So thus far I have only three bunny mama willing to take the plunge? And she’s more interested in a one-night stand (sniff!) Wow. Are my standards too high? Andygirl? Can you, me, and quietgirl just live in sin? Covered in “four” (I meant “flour”, but oh well, whatever works…)?
And Drain - I like some football, but it sounds like with you I would be a football widow, so I don’t think it would work out…
Celyn - go see “Meet the Parents” and you’ll learn aaaallll about Jinxy the Cat…
Ooooh, oooooh, ooooooooh!!! Can I do it? Can I? Can I? Can I? Please!!! I wanna virtually marry Anth in the SDMB first same sex marriage!!!
[hijack]Spiderwoman - you pipe and do limericks? I thought I was the only one![/hijack]
I only virtually pipe; but I used to play my oboe, which is a double reed. Maybe we could play a duet at the back of the virtual church, but it couldn’t sound too mournful. We’ll have to let Anthracite decide.
And speaking of letting her decide,
who will be the virtual bride?
She should someone be readying
if there’s to be a wedding
So evilbeth will get to preside.
-----
—////\\
[&][hat for andygirl]
Dear Beth,
You are tops on my list right now. Now I have to see if andygirl approves of you… 
Your excited potential bride,
Una
Ooops, now I get it. So if evilbeth gets to be the bride, will Max Torque do the honors? Has anyone asked him?
Well, I’m not a woman, so I can’t marry Anthracite.
And I’m not effeminate, so I can’t be a bride-guy.
And I’m not a cat, so I can’t be the ring bearer.
And I’m not MaxTorque or a clergyman, so I can’t perform the ceremony.
And I don’t live in Vermont, so I won’t even be able to attend the wedding.
But can I please come to the lesbian bachelorette party?
sniff I’m allergic to actual cats, but not virtual ones. Can i at least ne a virtual witness?
Well, I fit numbers two through seven.
I like cats, I’m neat, and enjoy a healthy quantity of sex.
No wonder Matt wanted to marry me.
Anth,
We’ve never met, never exchanged more than a few words, (but they WERE about coal) I read the pit thread, love cats, (but also own a small dog, Tatertot II)
BUT (there’s always a but, isn’t there?)
I’m not a lesbian. I have had some bi-sex, and am willing to go again though… I have been celibate since my SO died 5 years ago.
I have my own emotional baggage, not a neat little carry-on, but that’ll be me dragging the steamer trunk of emotional baggage, so we should have lots to talk about.
How about it???
Debbi
Better turn the email alert, just in case!
Well, it looks like I’m a little late, but I’ll jump into the fray, Anthracite. I’ll be your lesbian bride! Or, if you don’t mind, your bisexual bride. I fit all of your criteria, especially number 7. (I do have to admit that my feet are quite ticklish, so foot massage might be out for me, but I’ve been told that I give incredible back and hand massages.)
If you’ve already chosen your happy bride-to-be, I’d love to be a bridesmaid. Can I wear flowers in my hair?
WOW.
So many tempting offers.
I will ponder this while I make a din-din that doesn’t aggravate my newly-empty wisdom tooth sockets, and then reply to you fine ladies.
Una
I’m not gay, but I’m learning to embroider-so can I design and help with the dresses?
I love clothes and fancy formals!
1) You must be female (sorry guys…)
yes
2) You must like cats.
yes, very much
3) You must have read my recent Pit thread deconstruction and decided that I really am not such a bad person after all. Or if so, that you are willing to change me…
sure
4) No IV drug users.
no way in hell
5) Age - from 16 to 56.
20
6) Weight, height, appearance - irrelevant. However, you must be clean. 
okay
7) Sexual appetite - must be willing to make love at least once a day average, much more on weekends and holidays. Must like receiving sensual foot and leg massages, neck nibbling, tummy rubs, ear licking, soft bites, and multiple orgasms.
who wouldn’t?
funny, never thought i was gay… really into guys… hmmmm, and i’m getting virtually married on saturday… oh what the hell!
I’ll throw my gaily colored hat into the ring…
But YOU have to like dogs. Uh, not me, I’m not a dog! I mean my dog… and yes, she likes cats; we have three of them!
I’d like to be the best man, however, I won’t be able to prove it.
Handy,
In order to rule you the BEST man, I will have to check out any OTHER men who might wish to participate…
(Hey, I claimed to have no problem being BI)
Anth! Can I be your adopted kid? I am 15, and a guy. I also wanna watch andygirl and quietgirl Just look at my picture on my sig and tell me that I am not the cutest little thing you would want as a son.
And I love cats.
And I would leave the toilet seat down or up, depending on how you want it.
Well, andygirl hasn’t weighed in yet, but the choices are now:
three bunny mama (who just wants a one-night stand, maybe…)
evilbeth - who has wooed me via e-mail before, and makes my heart flutter
dragonlady - who asked about coal, has a dog but likes cats, and needs love and healing (as do I)
vix - who has ticklish feet, and sounds like she loves sex!
Byzantine - a strong woman who would dominate me, and make me her little dumpling…
Palmyra - who is already spoken for, but may be interested in Polygamy…
and several nice gals and guys offering to help, or at least watch. 
So, andygirl, I challenge you - which ones should I consider? Can we narrow it to 2 or 3?
Just please pick someone who will accept me, and love me, and allow themselves to be loved in return…