I would think the appropriate term for that behavior would be “asshole”, not “alcoholic”.
Remember Rule #1 of Marriage: If she ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
Lay off the booze. Tell her you’re going to and then do it. She will then be happy and you will then be happy. There might even be Oh-Honey-You’re-So-Wonderful sex involved. :D:D
I could not agree with Argent Towers more. I actually thought that Sage Rats’ response was a joke and was fairly horrified when I realized that it wasn’t.
I would consider a marriage in which my spouse pandered to my bizarre paranoia rather than treating me like an adult and discussing with me the ways in which my worries are unfounded to be horrifying for all parties involved as well.
Also, from everything Larry Mudd has said, I agree with other posters that it sounds like the obviously harmless beer consumption isn’t the real problem anyway. If he gave up the beer it’d be something else.
Pardon the nitpick, but that would actually be a 600% increase. 
Why? What’s the difference between drinking Coke or Pepsi, or having white sheets versus red sheets, or whatever that makes this a discussion worth having?
If two things are functionally the same so far as you are concerned, swap. Sure it’s lazy. But so what? They’re functionally the same.
How is real simple logic horrifying?
I second the suggestion that it may just be a little thing, like “beer breath”.
In my case, I typically had a beer or two in the evening. My wife started making comments about my “drinking” and the frequency of it. She wasn’t even consciously aware of why, she was just reacting at some level to having a husband that always smelled beery in the evenings.
I switched to wine, and suddenly all was better. It smells nice, the wine glass is more attractive in my hand than a beer can, and I don’t get bad breath. Drinking “problem” solved 
The difference between Coke and Pepsi is that I love Coke and I dislike Pepsi. For me, Pepsi is not a substitute for Coke in the slightest, regardless of their functional similarity. Larry doesn’t drink beer because it functions as a potable liquid, he drinks it because he likes the taste and nothing else tastes like beer.
Here’s a nice, real-life example: my boyfriend loves tunafish salad, and I hate canned tuna. HATE it. The smell disgusts and repulses me. However, for me to ask him never to eat canned tuna again based on my hatred of it would be ridiculous and unreasonable. He can eat tuna whenever he wants, but if I’m in the kitchen when he’s making it, I’m going to move to the living room and watch TV for a while so the smell doesn’t bother me. And if he wants to kiss me after he’s eaten his tunafish sandwich, he’s going to have to brush his teeth first. If he started eating canned tuna every night, that would be… a little weird, I must say. But I’d probably just start keeping a jar of breath mints around for him. The fact that we are emotionally committed to each other doesn’t give us the right to control each other, nor does it mean that every preference must be accommodated or every irrational emotion given in to.
I do think Larry should talk to his wife and find out how they can lessen her concern without depriving him of something he enjoys. Going from one or two drinks a week to one a day is a big change, but abrupt accusations of alcoholism aren’t warranted. Drinking during the week does not make one a de facto alcoholic.
If your telling us the truth, thats 9 or 10 beers a week. I’m assuming one drink every day Sunday through Thursday, two on Friday and Saturday? You don’t have a problem. In fact your making me feel bad about my own drinking habits. 
But Larry’s wife does not seem to be asking him to never drink beer again. Or, rather, we don’t know what Larry’s wife is yet asking because she really hasn’t communicated much in a rational fashion. Its quite possible that when she does communicate, it will be the same sort of compromises you’ve made on tuna fish.
Moreover, Larry has admitted that a decent non-alcoholic beer would be a fine compromise for him - if he can find a decent non-alcoholic beer.
There is no reason to believe that his wife is an unreasonable, irrational harridan - nor any reason to believe Larry is an assholish lush.
I think that real simple logic should be free from false equivalence.
Besides which, your analogy is quite remote from the actual situation. My wife isn’t an irrational creature, and she does not appear to be experiencing any great “distress.” Rather, she has made some comments from time to time that indicate that she may feel that this indulgence is excessive.
We have not argued about the subject at all. As I said, I have been dismissive of the comments because it never occurred to me to give any real weight to the idea
that a single serving of beer might seriously be considered problematic: “You drink more than you used to, don’t you?” “Yeah, I know, I’m always stumbling around, wrecking stuff, I’m totally out of control. Ha!” And then we sit down and watch 30 Rock or something, and I enjoy my beer.
It was mainly this last, “Alcoholic!” that made me reflect on the accretion of comments and look for a reality check on the subject, and ask “Is it worth arguing the point that a single beer after work is within the bounds of moderation?” On balance, I think the answer to that question is “yes,” and if it comes up again, we’ll have a talk about it, and that’s what my position will be. I am reassured that this is a reasonable position.
I did stop and pick up beer on the way home last night, and there was no comment forthcoming; contrariwise, towards the end of the evening she was at the fridge and asked me if I’d like a beer. I declined and asked for water. (At that point it was too late in the evening for me to want a beer, even if it were the first – too close to bedtime.)
Some folks have mentioned that folks who are problem drinkers tend to misrepresent their drinking - I have not, there would be no point in soliciting an opinion if the basic facts weren’t straight - I don’t drink for a buzz during the week, and have modified my choices when they have incidentally resulted in a perceptible buzz. (Chimay Trappist Ale - very nice! But relegated to “week-ends only,” because in spite of the tiny little serving size, their higher alcohol gives them a little extra kick.)
Also, there’s been some speculation about “beer breath” being at the root of it. I’d be surprised if one quality beer had much of a negative impact on breath, but even still – she never hesitates to let me know when something is up in the breath department - pretty sure that’s not it. (Heh.)
At which point they aren’t functionally equivalent.
I have/had no idea what the OP’s opinion would be on alternative drinks. There could be thousands of things that he likes or could like just as well. It seemed worth pointing that out.
One quality beer has a remarkably negative impact on breath. She didn’t notice it before you were married because she’d had a couple too.
Do you think she just said the “Alcoholic” line because she thought it would piss you off? Or because she genuinely thinks you have a problem?
I think Larry Mud has got the right idea. If she brings it up again, they talk. I don’t know how firm she will be. Its really a non-issue, almost to the point of not even bothering to talk about it, but if it bothers her that much its an impossibly easy concession for him to make thus keeping the wife happy IMHO. Drink water on weekdays, or tea.
I think there was an element of something like that in play - she has a tendency to go on the offensive if she feels that she’s being criticised for anything - sometimes even when she might think there’s probable cause for criticism. It’s reflexive, and she regrets it as soon as she calms down. Once I began to understand this about her, things went much better with us. (This sounds worse than it actually is, and she’s a joy to be around in general, so it’s easy to overlook.)
In this instance she hit me literally as I was coming in the door with a complaint about her weight, and (being distracted by the removal of my shoes, etc.) I responded with a filler phrase (“Oh yeah?”) instead of saying something reassuring. So she got upset because I didn’t say anything reassuring. “Oh, so you agree I’m fat?” I said that she couldn’t get angry if I failed to reassure her every single time she made a comment like that, because it gets a bit tiresome. I hung up my coat as this back and forth was going on, and then went to the fridge to get some water, and that’s when she made that remark.
…but the fact that she’s made little comments before (absent any sort of friction) leads me to think that she probably honestly believes that one beer every day is immoderate.
I know that this exchange paints an ugly picture, but we’re generally very happy. Honest!
Larry, It is good to hear that things are good with you and your wife. Having been married for 19(wow) years I know how it is easy to ignore little comments and then have one make a person stop in their tracks and go hmm and actually wonder about the behavior in question. I have also been in the same situation where my wife, who’s father almost died of alcoholism, has gotten on me for my drinking. Her comments made me think about my drinking. It also got me to sit down and get her to talk to me about what was the root cause of the snide comments. It turns out she needed to vent about something else entirely and when I got up to get a beer to drink while listening to her she assumed I was not going to be paying attention.
I think it is wonderful that today we have the technology where one can have a dialog like this with people all over the world and hear so many differing opinions. I can only hope that you can continue to have a dialog like this with your wife and find a solution which works for both of you.
Joe
The beer-drinker vs the “beer-counter”! Best laugh I’ve had all week.
You’re right… but I’ve heard of this thing called compromise. I also heard it goes both ways. Every word you said applies to her too. HE has feelings too.
Larry Mudd, please don’t take this as anything other than genuine concern.
Is it you and your wife that have just had a kid (vague memory of a recent thread)? Is it at all possible that she might be showing signs of postnatal depression and therefore not thinking 100% clearly?
I haven’t read all the posts, but I will come back and do so. Please excuse any duplications I make. . .
The fact that it concerns her, and yet your nightly beer is more important to you than her concerns begs contemplation.
Some questions you might want to ask yourself: (I’m not pre-judging the answers, just suggesting that you consider these.)
Why didn’t you just say “Oh, OK then” and cut back?
Do you have trouble relaxing without the one beer?
What is the payoff here that you value over your wife’s comfort?
Do you think you are paying a price in intimacy (physical or emotional) by numbing yourself however slightly?
Is it possible that it’s the trend, more than the current state which concerns her?
Your Dad’s alcoholism would be grounds enough for a caring partner to pay attention and ask you to consider the path you are on before you go too far down it. If you are defensive, or refusing to consider the concerns, she may be escalating just in an attempt to communicate, rather than accusing you of having arrived at the end of the path . . .
IMHO there is a danger that you could forget how to relax/have fun without the alcohol if you do it every day.