I find myself in a position that is rather novel for me. Dating and having a steady girlfriend (oooOOOOoooo Dorky has a girlfriend) as an adult. She also doesn’t live with me, has a superficially similiar life story and…and…and…I feel somewhat out of my element. I’ve not dated as an adult, ever. (I’m not counting that one rebound thing I did, that was too weird and not good).
Married young, well not too young, legally speaking, but not far from it. Divorced, did that weird rebound bad thing, had a relationship with my next ex, not really dating but sort of hanging out a lot then bam! Married, then divorced, got over it pretty quickly this time.
And now this.
She is a lovely lady. My age within a few months of each other, also married twice has 3 kids, one out fully launched, another legal for take off but working a job, gathering resources etc. and a 14 year old, high functioning autistic boy, who according to her has already taken a shine to me as he showed me some of his drawings. The way she talks about how he is about his drawings, this is very high praise and acceptance.
Spaghetti and Meatballs! I’m not sure I’m ready, but I am though. Graugh!! Hate this anxious indecisive blathering about.
Congratulations! Take things slow, and enjoy each other!
The fact you have made the effort to interact with her 14-year-old means more than all the “how-to” articles in cheezy women’s magazines. He is probably the key to success. When you bring her candy and flowers (um…you are gonna bring her candy and flowers?), bring drawing paper and markers or colored pencils.
And when you invite her to your place for dinner (right?), make sure you have his drawings on the refrigerator.
Have fun, Dork Dear. And goddammit, report back to us!
~VOW
Be open, be honest, admit that you don’t get unspoken language, if true. Ask her what she likes and then…listen closely. Best of all possible worlds to you, DV.
So apparently marinara sauce is not a profanity of any intensity for nellie.
I am having a good time with her. Lotta firsts for both of us in this relationship. When I posted this thread, I was having some sort of ¿mild? anxiety over some of it, probably brought on by being physically wore out from a long day at work. I’m better now though.
Wait, candy? Flowers? Can’t I just buy her some jewelry and be done with it?
Ah that’s a nogo on the artwork ghostVOW, the pattern is closed. He showed me some, doesn’t mean I got to touch, let alone hold it. Keep it? Maybe one day in the far future in a galaxy far far away where I am a Sith God instead of a mere Lord.
Ah fer the love of pasta, next yer gonna tell me I gotta get her some fer valentines.
You sure? Maybe a nice inexpensive (not cheap junk but I ain’t spending $$k yet) necklace instead of all that candy and flowers stuff?
Slow the apple cart Beck, marriage? nah, we’re just dating. I’m just not a candy and flowers type of guy. Xmas won’t be a problem(I think, not sure if she celebrates the holiday in her belief system, something to find out)
Miss Manners says inexpensive costume jewelry is okay, but a lady is not supposed to accept any articles of serious value, and/or important items of wearing apparel, from a gentleman she’s not engaged to.
(And that’s just not old-fashioned stuffiness; even today it is still potentially weirdish or creepy-ish for someone you’re seeing casually to give you a gift that could seem like they’re paying you, or paying your clothing bills, with items of significant value.)
But it can be a fine line to distinguish between fun inexpensive costume jewelry and jewelry that just seems cheap or chintzy. Did you know that Miss Manners also endorses gifts of books, or even more traditionally a pair of gloves, as alternatives at the candy-and-flowers level? A cute pair of mittens around Valentine’s Day might be very appreciated!
Really, any thoughtful inexpensive gift that doesn’t seem to suggest you’re “contributing to her maintenance” is acceptable, from even the most traditional etiquette standpoint, for a not-(yet)-really-serious girlfriend. If you don’t really like doing the candy/flowers thing, feel free to come up with some more individual gift around that price range.
(If your girlfriend regrettably turns out to be one of those people who get mad at your “cheapness” because you didn’t get her something really expensive, I would advise rethinking the relationship. :dubious: )
Yes, Valentine’s. Take her out for a decent pizza, present her with a card and a rose. Or bring a decent pizza, card and rose and watch movies at home if that’s more your style. V Day often means full restaurants and you have permission to skip that unless you are both foodies.
