Heat, sure. Constant bending and flexing from being in a wallet, sure. But humidity? Really? They’re sealed- how would moisture get in?
For a little perspective, the subject of adult virginity came up in my psychology class, and the number of people over 40 who never had sex was estimated at 4 %. So it’s really more common then you’d think. About as common as (exclusive only) homosexuality. And they came out of the closet a long time ago 
Maybe, but I don’t think you’d get a very big turnout for a virgin pride parade just yet.
You might if you team up with the Christians.
Since so many have bravely bared their souls in this thread I guess It’s time for me to own up as well. Like others I am an above 40 virgin male who not only has never had sex but never had sexual contact with a woman of any kind, now this is a rare condition indeed. Now I have as strong a sex drive as anyone else in fact I have loved girls since the first grade before I knew what sex was so it has really been a difficult life for me in the romance department.
As for the reasons they are many, extreme shyness and social anxiety, this I have experienced my entire life. I just go to pieces at any form of confrontation and as so many of these lonely heart threads have demonstrated one of the defining attractions women have in men is confidence. That is one trait I do not have so that leaves off 99.99% of females from my potential dating pool right at the start. I simply lack many of the qualities women find attractive. Who would want to be with a 40+ looser? The rough and tumble dating world with multiple partners and relationships is so foreign to my little bubble world I can not even related to it.
When I was a teen I was one of the guys the girls would often point to and laugh or say something like “hey Icerigger my friend Julie likes you” then of course Julie would be snickering and laughing her head off at such a thought. I don’t blame them there was nothing to like from their point of view.
I did have exactly one time where I could have had sex 25 years ago and turned it down. It was an impossible soap opera type affair. A women I was working with showed some romantic interest in me which of course I was overwhelmed with and I pursued a “friendship” with her. She told me repeatedly that she had to fight off the urge to “attack” me and had sexual dreams about me etc, all this was heady stuff and I was flattered. The problem, she as married. No, I was not going to under any circumstances get involved with a married woman. As she put it they were “not really married because they no longer slept together.” There was no way I was ever going to get involved in that kind of situation.
We were friends for about two years and I was pushing a fine line considering her feelings for me. I got a new job and she just drifted away which was for the best.
Still I do often think what would have happened had I taken her up on the offer for sex at least I could claim someone did want me at least once.
Fast forward to the present. I am very lonely, like being in the center of an infinite black void. I was able for the longest time to take solace in my somewhat large extended family but as the years have gone by very few are left beloved aunts, uncles and grandparents are gone and I am sad because of this as well. Now my full time responsibilities are taking care of my mother who is up in years and has no one else, you see that is another strike against me, I am a momma’s boy as well.
I am sorry for going on like this, I know it is considered bad form to whine at the cruel universe especially for a guy. I do however hope all of you who have shared their stories can find love and friendship. Hope springs eternal.
Hmmmm…
Unhappy in marriage and looking for ways out–check.
Female–check.
Shy, but warms up if feels comfortable–check.
Dislikes crowds and will avoid meeting new people, if possible—check.
Over 40 (47)—check.
Needs to lose about 15 pounds–check.
Celibate for at least 6 months, more if you consider quality of sex to be a criteria–check.
Is there room on the bench for me? I may well be asexual–I dunno. It’s been so long since I had a man interested and fond of me at the same time. In fact, I’m not sure that I ever dated a guy who wasn’t just interested in getting in my pants and who wanted to know me as a person… But that’s the bitterness talking. (no worries here, Jragon–I completely understand both of your posts and have felt the same way(s)). At 47, I am invisible to most men. I know I don’t feel particularly attractive most of the time. The thought of dating (once I am single again) fills me with utter dread. I know I won’t do it.
Anyway, I don’t think I say for sure one way or another re the asexuality because it’s been so long since I’ve been kissed or held or touched by someone who really cares about me. But I do know this: if I have to choose between no sex and bad sex, I choose no sex, every time. YMMV.
I don’t see anyone whining in this thread. I read a lot of hurt and pain, but also dignity and a recognition of a truthfulness (fidelity?) to self that is heartwarming in a weird way.
I can picture it now:
“First Annual Seattle Joint Pride March of Christians Saving Themselves for Marriage and Other Denominations Saving Themselves for Love!”
I bet that, just like in gay pride festivals, there would be a lot of hooking up between the attendants in that parade. 
A’ight. Y’all are the same age, both lonely, neither of you has any reason to be embarrassed with each other, and according to your location tags, you live on the same side of the country. You two need to meet up IRL. This entire thread is only going to be useful for exercising the self-pity muscles unless somebody here finds happiness.
It’s been about 6 years for me, mostly because evolution doesn’t care whether sex is fun, it only cares that you think it will be - and doesn’t even care about that after you’re out of peak childrearing years.
Huh. Kind of interesting.
I was in a very long term relationship and married. Been divorced for a bit over two and a half years now, give or take, and damn, do I miss sex.
Now, I have been on a couple dates. But after a time I realized I’m really just not looking. I’m back in school again, finishing up my bachelors. Working what I can in this economy - and with my being a disabled Vet. I have a few side projects and of course I have kids.
My life is pretty full right now, and a serious relationship just seems like far too much time and effort. Liking and disliking, meeting whole new groups of friends and family. Dividing myself and my attention from where I think it needs to be. I’d love a warm body to cuddle with and such, but the havoc it could play on my life emotionally may well not be worth it.
But the sex? Oh, boy … uuurrrrrrrrgh.
Seeing Green Bean’s question from a ways back; would it be important for it to be in a real relationship? Well, at this point not really. I’ve never had a one-night-stand, but I can’t say I’d complain at this time if it were to happen.
Well, maybe if Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima was the grand marshal 
From that site:
I read a life story of some guy with depression. He said that when he started taking anti-depressants, he didn’t feel any different at all. However, people started to treated him different. People were more likely to strike up a chat with him. Women started noticing him. There are subconscious nuances to your movements that you can’t even control that can affect these things.
And guys? Getting put in the “friend zone”? That’s fine, because women have women friends. So you need your former crush to set you up with her female friends.
Heck, expand this. Forget dating. Concentrate on friendship with human beings. Because while you might not have many friends, other people do, and lots of those friends are of your preferred gender.
Funny thing. I’m a pretty introverted guy. And I noticed that a very high number of my friends were very extroverted people. And of course, the reason for this is obvious, I’m introverted so I’m never going to make friends with another introvert unless that person is part of the crew of a mutual extroverted friend.
So I became friends with a very extroverted woman. Really just friends. But I liked her a lot, and being friends with her was really good for me. And I wasn’t secretly pining for her either, because–well, how do I put this delicately?–she’s not “conventionally attractive”. Yeah, that’s it. Then I decided that conventionally attractive didn’t mean shit to me. So I married her and we have two kids together and 9 years later I realize I made the best decision of my life.
… had to check the poster’s name for a little while there to make sure it wasn’t me who posted that …
Well it certainly sounds like you were in your future wife’s friend zone. So how did you get out?
This is one of those things that is often talked about, but in my experience, never happens.
Indeed. I’ve never even been able to get my sisters to introduce me to their friends.
Because I wasn’t “in the friend zone”, I was a friend. I wasn’t hanging around her because I wanted to sleep with her, I was hanging around her because I liked her and liked the people around her.
See, that’s the difference between “the friend zone” and “friendship”. The friend zone is where you pretend to be friends with a woman because you want to sleep with her, but you realize you’re too much of a loser for her to want to sleep with you, so you don’t actually make any moves on her, and if you do you find out that you’re too much of a loser for her to want to sleep with you.
Friendship is where you actually become friends with a woman because you like her.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to sleep with a woman, but there’s plenty wrong with pretending to be friends with someone just because you want to sleep with them.
As for the reason I didn’t particularly want to sleep with the woman that is now my wife, well, she’s not that hot. She’s kind, thoughtful, courageous, loving, generous, outgoing, and wonderful, but she’s not beautiful. So in other words, I put her in “the friend zone”, rather than the other way around. Except, she wasn’t in the “friend zone” either, because she didn’t befriend me because she wanted to get into my pants. She befriended me because she’s friendly.
So there’s that.
And after a couple of years of friendship, and finding myself spending more and more time with her, I decided that my original disinclination was stupid. Would I prefer that my wife was supermodel gorgeous? Mmmmmaybe. But fact is, there weren’t any supermodels coming my way. That’s not going to happen. And this isn’t settling, or lowering my expectations, because the fact is, trying to score with hot chicks is lowering your expectations, except in the exact opposite way–you throw away every expectation you have about this other person except their hottitude. That’s lowering your expectations and standards for real.
I’ve never met anyone in my life as kind and loving as my wife. Being with anyone else would be lowering myself, because she’s the best person I’ve ever met.
You didn’t really answer my question.
You were friends with this girl. It’s not like magically one day you found yourself in a relationship. Either you realized you had feelings for her and said something, or she did. Which was it? If you instigated, how confident were you that she would be receptive? What would have happened if she wasn’t?
I’ll chime in here for no reason other than the self-serving.
My last relationship was with a controlling, emotionally abusive asshole and I stayed with him far too long. Prior to him, I hadn’t been in any form of relationship for 6 or 8 years or so. I tended to attract guys who treated me like crap and didn’t have the self-esteem to hold higher standards for myself, so I just took what I could get until I couldn’t stand it anymore, then I’d DTMFA. I chose not to date for that long dry spell because I looked at the littered trail of broken relationships and realized that the common denominator was me. So I worked on me, building self-esteem, learning to value myself and appreciate my better qualities and learning to not allow what I perceive as my flaws to be a club to beat myself up with. Why subject really great men with awesome relationship potential to that kind of dysfunctional fucked-up-ed-ness when all that accomplishes is inflicting my damage and hurt on to someone else? I got some therapy and got my shit together and by then, I was in my late-30s, so anyone who is age-appropriate and in basically the same place in their life as I am is already married. The emotionally healthy chicks snatch up all the emotionally healthy guys in your 20s and what’s left is the bruised and battered and broken, mostly. There are still a few gems out there, but they get fewer and further between as you get to 40 and beyond.
Fast forward to controlling asshole: when I finally DTMFA, I was an emotional mess, paranoid and fearful, and super bitter and angry that I didn’t see it coming. I should have known better; I ignored all the red flags. I should have listened to that hinky gut feeling.
I made a conscious choice to not try to meet new men or find a new boyfriend for the last two years because I wanted to get my head screwed back on nice and straight. What I want is a relationship, not a fling or a one-nighter, and nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t whole. I decided to become whole again before I put myself back out there on the neverending quest for Just The Right Partner. I knew if I felt good about myself and think I’m healthy, that I will put out a happy, healthy vibe and that would be attractive to the kind of man I’m looking to attract.
Lately, I’ve been feeling whole and recovered and ready to get back out there. Two weekends ago, I hung out with a guy who’s part of the social circle I hang around with, the ever-promising mutual friends connection. We both had a great time, seemed to have a lot in common, and got along very well. He even came back to my place for a nightcap and texted me the next day to thank me for hanging out. There’s been a little more texting back and forth, but when I realized I’d initiated most of those conversations, I decided to back off a bit so I didn’t come off as all clingy, needy, and desperate. I’ve asked him to hang out twice since then, but the first time was very last minute and he had plans (which was cool) and the last time (exactly one week ago), I left it vague and open but he never responded. He has not contacted me since that last vague, open invitation. (“I’m doing X sometime this weekend, let me know if you wanna come along” Silence.).
There’s a really great band playing tonight and because we saw a really great band two weeks ago, I just texted him, in my last-ditch attempt to see if there’s anything going on with this guy, and asked if he would go. I’ve now turned my ringer off and am completely terrified to look at my phone. 
I don’t want to read the rejection text if he’s not into me, and if he agrees to meet me out tonight, I won’t be able to focus on work for the rest of the day 'cause I’ll be over the moon. The worst thing is the blow-off. If I don’t hear from him by, say, 6 p.m. tonight, I’m going to assume it’s not on at all. I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that he’s just not that into me, or I made him sick (turned him off) somehow. But I know better than to make any assumptions – I don’t know him or his life well enough to have any idea at all if the attraction is mutual or if I’m doomed to the Friend Zone.
I guess we’ll know the answer in a few hours, assuming that I work up the courage to look at my phone.
I hate this part, where you’re just building a friendship and you don’t know each other well enough to read the signs if the feelings are mutual or not. It’s like a chess game. You make a move, considering the 12 or so possible responses to that move, and then you plan your next move based upon how you would react to each of the 12 possible responses. I’m convinced that people who manage to get married must be really great chess players. I suck at it because I’m very much WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get); I’m upfront, brutally honest, and refuse to compromise my personal integrity. I don’t like playing head games; this make-a-move-then-wait shit drives me crazy. Once you connect at a certain level and are sure the other person digs you, it all unfolds much more organically and easily. I think what I fear is: if this isn’t feeling organically easy, then he’s probably not into me and I should just diffuse my focus elsewhere.
Gah. Someone hide my phone so I can get some work done. What was I thinking?