So I put up a filter on my email account, that lets in mail from my friends and family and puts it into a special folder: “Real Messages”
Well, I usually only get real messages two or three times a month, so when I get one it’s a real big event.
But THIS particular message appeared to be from my ex-girlfriend! At least, it was from someone with the same name as her. Her name was even spelled without any capital letters, which was her style.
The title was simply: Important.
Some background: I still really care for this girl, even though we obviously aren’t together anymore. I haven’t heard from her since december. So when I got a message like this, my heart raced with excitement.
So what did I get when I opened it? Porn
For one instant of my day, my hopes were elated. Then quickly dashed to pieces.
You know, your ex-girlfriend’s computer probably had a virus that sent spam to everyone in her contact list. So maybe you should be saying: “Fuck you, spamming virus writers!”
And then, check to make sure that the actual email address is the same, and not just the name. If it is, you could always initiate contact with the ex-girlfriend under the pretense of informing her that she might have been infected with a virus.
Congratulations Joe Random on saying the funniest thing I have heard in months. You win the “DeathStatic’s-big-ass-golden star-award.” Thank you for playing.
Agreed, porn=good, spam=bad… unless it’s the type you buy then spam=good. Let’s explore this with one of my bogus theorems:
P(Store|Spam)>=Awesome… However, P(!Store|Spam) = OKAY if and ONLY IF porn is delivered with no scams or viruses. Otherwise, where X is the number of trials to get porn,
X~b(n,.5): P(X>=3)=ABSOLUTE BULLCRAP! If I am going to check my spam email, at least one in every or less better have some chick deflowering a… umm… horse… or banana or… something cool like that.
“I asked my girlfriend, ‘Why is it that everytime we go out together, I end up spending hundreds of dollars?’ and she said, ‘Because I’m a prostitute.’”
Today my five year old was standing next to me when I ran Outlook. It opened up to the first new mail, which was an animated gif of a dog ejaculating on a woman.
I managed to block my daughter’s view before she looked at it, but now it’s clear that I can’t even allow my daughter to be present while we check for E-mail from Grandma.
Why do people configure their e-mail clients so that they automatically open mail and trumpet the contents in a separate window pane? Recommendation: configure your e-mail appropriately for your circumstance.
The second most annoying spam has to be the spam that sells 20 trillion valid email address. The most annoying spam of all has to be the spam that advertises not only how to not be spammed, but tries to sell me software that will prevent spam in the first place. Now if only I had that prior to receiving their spam, I wouldn’t have to be annoyed with their spam…
After the spammers are hung I’d like to focus on the 1% of the population that keeps them going by actually clicking on links and buying stuff that they get via email spam.
I’ve been receiving a lot of spam lately that claims to be some kind of debt notification. They have subjects such as “Imminent forclosure on your debt” and “Account notification of arrears”.
Inside they all turn out to be the usual spiel about enlarging my penis. I keep wondering if it’s a precisely targeted psychological attack. Perhaps when I open the message and see that I’m not actually in debt I’m supposed to feel a rush of joy and decide to celebrate by getting a few inches added to the ol’ chap.
I seem to be getting about fifteen of these a day now. I mean, who are these people, and just how damn long do they want my penis to be?
