Okcupid: What to do when nobody is messaging you?

In My Humble Opinion
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Okay first I better contribute:

Incubus: Are you a naked amusment park hippie? No? Then, I agree, get a different picture. I looked at your profile before and I liked the mugshot better than the naked shot. Maybe you could take one where you’re outside but with your glasses on and a shirt? It would be more inviting, but less hippie all at the same time. Then take some shirtless on the couch pics and just email those to me. (Just kidding.) (Not really.)

ultrafilter I think it’s good. The first thing I noticed was the bottle of ketchup but it’s not a turnoff or anything. You could crop it though.

Antigen: I think your profile is my role model. Your photo is kind of dark but the thing I really noticed is your boobs. I’m not a guy, but if I was they might make me say LOL UR CUTE.

Hunter Hawk I really like your profile, but I have to agree, that one pic where you’re like, building a log cabin or something? Especially when you mention being a luddite about scanning photos–if I were just glancing by I would say, “Oh, he’s literally a luddite. Look! A before and after of how he built his home! Next!” I also notice you said Bizarre magazine. I can never find that any more but I used to love it. I agree that it’s a lot to read, (your profile, not the magazine) but then again, maybe you want someone with a long attention span and good reading comprehension skills.

Okay now I have questions:

Is it better for a female to put sexy photos up, or to be modest? I am really modest. I have been looking at the women in my age group of 30 to 35, and a lot of them are…really selling it. But then I think, maybe guys don’t mind that at all.

But they were rolling around on their beds with makeup on and taking photos of themselves and then trying it with their glasses on/glasses off, different tops, I mean I find it embarassing. I don’t know what to do. I am never sure if I’m supposed to put myself in the guy’s shoes and think, “Ok if I were a guy I would think women who do that are idiots.” OR maybe I should aim for a guy who isn’t as judgemental as me. On the other hand, if I take these embarassing kinds of pictures where I’m rolling around on the bed with some slutty top on that I would never wear I’m going to attract guys who really care about girls looking hot, which is not good. But when I see a profile where the girl has all these sexy photos, I think, well my perfect guy is going to be stolen by this hussy.

So here is the long story short: should I just have me being dignified and upright (like Antigen is in her photo) or should I be rolling around in a bra with my bangs in my eyes and one eyebrow up looking over my glasses provocatively, etc? Don’t give a joke answer. Do the intelligent guys secretly laugh at females making the “aren’t I sexy” face or do they go straight for it?

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Primus (heh), I’d much prefer that your photos be representative of what you’re actually like. If you’re dignified and upright, then that’s what your photo should be–bear in mind that that can be just as attractive as an “aren’t I sexy” pose. And it’s generally not too hard to tell whether a posture is natural or posed; if you fake trying to look sexy, it’s gonna show. On the other hand, if you’re just playing at being sexy and are comfortable doing so, then that’s fine.

Second, if I just wanted to look at sexy photos, there’s plenty of other sites where I can see scantily-clad women.

Third, I care more about the profile than the photo. If your profile made you look like an idiot, I wouldn’t bother messaging you no matter how disrobed you were in your photos.

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Thanks Hunter Hawk. I was actually looking at more photos and decided there’s just no way I could take that kind of picture. It’s not like I’m really uptight or allergic to rolling around or anything it’s that it’s contrived to be pretending to be all sexy when you’re actually by yourself with a digital camera. It’s not worth it. I am just nervous. I don’t know what I was thinking. A profile should be something you can stand behind or it’s no good.

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I don’t think the women that post provocative pictures of themselves are idiots. If you are both smart and attractive, you don’t HAVE to downplay the attractive part. It’s really up to you. A photograph gives me a better idea of who the person is, but a ‘trampy’ looking photo isn’t going to be a turnoff for me.

Hunter Hawk Wow, that’s a lot of corrections! :eek: This profile is starting to feel like writing a resume…This is definitely going to take longer than one night. But I’ll give it the old college try :wink:

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Incubus, the thing is, you *are * writing a resume - you are applying for the job of boyfriend, and there are a lot of candidates. Put the same thought and effort into this as you would a CV.

Hunter Hawk - Pretty good profile overall. However, definately need more full stops and paragraph breaks - this currently reads like you never take a breath when speaking. And it’s hard to read, which will make a lot of people give up and move on.

Get new photos which show you have lost the weight (and don’t look like you are preparing for a long hard winter!) - people may not read through your profile far enough to get to this. Harsh, but people are doing quick reviews only, and the photo is an important part of this. Helps also not to point out your ‘bad’ points (face, hair) - if these matter to people, they’ll see them from the photos.

**What I’m doing with my life: **
Change ‘For my job’ to ‘As a job’. Also outside of ‘my’ job. I spell ‘traveling’ as ‘travelling’, not sure if that’s different in the US?

I’m really good at:
You’re good at ‘Dabbling in a variety of things without becoming really good at them’? I think this is meant to be humourous, but just sounds confused like you didn’t read the question.

**My favorite books, movies, music, and foods are: **
Wow - lots of serious ones here, perhaps cut down to just a couple so as not to intimidate. You’re obviously a really intelligent guy, just try not to come across as trying too hard to prove this.

**The SIX things I could never do without: **
Love the Maslow hierarchy of needs reference. :slight_smile:

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Oops, this sounds like I think you look like you should be hibernating :eek:, actually just meant that the gardening photos and luddite reference make it sounds like you are gathering in a big harvest. Hope no offence taken!

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“traveling” is the correct spelling in the US.

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I think the women who post those photos are looking for a certain type of relationship. Either something quick or else just email flirtation. Sexy can work if it’s done subtly (B&W is always good) but if it’s not you, don’t sweat it. That’s what I decided this go-around, that I’m just gonna put exactly who I am and not try to tone it down so I attract more guys.

Incubus, I agree with the other posters, you need to make your profile a little quirkier, so prospective dates see the real you. FWIW, I like the beach photo and don’t think it’s skeevy. (it’s not like you’re flexing in front of a mirror shirtless or anything) (BTW, I emailed you to apologize for the whole LiveJournal thing, did you get it?)

Antigen, I think your profile is perfect. I found okcupid to be kinda frustrating. A lot of emails from long distance guys which is flattering but I don’t really wanna spend forever emailing guys I’d have no chance of meeting (but then, like a goob, I felt guilty over not emailing them back). And the couple of guys that were local, seemed content to just chat and never wanted to move on. I’m having more luck on Springstreet, the site that’s linked through Salon and Nerve and others.

Ultrafilter, that’s a great profile, amusing and not long-winded. And that’s exactly the picture I was thinking of when I mentioned it a while back!

Hudson Hawk, I agree with Ultrafilter, add in some paragraph breaks, particularly in your intro section. When I see a block that dense my eyes glaze over. I’d make the section shorter and punchier. Save the authors for the books section. And, yeah, what others say, get a good photo that shows your face. I like your “private thing” line a lot tho’…

Ok, (dang it, I said I wouldn’t do this) here’s mine. Too wordy? Too demanding and off-putting? No one ever gets the yo-yo thing, should I take it out? I wanna put up a photo that shows me dressed up, I only posted casual photos but I wear a skirt and heels much of the time.

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Hunter Hawk, dang it. :smack: (I’m sorry, I always think of that horrible Bruce Willis movie when I see your username)

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Quirkier? :confused: That is something that will be a bit harder than correecting some spelling errors or futzing with commas. I’m not sure how exactly to make my profile ‘quirkier’.

As for the beach photo, well I could always just crop out my shoulders, then nobody would know I was shirtless. I’ll probably get another photo taken this weekend (I have to bum my friend’s digital camera off him), something with me in a more relaxed, normal state.

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I dunno, it seems reasonable to me. If my profile isn’t long-winded, there’s no way yours is too wordy. Definitely post the dressy photo.

Pretty much everything you’ve written could describe ten other guys. Concentrate more on what your interests are. Remember, you’re not just trying to convince women that they should be talking to you–you’re trying to convince them that they should be talking to you instead of the other guys out there. The more you write that’s uniquely you, the easier a sell that is.

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Oh, let me join your party!

What do you think of My profile ?

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Write more, and look at the advice I gave to Incubus.

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I would use a modest picture if you’re a modest person. You’re trying to attract someone who is attracted to you, not somebody who you’re pretending to be. As for people (male or female) sexin’ it up in profile pictures, that seems pretty tasteless to me. 'Course, I’m an old, married woman, and definitely not “with it.” I probably wouldn’t know “it” if I tripped over “it” and hit my head on “it.”

Oh, anybody who’s reading this who has profiles out there - listen to Ultrafilter. He’s got it exactly right.

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Great photos! You look happy. Listen to Ultrafilter, your intro paragraph is kinda vague. You say you like to “have fun” but who ever writes “I hate fun”?

Hey, I’m gonna highjack for your Excel expertise. I’m modifying a spreadsheet and the yahoo who created named a lot of the cells. But they’re not intuitive names so it’s tought for me to figure out what cells are being referenced in formulas. Any easy way to strip out the names so I just have cell locations. I haven’t really ever done much witht he named cells…

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tremorviolet - good profile. Really good. I get a real sense of who you are and what you’re looking for. It will turn off a lot of guys, but they’re the ones who would be a waste of your time anyway. (I don’t get the yo-yos, either.)

Why a picture with your hand in front of your face, though? It’s quirky, sure, but it struck me as kind of odd. I would crop the rest of the team out of your rowing picture, too. I couldn’t tell which one was you (on the end at the right side, right?).

petelin - good profile, too. You mispelled “people” in your first paragraph, and I would lose the comment about kicking ass at Excel - this isn’t a job résumé. Why are you single? You sound too good to be true. Is it the third eye that bothers people? If I were to change anything about your profile, I would make it more personal, and lose a few of the clichés about laughing, making people laugh, etc.

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Dang it, I keep forgetting stuff. No wonder my post count is in the four thousands.

Incubus, I wrote and re-wrote and re-worked my profile so many times - I probably spent more time on it than I spent on a lot of term papers. It’s worth it.

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Thanks for the comments, I’ll alter as appropriate…

And tremorviolet, you’re testing my knowledge…I’m not sure there’s an easy way to find/replace names with cell references…but I do know you can create a list of the names and their cell references by going to Insert-Name-Paste and then Paste List…it’ll create a table with all the cell names…so make sure you do it in a place where you have the space…perhaps a new sheet. Does this help? I’d have to look around to see if you can find/replace the names.

And I mispelled people? How did I miss that?

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This is the best advice I’ve seen in here. Your profile is just like any other investment–the more you put into it, the more you’ll get out of it.

If you need more guidance, the best thing you can do is buy a copy of this book.

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Thanks for the feedback featherlou and ultrafilter. I use the hand picture because it’s the only close-up picture I have. The next picure in the series has me shooting a bird at my brother and that’s probably not appropriate. I need to get more photos taken. My only dressed up photo has me flexing as well (I flex constantly to annoy my friends) and would probably make me look freaky.

The yo-yo thing comes from the Simpsons episode where Edna Krabapel runs a personal ad. I never imagined I’d be empathizing with Ms. Krabapel. “Oh, Woodrow…”