That’s right all you Emo-philes, there’s a CD out now. (He tried to convert his albums to CDs but couldn’t remove the hissing sound. Then he realized it was a group of feminists in the back row.) I’ve heard some of bits and it’s right along with the Emo we all know and love. (He visited his grandmother the other day - it was no big deal, he had to go into the attic anyway.)
I figured it’s time to give the man some accolades. Never before has a comedian with Tourets been so damn funny, though the late Dennis Wolfburg came close.
Nothing gets me going in the morning like a pot of piping hot coffee. Sure I’ve tried other enimas…
I was at the airport trying to pick up my mother. I didn’t know; the lounge was real dark.
My grandfather is in the hospital in a coma. The doctor told us that his brain was dead but his heart was good. We were so excited; we’ve never had a Democrat in the family.
When I was a boy, my parents said “Never open the basement door”. All my life, “Never open the basement door”, “Whatever you do, never open the basement door”. Then one day, I opened the basement door and I saw the most wonderful things. The sky, the sun, birds, trees,etc…
“I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks”
“I got into a fight with this big guy and he says “I’m going to mop the floor with your face”
I said"You’ll be sorry” and he said “Why?”
I said “Well you won’t be able to get into the corners very well”
I heard this guy interviewed on the radio the other day. Damn he’s funny.
"I had a friend who attempted suicide the other day. I say he attempted because it wasn’t succesful.
Of course, I took it as a cry for help.
I told my friend, ‘No, no, noooo!! This is how you tie a slip-knot…’".
Another comment that struct me funny was while he was listening to one of talent talking to the another talent (It’s an odd show. In this conversation, it was an black ex-football player talking to another on-air talent who happens to be Jewish. Actually, it was less talking and more a bitch about Jews).
Emo Phillips-
“I wish I were black so I could criticize the Jews…”
I don’t know why, but that completely cracked me up.
Emo was on a local radio station this morning and mentioned his stint as “Associate Producer” of the 2000 “Meet The Parents” (he was listed as Executive Producer of the 1992 release) according to idmb. He said that he was sort of pushed out and had all responsibilities removed and was relegated to Associate. He didn’t mind, since he did nothing and got his name in the credits. Reminds me of my thesis advisor…
The kids would call me mean names, like “stupid-head” and “Neo-Calvinist”, and I’d run after them…but then the chain would snap my neck back, and they would escape.
“Take advantage of my little sister, will you?” “Sure, where is she?”
So I’m pushing my sister’s kid through the park, and he’s crying…because I forgot the stroller.
I was washing out his diaper in the toilet…and I accidentally let go of his foot. Tried to get him out with the plunger, because you can’t use Drano, that hurts a kid!
I was at the New York Public Library, and I wanted to get a library card; the guy said “You have to prove you’re a citizen of New York”…so I stabbed him.
So by this time, my sister’s almost purple from the chicken bone…
Genius.
I can’t get over his new image. I saw him on Open Mike a few weeks ago and I didn’t recognize him at all. He looks good! His other look, the long-haired dysfunctional guy fit his act better, but he probably wasn’t a lady-killer.
“So my cat had kittens and my dad said we couldn’t keep them… so he put them in a bag and took me down to the lake… and I was crying my little eyes out because I couldn’t get them to skip.”
A quick search of imdb.com and amazon shows Emo only in a compilation of comedians (“Dr. Katz”). Checking my video & audio collection, I find a circa 1988 purchase of “Live at the Hasty Pudding” LP and a copy of a VHS video with the same title. (Both were probably recorded many years earlier.) You might find either of these in the used vinyl stores (tons of obscure comedy albums there) or in the larger, non-chain video stores.
Eddie Brandt’s Saturday Matinee is a good place to look for obscure videos. Altho they don’t allow searching or order placing over the Internet (!), they do ship video rentals thru UPS.
If you are in or near L.A., there are several Odyssey video stores and I once rented an Emo from them. Also Eddie Brandt’s store in North Hollywood is right next door to Odyssey – what a great place for a video nut to be!
I saw Emo do stand up back in '87 or so. It’s been a long time since I laughed that hard! I’ll never forget the following bit:
I was pulled over by a policeman the other day. Don’t ask me why, but he thought I may have been drinking. So he gave me a piece of chalk and told me to draw a straight line on the pavement. I did it. He asked me, “You call that a straight line?”
Now, have you ever said something that was the wrong thing and then later on you realized what would have been the perfect thing to say? That’s what happened to me. Hours later I realized the perfect thing to have said was, “yes.”
But at the time, all I could think of to say was, “Well, Officer Pythagoras, I don’t know what it looks like to you, but to me it’s a perfect graphic representation of your electroencephalogram!”
What is the characteristic of most of Emo’s humor?
I call it “delayed mind twist.” He makes an ordinary, even clichéd statement, which most minds will interpret one way. Then the punch line, which reveals the statement has an ambiguity that is resolved in another way.
Sounds kinda cut-n-dried when said that way, eh?
Wendy Liebman is another comedian with a similar humor delivery pattern. She will even tag another line after the main punch, extending the joke. Here are some of hers:
“I just had plastic surgery. They took all my credit cards. Except for Discover, which nobody takes.”
“I’ve been on so many blind dates that I should get a free dog.”
