Jeebus! The second link looks like some anime monster child that’s gonna bite me!
The photographer has destroyed the very things that make these children so adorably beautiful in the first place.
Who’s the genius behind this service? Mary Shaw?
Must not scream, or she’ll rip out my tongue out at the roots
Holy hemorrhaging Christ. What the hell is that? I mean, I know it’s a baby – but a baby what? I feel like entombing it in a cave in the middle of nowhere and barring its entrance with a landslide so paleontologists can dig it up a hundred hears from now and accidentally unleash the hell within.
Even if this particular site were a parody, it seems from the links to other retouching businesses that it’s not far off the mark. Sweet merciful crap, it is so sad to realize that there are infant beauty pageants (NOT “cutest baby” contests, but “make your three month old look fuckable” competitions), and that people think that a photo of a child too young to eat food really needs the addition of false eyelashes and lipstick.
It’s funny, but whether children or adults, I liked the original pictures better (even on the non-insane retouching sites). Making people entirely unblemished, unfreckled, without wrinkles, and with perfectly even teeth robs them of the humanity that makes looking at them engaging. The only pics I liked were the ones where the original was unnaturally green, and the retouch corrected the color.
Mama Tiger, that baby picture is proof that there is no loving god. Holy shit.
Wubba…
I’m with those who’ve suggested that this would be a great Dr. Who story arc. The Master Returns!!!
Hey! That looks like one of those toilet paper cozies! My grandma had one. It freaked me out. (The Barbie kept staring at Mr. Pinky when I peed.)
Or the Nestene.
Oh dear gods, the mouseovers! I can’t unsee the mouseovers!! Seriously, they’re more disturbing seen that way than in the side-by-side before and after pics. And if I ever caught my daughter (who is cute as a button) walking around my house looking like one of those afterpics, I’d lock her in her room and call an exorcist.
What kind of freako parent wants pictures of their kids that look like photos of plastic dolls, anyway? One of my favorite portraits of my daughter was taken right after she gave herself a black eye by being a froggy in the bathtub (she was 2). The merrily obnoxious grin and ornery glint in her eye eclipse the shiner, and her personality comes through crystal clear.
That’s who I was trying to remember.
Is it just me or was this picture different yesterday? I remember seeing a picture of a woman wearing a cowboy hat. Now it’s a different woman, in a tropical motif.
Wow. I had no idea what kinds of folks I had on my payroll.
I’m not getting the pageant aspect here. I think children’s pageants must be a very freaky world, but would even they accept such a radically altered photo as a entry of some kind? Why? What happens when the child gets to the pageant and doesn’t look anything like that? I must be missing something about the whole culture.
Nope, definitely not just you. This new one is actually not bad.
I still see the woman in the cowboy hat. 
Interesting. I see a dead-eyed creature from a distant dimension that wants to chew through my face and suck out my spinal column from the inside.
I’ll have what (s)he’s having.
I find it hysterical that “aaaa” is part of the page name, as if they knew that was going to be the reaction of anyone who saw this. I also want to say that even in the before picture, that is one ugly baby. Don’t hurt me. Someone really needs to do a “lolcats”-style site for pictures like that. “Iz zukkin yer sul!!!”
Do you think that people go up to that kid and say, in that weird voice everyone uses to talk to babies, “Who’s a creepy baby? Who’s a creepy baby? You are! Yes, you are! You’re a very creepy baby!” 
Ooooooooooh! I just had a great idea! The next time someone trots out that tired old saw of, “Won’t someone please think of the children?” The best response will be, “You mean like this?”
My index finger’s been screaming REDRUM! ever since I clicked the damn thing.
Actually, I think the original photo is a bit creepy-looking too. The eyes started out saying Stepford Wives – how well could they end?