And we’re feeding them dinner fergodsakes! The estranged and kiddles are vegetarians, I’m a periodic meat eater and the “guests” are non-alcohol-consuming-born-again-Christian Carnivores.
Fuck. Nevermind that they’ll be penetrating our defenses (the estranged invited them over… 
) What to feed them? Tacos! Of Course! So here I am, tanked on margaritas and sweaty from cooking (I don’t buy7 taco makin’s thankyouverymuch) and they’ll be here any minnit! Did I mention our house was, up until 15 minutes ago, a frickin’ mess?
And they’re bringing gerbils! Gahh!!!
They’re bringing their own food, then?
I predict a night to remember for everyone except, perhaps, Inigo. Keep drinkin’ dude, it’s the only way to be sure.
/got the T-shirt, shit I designed the T-shirt
Just keep repeating to yourself, “My name is Inigo Montoya…”
It will give your strength. Don’t do it, too much, though, or you’ll kill all of them.
No, they’re bringing the entertainment.
POEPLE? Do you have a cask of Amontillado you can serve them?
Deep breaths, Inigo. It’ll be okay. I promise.
Gerbils can be entertainment. We let two of them loose during a passover seder when I was ten. They stopped right in front of my least favorite guest, a mother of a hated acquaintance who claimed to be a palm reader and liked to look at her daughter’s hand and predict great things while looking at mine and making comments like, “you have a short lifelife.” She promptly flew out of her chair, bumped knee, knocked over a glass of kosher wine on her silk dress and started screaming in the middle of Dayanu. We paid for it with a week’s worth of dishwashing duty but it was still the best passover ever!
Well, they certainly can be.
The least entertaining gerbils can be dinner.
It’s Natural Selection, another way to piss off the Born-Again.