How did it progress? Well, she’s a lot more personally intimate with other people than I am. You know, hugging people and suchlike.
So yeah, I instigated a “more than hugging” interaction. I wasn’t sure that she would be receptive exactly, but I knew for sure she wouldn’t be offended. And if she wasn’t receptive we would have just stayed friends. Because it wouldn’t have been a problem for me to stay friends with her, because I wasn’t desperately in love with her or anything. I mean, I already loved her as a human being, but I didn’t have a crush on her that I was concealing or anything.
If she turned out not to be receptive, I guess I would have been more comfortable asking her to set me up with other people. Since she was so extroverted she would have been a perfect recruiter for me. But I had never done anything of the sort in the past, because I wasn’t quite sure of her feelings for me, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. But if she had rebuffed me advances then it would be different.
I’ve gone without for 2-3 years on a few occasions. Not intentionally, my circumstances just happen to work out that way. I blame my current dry spell on a combination of ditching the boyfriend and studying law (the latter element makes it really, really difficult to have any kind of social life). Usually when the dry spell ends I spend the next few years seriously making up for lost time but I’m not sure that’s going to be the case in the future. I’m pushing 40 now and just don’t really have the interest in the kind of social scene that created the opportunities for all my past ho’ing. And I don’t seem to meet many interesting men that aren’t either too young, or already spoken for. So I’m not really sure where that next opportunity is going to come from.
For all the lonely people, what is your reaction when you see couples holding hands or giving other signs of affection? Do you feel great longing, jealousy, joy for them, despair?
All of the above. I would give anything to know what it feels like to be loved, and while that makes me sad, I am also very happy for those that have found what has always eluded me.
Interresting observation, and it made a personal situation make a lot more sense. I have several female friends, and one of them often mentions guys that seem to be (by the above definitions) in ‘the friend zone’. I appear not to be in said zone because, while I find her attractive, I’m not trying to sleep with her; she’s my -friend-. It would be -weird-.
On another note touching some places this thread has been going; about a month ago I went through a long, agonizing process that took about four days in which I let go of my semi-obsession with finding someone to go out with. I’ve only had a month since then, but I feel somehow freer without it, and my mood problems (at least in that area) have smoothed out considerably. I think, in a way, I was stuck in a loop in which my own obsession with the subject caused me to get depressed and jealous, which, of course, wasn’t helping the obsession any, if that makes any sense.
Anyway, because of going through a good process with letting go, I’ve found my jealousy on the issue, while not completely gone, has settled to miniscule levels, and my sometimes depression is… Well, it’s more like wistfulness now when I think about relationships. It’s not one tenth as deep or dark as it was. It’s a much nicer place to be.
Now if I could only do the same for my other depression / anxiety triggers!
Thanks. I’m not trying to brag. If I were trying to brag I would mention the fact that I am 42 and she is 27. But I am not trying to brag so I won’t mention that.
My dry spell did not go on for years. But I am getting out of a relationship that lasted more than a third of my life. I was depressed and thinking that I was done with that part of my life. I didn’t even know how to start over again. Then I made the decision to just become more social. I reconnected with old friends. I expanded my social circle. I stopped trying hard and just relaxed. So I hooked up with a friend of a friend. I am kind of getting mixed signals now and I don’t know if it is going to go anywhere but it has done wonders for my confidence. Just get out and interact with people. Maybe you’ll meet someone special. Maybe you will just have some fun.
My wife had many times heard me tell this long and convoluted lie to other soldiers about Army Regulation AR 617-93.
Army Regulation AR 617-93 is one of the few Army regulations which is different for men and women. According to AR 617-93, once a woman is not a virgin, she is no longer a virgin forever, but if a man goes without getting laid for six months, he has to reclassify as a virgin with the army. And the paperwork is immense (you have to gesture about the size of the stack of paperwork with your hands.)
Then the Army sent me to Korea. I came back from Korea on mid-tour leave at about the six month mark. After we put the kids to bed I snuggled up to the wife and she knew what I wanted. What she said was: “No ! I want a virgin.” Meaning that she would snuggle more after I had passed the sixth month mark and had been reclassified.
Resurrecting this thread to mention a website for virgins only. It seems to be not just for Christian virgins, either. Finally, a website where being a (male) virgin is an asset!
but I’m not sure that’s going to be the case in the future. I’m pushing 40 now and just don’t really have the interest in the kind of social scene that created the opportunities for all my past ho’ing. And I don’t seem to meet many interesting men that aren’t either too young, or already spoken for. So I’m not really sure where that next opportunity is going to come from.