YOU are jealous. YOU wish you were me.
I ROCK
YOU SUCK
Because I, jarbabyj, of jarbabyj fame, am going to be a JINGLE ELF in the Marshall Field’s JINGLE ELF PARADE this coming Thanksgiving. And if that isn’t fucking cool ENOUGH, I’m going to be a “balloon wrangler”, which means I’M FRIGGING CARRYING A GIANT GARFIELD BALLOON AROUND or some such crap.
LOVE ME. Love me hard.
jarbaby
Enjoy yourself, elf.
[sub](That’s the best I can do since I sincerely loathe parades.)[/sub]
We are all groveling worms compared to your Jingle Elfness …
The only thing better would be if it was a giant TILL balloon,
like this.
you’re not kidding. I wonder where you blow to inflate a balloon like that?
jarbaby
I hate parades too.
“…ha ha ha! Good one, Bryant! This next float, which illustrates the theme of ‘accepting the will of our tormentors,’ has Kathie Lee’s hair depicted by 25,000 bird-of-paradise flowers from the Big Island of Hawaii. It took six months to build and the rest of eternity to justify.”
“Thanks, Jane. Now, while people down in the street wait in the cold for five minutes for the next float to arrive, we’ll go to some annoying commercials for products those watching at home won’t want to buy.”
This may be the first time in the history of the English language that the phrases “I . . . am going to be a jingle elf” and “I rock” have been used together. I remember back in the day, all the really cool kids the neighborhood dressed like elves. And associated themselves with Garfield the greedy cat.
Seriously, have fun and congratulations.
Fiver…
hmph.
:: scratches Fiver of THE LIST ::
Hmmm, jarbabyj in green tights, and little pointy shoes…Like a little hot n’ wild David Sedaris!
I am soooo videotaping this! Any ChiDopers in on this with me? I’m thinking a David Sedaris like spoof website…think of the possibilities!
::cackles evilly:: Muwahahahahahaha!!!
Awwww…I saw the title…I thought it would have something to do with Rammstein…not “jingle elves” (not that jingle elves are bad, though! I always wanted to be an elf…wait I AM one on the Dope…lol)
Anyway, thanks a bunch for getting my hopes up…
jarbabyj:
Idle threats don’t impress me.
Anyway, I’m not saying the thought of you in elf drag doesn’t make me pitch a tent. It’s just the whole parade thing…
Does this have anything to do with elf bowling?
Well, ya know I’d love to, but this ‘marriage’ business keeps getting in the way.
Can I have dibs on the next lifetime? 
Hey, there IS a picture of Till in the thread, after all.
But anytime you need a rammstein fix, let me know…I’m all about it.
jarbaby
“And look who’s coming up Lake Shore Drive now, Fred! Our old cartoon friend, that fat lasagna-loving feline, Garfield! Apparently that particular balloon is making its twentieth appearance in our Thanksgiving parade, and is made with over two thousand square yards of… wow, holy [bleep]! Check out the rack on that elf!”
“No kidding, Jim. You think she’s cold in that outfit?”
“Either that or she’s smuggling diamond cutters in from Canada.”
Do you get to keep the Elf costume?
[homer simpson]
mmmmm…elf sex…[drool]
[/homer simpson]
Through the navel, of course.
And what I wanna know is, is this affiliated with your job at the North Pole, and if not, does Santa Know that you’re moonlighting?
I’m picturing a giant Garfield ofloating up in the sky with a little elf swinging beneath it. Oops. 
Erm, that last post should have read as such:
Preview, friend, blah blah…
wooohooo Jarbabe!
My financial situation is so dire, I am actually considering
putting in an application for ‘elf’ at Fields, Nordstoms…
I’m a little worried that they might be hesitant to hire a Jewish elf… At least I’m the right height.
I wonder if they make ‘elf underwire bras’ Of course if you think about it, elves probably are Jewish…who else would work on Christmas?
I can see it now, “Merry Christmas!” Miss Creant bends over to put child on Santa’s lap while uttering OY!