Older teenagers staying a night in your home

In My Humble Opinion
21

For one night? There is no way I would say no.

I interpreted the drinking question as a subtle reminder to people without teen-agers that it would be frowned upon.

I am not surprised a 17 year old male would prefer to sleep in an alley than compose a polite request that he and his friends visit with his aunt. (The composing, not the aunt, being the stumbling block. Either he can’t do better than “yo, can we crash?”, OR he’s a well-brought-up person who dislikes asking for favors. Or both.)

I would send a list of house conditions & rules to the intermediary; you can’t really do that to house guests, but you also can’t really trust teen-agers en masse to assume the rules of civilized behavior.

I would not go out of my way to entertain them; they are not coming to visit you, they are visiting while they happen to be in town.

I would have them all bunk down in the basement. If there a bathroom down there, you’re all set. I would ask if they plan to have dinner and/or breakfast with us; I would feed them hamburgers and/or pancakes.

I also think that he has been told the only way in hell he can go to this meet with those hell-raiser friends is if he stays at your house.

22

If your MIL asked if she and five of her friends could spend a night at your house in preparation for the NYC crochet-a-thon for which authorities were going to block off several streets, would you say yes? If no, then definitely say no to the five 17 year-old-boys. If your MIL asked how you would feel about her buddy (the one from California with the prescription) passing around a little of her medical marijuana down in the basement before bedtime, would that have any bearing on your decision to say yes or no? If no, then definitely say no to the underage drinking. Hell, I’d so no to all of 'em: teens, biddies, skaters, crocheters, stoned, sober, or drunk.

23

Yeah, I’d let them stay, provided they follow house rules and no drinking. You might want to think about laying down a curfew if you don’t want them traipsing in at 2am, and make sure they know exactly what is the last train or bus they have to catch to get home by that time.

I’d also put them all in one room and take out all the nice stuff. I’m sure your cousin would feel like an ass if one of his buddies broke a mirror or something.

24

Yep, toss 'em in the basement, order a few pizzas and let 'em be. No booze, no car. They’ve got skateboards, what do they need a car for, right? :smiley:

I would recommend getting their parents names and numbers and giving each one a quick call before the trip. Give them your number and name, and keep theirs written down just in case of emergency - the last thing you need to deal with if someone’s kid breaks a leg on a skateboard is a game of telephone tag while you call someone you know who calls someone they know who can call them, you know? :stuck_out_tongue:

25

I’d let them stay.

It’s a good deed. This is going to be a “big adventure” for the kid. He’s probably going to be talking about this for a few years, and have it in his head as an example of the best parts of his youth for the rest of his life.What wouldn’t you give to be in his shoes? Added to that, he’s family and it’s just one night. It may not be a great night for you, but doesn’t giving someone the chance to live their youth to it’s fullest outweigh some missed sleep?

26

I agree with this.

27

I’d tell them to bugger off. But I dislike teenagers anyway.

28

I agree with WhyNot. Toss them in the basement, which allows both them and you some privacy while still allowing you to keep them supervised. Give them something to eat and something to do, and you’re done. No booze, no car, and for that matter no going out and wandering. And *definitely * get each of their emergency contact information. If they want more freedom than that, let them know that there are plenty of youth hostels in the city.

And if for any reason you *don’t * want them, there’s nothing wrong with that, either. It’s your house. Would you let five *adults * you don’t know stay?

29

I have a breakfast suggestion: Mountain Dew and Pop Tarts.

It is the quinessential teenager breakfast.

30

I’m really iffy on this. The part of me that says it’s ok does so if it’s for one night.

But five is really an awful lot of teenagers. Drinking (or other recreational substances)? Out of the question.

It’s risky: you may set a precedent that says, “Sure, bring all the friends you want, any time!” As a one-time thing, sure…but living close to NYC, isn’t there a good chance that other events will arise in the future? Maybe next time there will be more than five and they will want to stay more than one night.

If you decide it’s cool, I’d definitely front-load this bit: “We’re happy to help you out but please remember…if this doesn’t go well, we won’t be able to have you over again for any future events.” Hopefully that will put him in a mode where he polices the others.

31

umm… a mother in law is an adult. She’s s’possed to act like a responsible adult, which doesn’t automatically include sponging off of relatives when she has other options (like using her credit card for a motel) . And she doesnt need to be supervised.
A 17 year old cousin is a kid on an adventure,(without much money, and maybe without a credit card). He’s supposed to act like a kid , and be supervised like a kid.
When I was 17, I dumped myself and friends on relatives. That’s what families are for!
Get all their names in advance.When they arrive, greet em all by name, ask with genuine interest what they are doing, and in the process, gently explain the house rules.
Show 'em where they will be sleeping, and where they will be eating (i.e. anything in the door of the fridge is open season, but don’t raid the casserole dish on the bottom shelf. If they order pizza, the trash goes in the can, etc.)

Tell 'em that you go to bed at midnight, so they will have to come home by then, because you don’t want to get up and unlock the door in the middle of the night. No alcohol in the house, and no alcohol on their breath when they come in the door at night.

Then leave 'em enough space to have their adventure, but keep an eye on them.

And take a couple pictures , to preserve fun memories.

32

Is there any reason to think they couldn’t just say no next time were this to come up?

33

I’m not making any decision until the kid calls me.

34

Oh, the hosts could say no. But obviously they’re family, which sometimes complicates things. With kids it’s important (IMO) to be clear about what’s acceptable and what isn’t. When I was one I appreciated knowing, beforehand, what could help me keep a privilege or lose it.

All depends on the upbringing of course, but too many kids nowadays see these things as a birthright or something. They think once you say yes you’ll always say yes.

35

Yeah, you can just say “no” with a smile, the same way you’d say “no” to any other unwanted house guests who cheerfully invited themselves over to your place. Unless you live in some popular tourist destination, like next door to Disney World, I wouldn’t worry too much about a bunch of teenagers deciding you’re the Cool Relative and continually showing up on your doorstep to crash.

On the issue of giving the guys a checklist of house rules and getting all their parents’ names and phone numbers…I wouldn’t. It’s treating them like children, which is not a good idea. If they’re old enough to be going to an overnight skateboard convention by themselves, then they’re old enough (A) not to have to give you their mommy and daddy’s phone number, and (B) they’re old enough, and mature enough, that you can have a reasonable expectation that they’ll behave like growups. Giving them a list of rules and insisting on having their parents’ phone numbers is like saying to them, “I’m assuming that you don’t know how to behave, so here are the rules, and just in case you don’t behave, I want to be able to call yer mom.” So, to them, obviously you’re assuming upfront that they’re not going to behave like civilized adults, but like kids, so they’re going to shrug and behave according to your expectations.

Whereas if you just show them the setup and leave them alone, you’ll have a much better chance of a good experience.

Ask yourself: If I was putting up five stranded businessmen for a night, because all the hotels were full and they just hadda be at their convention in the morning, would I give them a checklist of house rules, including the curfew, and ask for their parents’ names?

ETA: You wouldn’t give the businessmen a curfew as such, but you would be within your rights to say, “I usually lock up and go to bed around 11”. Which gives civilized adults a pointer.

And I saw this, this morning, and I thought of you. :smiley:

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

36

I agree–this is really weird. It’s one thing for the kid to ask (not a good thing, but whatevs), but for the MiL? Why would she even bring it up? You think she’d be a bit embarrassed…it’s not exactly selling the whole five teens staying at your house thing.

37

Right. So, if you’d say no to that situation of lower level of responsibility, then say no to the circumstances of greater risk and liability.

38

I vote for letting them stay in the basement with sleeping bags. It’s just one night out of your life so no big deal. And you would be making his day, no doubt.

39

Hell yes we’d let them stay. It’s probably the only way that these kids will be able to attend the dealie they want to go to.

40

HA! My parents have a house in Fernandina Beach. Last year at the family reunion, my dad’s niece (a grown woman of 30) said “Hey, Uncle Zsofia, we thought we’d have Thanksgiving at your beach house!” By “we” she meant seven or eight of her family members. Not “Hey, wouldn’t it be nice if we…” or “Would it be possible…” or “Let’s do something special and make it a family holiday!” - she essentially informed my parents that they were going to throw a big party at their house, as if it were a rental property or something. (It isn’t - it’s their second home, but it’s very much a home.) We’re not even that close to them!