not a holiday, but I’m leaving the job in two weeks and don’t really fancy it much right now)
“So what was all the noise about?”
“What day is it?” said to Mrs. 62 after she death poked me to wake me up for work 90 minutes late. :smack:
“That was one fucking weird dream.”
“hey gorgeous! do you wanna…”
to my dog.
and the sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth words were “go for a walk”
bluh. That last post makes very little sense unless you know that I somehow decided this thread was the “first five words out of your mouth after waking up this morning” thread.
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“Doodle.”
“I love you”
I haven’t said a word yet today. This message board post is my first communication with the outside world.
I don’t think I’ve said anything yet, actually.
Same here. I said: “Hee manneke” (Dutch for “Hi there little fellow”) when I came downstairs this morning and was greeted by the cats.
You have to imagine it in a faux-surprised Forrest Gump voice – I was making a wisecrack when I woke to find Mrs. Slinger’s hand creeping into my boxer briefs.
Isn’t that a wonderful way to wake up? 
“Mornin’,” to my dad.
Indeed, sirrah.
“Yeah, yeah.” In response to my wife’s pleas to go turn on the hot water heater and the furnace in the RV. It got chilly in dem thar hills.