"Often, when I rush a bowel movement, tactical errors are made."

I had my first prostate exam last year. The finger was OK, I wasn’t sure about the hand, by god her foot seemed excessive. All those years of med school taken out on my ass. Life ain’t fair sometimes.

Megacolon? Hey wait Qadgop, isn’t there an example of that at the Mutter in Philly? (Just google or bing “Balloon man Mutter museum” to see what I’m talking about.)

To quote Brent Butt from “Corner Gas,” you don’t want your doctor treating your prostate exam " like he was going after the last pickle in the jar!"

With a fork.

Ketchup isn’t OK on anything I plan to put in my mouth.

Under, of course.

Just ignore them!!

Seconded (or offer them a freebie proctological exam for stick-removal purposes :p). A few whiners are depriving the reasonable majority of entertaining and informative posts, and that’s just not good.

Blasphemy! I put ketchup on my ketchup.

There is strategy but in true SDMB fashion I must point out that the topic is tactics. Tactics are what you do in the stall. Strategy would be actions that influence which stall and timing.

Dated and perhaps sexists but I remember the difference by:
If you have a date and you send her flowers beforehand, that is a strategy. If you take her out and get her drunk, that is a tactic.

No no no, I’m pretty sure that’s all wrong. In that dating scenario, the goal would be getting laid, the strategy would be taking out a girl you know who puts out, and the tactics would be buying her her favorite flowers beforehand, taking her to a nice dinner at a restaurant she likes, and getting her drunk on Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Strategy is big picture, and doesn’t usually change. Tactics vary with circumstances. Guys have always taken easy girls out to get laid, but the flowers, restaurants and drinks change situationally.

So for shitting, the goal might be having clean underpants, the strategy is cleaning your ass thoroughly, and tactics might be waiting til everything drops before you start wiping, giving your ass a little shake to make that last dangler drop, pulling the right amount of paper off the roll based upon thickness of the paper, using a bidet, etc.

So you do the hokey-pokey,
and you spin yourself around,
that’s what it’s all a-bout!

Ha! That was the cause of the first code I called. A lesser woman would have left nursing school. :smiley: