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What do you mean “we”, white man?
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And her ass fell off.
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Cut the shit! Did you ever see so many fucking indians?
How do you make a venetian blind?
Poke him in the eye with a sharp stick.
Two chickens standing on opposite sides of the road. One yells to the other “How do you get to the others side?” The other chicken answers:
“You are on the other side”
What’s brown, mushy, stinky, tapered on both ends, and has 4 wheels.
A piece of shit on wheels.
“Would I? Would I?”
“PEG LEG! PEG LEG!”
Noah’s ark came to rest after the flood subsided. He told all the animals “go forth and multiply!” However, two snakes slithering on the deck didn’t leave. Noah asked “why don’t you go forth and multiply?” The snakes responded “We can’t, sir. We’re adders!”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the 'possum it could be done!
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change!
That’s nacho cheese! That’s nacho cheese!
So a baby seal walks into a club…
What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG!
My absolute favourite, though, can only be used in response to this rather poor joke:
What do you do when an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
Throw in the washing.
[At this point you look horrified]
That is NOT funny! My brother died after having a fit in the bath.
[The teller will start to backtrack spectacularly]
Yes, he choked on a sock.
Anyone know any other response jokes?
Translated from Spanish, so not sure if it’ll work, but…
Once there was a dog named “Eraser”. One day he started scratching himself and disappeared.
“Knock, knock!”
“Who’s there?”
“Banana.”
“‘Banana’, who?”
“Knock, knock!”
“Who’s there?”
“Banana.”
“‘Banana’, who?”
“Knock, knock!”
“Who’s there?”
“Banana.”
“‘Banana’, who?”
“Knock, knock!”
“Who’s there?”
“Banana.”
“‘Banana’, who?”
“Knock, knock!”
“Who’s there?”
“Orange.”
“‘Orange’, who?”
“Orange you glad I didn’t say ‘banana’ again?”
What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet.
Do you know why you can never starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
About 200 drachmas a day.
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other “do you know how to drive this thing?”
Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas…
How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know.
Why was Helen Keller a shitty driver?
Because she was a woman.
I always thought that was when a KKK guy shoved a burning cross up one’s ass.
I wrtote that one years ago, btw, but got bleeped when I tried to use it on the air.
Q
This guy gets lost in the woods for several days. He finally makes his way out of the woods and seeing some lights in the distance, finally finds himself at a pizza place. The poor guy is, of course, half starved.
He walks in and tells the waiter “give me your largest pizza, I’ve just been through the worst ordeal and I’m STARVING, I’m going to eat the whole thing right here, right now”!
The waiter says “would you like that cut in 8 pieces or 12”?
The guy says “Oh 8 of course! I could never eat 12 pieces of pizza”.
What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?
Walk him and pitch to the Rhino.