"Often, when I rush a bowel movement, tactical errors are made."

[Muffin]

@StusBlues

At least we got the line about looking evil in the eye and giving it a prostate exam.

I had my first prostate exam last year. The finger was OK, I wasn’t sure about the hand, by god her foot seemed excessive. All those years of med school taken out on my ass. Life ain’t fair sometimes.

[notsoheavyd3]

@Qadgop_the_Mercotan

Megacolon and megarectum would be the two biggest concerns for someone with chronic constipation due to dyssynergic defecation or slow transit.

Megacolon? Hey wait Qadgop, isn’t there an example of that at the Mutter in Philly? (Just google or bing “Balloon man Mutter museum” to see what I’m talking about.)

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Muffin

I had my first prostate exam last year. The finger was OK, I wasn’t sure about the hand, by god her foot seemed excessive. All those years of med school taken out on my ass. Life ain’t fair sometimes.

To quote Brent Butt from “Corner Gas,” you don’t want your doctor treating your prostate exam " like he was going after the last pickle in the jar!"

[SCAdian]

@snowthx

Ah, another defining question we can ask newly joined dopers along with how you eat corn and if ketchup is OK on hot dogs: “Toilet paper - do you hang over, or under?”. The right answer, of course, would be over, BTW.

With a fork.

Ketchup isn’t OK on anything I plan to put in my mouth.

Under, of course.

[SCAdian]

@Seanette

Having worked in medical insurance, I’m pretty sure HIPAA would only be a problem if you gave your patient’s name or other identifying info. A suitably anonymized story shouldn’t be an issue, so far as I understand.

@Qadgop_the_Mercotan

I’m well aware of that. But that doesn’t prevent others from fretting about HIPAA violations when medical anecdotes are shared. So while it’s not a HIPAA violation, it’s an issue to some posters. One I don’t have to deal with if I avoid telling anecdotes.

Just ignore them!!

[Seanette]

@SCAdian

Just ignore them!!

Seconded (or offer them a freebie proctological exam for stick-removal purposes :p). A few whiners are depriving the reasonable majority of entertaining and informative posts, and that’s just not good.

[Machine_Elf]

@SCAdian

Ketchup isn’t OK on anything I plan to put in my mouth.

Blasphemy! I put ketchup on my ketchup.

[tim-n-va]

@JackieLikesVariety

apparently I am not as old as I thought because I didn’t realize there was “strategy” involved.

as for Qadgop’s post, let’s all remember that oatmeal and fruit are our friends. in so many ways…

There is strategy but in true SDMB fashion I must point out that the topic is tactics. Tactics are what you do in the stall. Strategy would be actions that influence which stall and timing.

Dated and perhaps sexists but I remember the difference by:
If you have a date and you send her flowers beforehand, that is a strategy. If you take her out and get her drunk, that is a tactic.

[Happy_Lendervedder]

@tim-n-va

There is strategy but in true SDMB fashion I must point out that the topic is tactics. Tactics are what you do in the stall. Strategy would be actions that influence which stall and timing.

Dated and perhaps sexists but I remember the difference by:
If you have a date and you send her flowers beforehand, that is a strategy. If you take her out and get her drunk, that is a tactic.

No no no, I’m pretty sure that’s all wrong. In that dating scenario, the goal would be getting laid, the strategy would be taking out a girl you know who puts out, and the tactics would be buying her her favorite flowers beforehand, taking her to a nice dinner at a restaurant she likes, and getting her drunk on Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Strategy is big picture, and doesn’t usually change. Tactics vary with circumstances. Guys have always taken easy girls out to get laid, but the flowers, restaurants and drinks change situationally.

So for shitting, the goal might be having clean underpants, the strategy is cleaning your ass thoroughly, and tactics might be waiting til everything drops before you start wiping, giving your ass a little shake to make that last dangler drop, pulling the right amount of paper off the roll based upon thickness of the paper, using a bidet, etc.

[Muffin]

@Happy_Lendervedder

So for shitting, the goal might be having clean underpants, the strategy is cleaning your ass thoroughly, and tactics might be waiting til everything drops before you start wiping, giving your ass a little shake to make that last dangler drop, pulling the right amount of paper off the roll based upon thickness of the paper, using a bidet, etc.

So you do the hokey-pokey,
and you spin yourself around,
that’s what it’s all a-bout!

[picunurse]

@Qadgop_the_Mercotan

Straining too hard and causing tears or fissures to form or increase in the anal mucosa. This can cause heavy bleeding too.

Straining so hard as to cause a reflex fall in blood pressure and resultant loss of consciousness.

Inducing a fatal arrhythmia by straining too hard.

You guys never see the dark side of poor planning/bad tactics for BMs. I do.

Ha! That was the cause of the first code I called. A lesser woman would have left nursing school.