Her location is stated as “Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.” I think that’s pretty definitive evidence that she’s in Canada.
That’s what she wants you to think.
April 6th, 2010 - 7:56 PM
I am slowly but surely unraveling the Canadians’ communist plot.
I think you could infinitely up the comedic value of this thread if you actually posted to here (or perhaps as well to OKCupid) as if this were the Case. You are the last man on Earth, and the world is a wasteland out there and the only way for you to try to communicate with others is via OKCupid.
Let us know how the search to repopulate the world goes.
-Your Friendly Robot [del]Overlord[/del] Protector
I joined OkCupid a few years ago(?) at the suggestion of a Doper friend who was into taking the tests. I get these Quiver Matches sent in email every once in a while, although I hardly ever go on the site anymore. They are often inadvertently hysterical. There was one patch where every woman mentioned how she was “intellignt” and almost always would misspell intelligent or some other word in the sentence. It almost felt intentional.
I thought about playing a drinking game where you read the profiles (women only) and drink a shot for every one that says that either are, or are interested, in “living life to the fullest”, but thought that it might kill me or destroy my liver. What exactly does that mean, anyway? That you shirk your responsibilities and party every night? Jump off cliffs every weekend with parachutes. In my whole life I’ve maybe met one or two persons who you might say were living life to their fullest. The rest of us are just normal folks who might make the occasional effort.
What makes you think I was talking about you? 
Actually, I’ve had Asian women who, because there wasn’t an option for their exact location, would pick one that sounded like theirs, even if it was really far off geographically. But they are pretty obvious, as their English writing skills are lacking.
And I forgot another category: women who are secretly married. According to one social website, misrepresenting yourself in that manner is actually illegal.
I can’t possibly see how lying about relationship status can be illegal. That’s probably just to try and keep cheaters honest. :rolleye:
OKCupid’s been the most successful of my dating ‘adventure’. I’ve had three dates, all first ones, no second ones. And that’s after three months, and responding to around 50 profiles. No one ever looked at my profile without me writing them first, and I since I haven’t sent any in about 3 weeks, I still haven’t had any visitors.
It’s disheartening. I’ve gotten literally no responses from plentyoffish.com (which I always read as plenty-offish, not plenty-of-fish) and craigslist ads are either spam or camwhores, or the rare real women are inundated with morons so my email is lost in the chaff. Guys placing ads on craigslist get spam responses and no women.
THIS… except 3 years.
I met my boyfriend on OKCupid. We’ve been together for five years this May.
Warning: may lead to exhausting participation in his political campaign, working without pay for his business, knowing more about cameras than you really planned to know, and picking up socks everywhere.
It seems like all the success stories are from women. I don’t find that surprising at all.
I am keeping this journal updated on my OkCupid account, actually. That post I made about the Oriental communist? That was in a PM to the girl who commented on it. Aren’t I a charmer?
I’m vaguely considering linking to my account so that I can get advice from you all to up the hilarity. I’ll call it a social experiment (to get me laid).
Naturally I’ll keep the thread updated with my exploits, regardless of whether I link to it or not.
April 7th, 2010 - 8:30 AM
I do a global search to see who in the world has the highest compatibility with me. I’m linked to a cute woman living in Illinois. She’s Middle Eastern but describes herself as an atheist and skeptic. More importantly, she’s almost as much of a sexual deviant as I am. I’ve read in the peer-reviewed publication 4chan that women enjoy being “cyberstalked,” I might give that a try.
April 7th, 2010 - 9:10 AM
I realize that I have an unread message in my inbox. It’s the latest message in a short conversation I’ve been having with a female.
I stare at the screen for a minute or so before typing out my response.
Satisfied, I look elsewhere on the site.
I shall be following this thread closely for whatever other seduction tips I can pick up.
April 7th, 2010 - 11:49 AM
I engaged in a mating dance with a female today. OkCupid revealed that she had viewed my profile so I in turn viewed hers. She responded by “winking” to me, a move that I’m sure is similar to the way a female horse signals that she is ready to be mounted (“winking and dripping”). I winked in return and she contacted me.
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]At this point she took things to instant messages…
[spoiler]
I don’t have anything to say so I don’t. This has a side effect of making me seem uncommitted to the conversation, which a lot of the time happens to work in my favor.
Again I don’t bother saying anything. Long silence. We exchange "Sooo"s and "Anyway"s briefly.
We exchange more pointless pleasantries for a while until the conversation eventually gets interesting.
More pointless pleasantries. She revealed that she’s into receiving pain. What do you know? I’m into giving it.[/spoiler]Warrants further study.
Mmmm, I’d say no to mini-top hat. Mini top hat girls are really annoying.
She /does/ talk about herself a lot. Some might say that’s typical of women in general but I tend to just barrel through them and go on about myself anyway. With her it’s more or less impossible.
Edit: AKA she’s using that very strategy.
Edit 2: She just invited me to go see the Flobots with her… I turned her down (no, not because of your advice).
Edit 3: She just offered to buy tickets. Running out of polite ways to turn her down.
Ask me about sports. No, I don’t care about sports; I just know more about them than I really planned to know now. 
So, when are you going to meet TopHat Girl, ClockworkMelon?
I joined OkCupid when I was underage (lied about my age, of course, I’d been doing that for years, but this was only a lie by a few months so it hardly even counted) because I like taking online quiz things and I love having a repository. I ignored or politely rebuffed any comments that came my way.
Then, last summer, I moved back home after college and realized I was a bit lonely with most of my high school friends having moved away or being away most of the year. So I corrected my age on OkCupid, started actively talking to people, and met a guy that I’ve been seeing since the end of August. We are quite happy.
April 7th, 2010
The Oriental I’ve been in communications responds again.
[spoiler]
I stare at the keyboard in silence for approximately two seconds. It is a very long, cold two seconds. The sort of two seconds that keeps you up at night. I respond.
[/spoiler]Warrants further study.
April 8th, 2010 - 9:51 AM
I go to Yahoo’s homepage and see that I have a new email. Checking it, I realize it’s from OkCupid. In addition to informing me that my profile has been approved, it tells me thusly:
Obviously the girls have been checking out my profile and this isn’t an automated message sent to everyone. Now I must merely wait.
April 8th, 2010 - 9:57 AM
I discover that I can create tests… I’m working on “How suited are you to date Nick?” Open to suggestions regarding title, questions, etc, from the peer-reviewed publication on which I’m posting this journal. Warrants further study.
Suggested future tests:
How suited are you to date the Last Man on Earth?
How suited are you to date someone who will someday be described as A Quiet Loner who Keeps to Himself - Noone Ever Expected Something Like This From Him?
How suited are you to date the Future God-Emperor of Sol-3?
How suited are you to be A Moll on the Run from the Law?
How suited is you to dateA Nit Picking, Grammer Natzi?