"Often, when I rush a bowel movement, tactical errors are made."

Are you sure it wasn’t “tactile” errors? Perhaps, in the person’s hurry, his or her fingers slipped off the paper and then he or she had to wipe them on the wall.

After all, haste pastes waste.

Okay, I can see a ‘code brown’ causing one to run in & start one’s business before checking the TP level once, or not fully sitting down before starting, once.
The word that stood out the most to me in that sentence was “Often”. Really? You don’t learn from your mistakes but repeat them time after time?

Qadgop, what is the dark side of being constipated for extended periods? 'Cause after learning the dark side of straining too hard, I’m too damn scared to move.

Failing to accurately identify your target, and dropping a payload on a wedding party or an Afghan National Army company out on patrol.:eek:

This is when close air support really comes in handy.

Air support? Are we talking on air or off air for Rush’s bowel movements?

Megacolon and megarectum would be the two biggest concerns for someone with chronic constipation due to dyssynergic defecation or slow transit. Fortunately they do not occur very often at all. But when they do, the result is usually removal of colon/rectum and placement of an ostomy.

Irritable bowel syndrome, another common cause of chronic constipation, does not seem to be associated with complications like megacolon and megarectum, however.

And don’t be too scared to move. Movement after all is 50% of the word bowel movement. :smiley:

This thread is so funny I almost sh*t.

Whoa, I gotta run!!!

Is it just me, or does anyone else say “MEGACOLON” like an announcer for a monster truck rally?

They are also going to be prominently featured in the title of the next Made-for-Syfy TV movie.

MEGACOLON vs MEGARECTUM: ONLY ONE WILL SURVIVE.

How about rectal prolapse :eek:

Si

So you say. But neither one of them remembered my birthday.

OK, OK, I get that the toilet was a cesspit, and his digging in the bowl afterwards looking for… something… was gross but I assume made sense somehow in context with the movie, but… what was that business at the end of the guy going down the toilet? Huh?

Ah, but do you have any stories told in an amusing manner to share with us this time? (We haven’t had a good Qadgop story in quite some time!)

In fact, I’ve found that if I get enough fiber and enough movement, things will progress much more smoothly for the most part. As long as I don’t eat any trigger foods, that is.

This is one of the reasons why I hop on my Cardio Cruiser at least every other day if I haven’t had any other sort of exercise lately. It’s boring, but I’d rather spend the time on the exercise machine than spend it on the throne, wondering if this is what Elvis felt just before he left the [del]building[/del] planet.

Coincidentally, shortly after posting in this thread I was gripped by gut craps.

I now feel much lighter and think I dropped a pants size.

Technically, I think it counts as an ambush but I triumphed in the end. 'Twas not that I rushed the bowel movement, but that the onset of moving bowels rushed me to the toilet. I am happy to report I reached my destination before the guest arrived.

Sorry, got tired of defending myself against charges from fellow dopers of having committed HIPAA violations every time I told a medical anecdote. :frowning:

Well, poo, they’re a bunch of spoilsports!

Or possibly “testicle errors”—from zipping up too quickly?

THAT sucks.

My husband once zipped himself up without tucking first. No testicles involved, but he did lose some tissue from the head that rules his actions.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!