He think’s it’s Farmer Christmas; how can I break the news to him that his whole life is a lie?
No, wait, isn’t Farmer Christmas the guy who raises mistletoe and poinsettias? Or would that be Gardener Christmas??
Tell him it’s Fatwa Christmas, get him really confused.
We use the cross-dressing version,
Father Missus.
Tell you kid that Father Christmas brings Blue’s Clues, Telletubbies and other cool stuff, while Farmer Christmas brings Veal chops and alfalfa and leaves cow-shit footprints all over the carpet. Let him decide who he wants to believe in.
If those are my options, as a child, I’d like Farmer Christmas better.
Heck, as an adult, I’d like Farmer Christmas better. I mean, cow-shit footprints? That’s awesome!
And what’s so bad about farmers anyway?
Or, if you really want to freak him out, you could tell him about Fava Christmas, the deranged cannibal serial killer.
Here he comes, down the chimney! With a nice bottle of Chianti in his sack…
Or maybe Farrah Christmas - you know - with the famous hair??
[sub]I’m so ashamed of that one[/sub]
And hey, look! It’s Slav O’Christmas, that merry Russian-Irish holiday elf! He brings vodka and/or Guinness for all the good little boys and girls!
And his buddy Slobbo Christmas, who leaves crumpled wrapping paper, tangled knots of curly ribbon, and fruitcake crumbs all over the house! My mom hates him!
This is so much better than my dumb job.
OK, while we’re here why not Fatima Christmas?
And don’t forget Adolph the red-nosed reindeer. All kids love him !
Don’t forget about his other reindeer;
there Masher and Cancer, Trancer and Mixin’, Bombit and Stupid, and Blonder and Sitzen.
No no, Adolph is the brown-nosed reindeer. He runs just as fast as the other reindeer; he just can’t stop as quickly.
The adolf reindeer reminded me of this,
Try to explain Hitler to a little kid, I once had one ask me who he was. It’s really fucking hard to do.
Oh no! Now I must tell my three year old son the truth about Adolf Hitler.
Redboss