Back when the dinosaurs roamed the Earth, I’d play pen and paper RPGs with my brothers and other friends. In one of the games, there was a “dancer” class; a type of rogue who were very good at both abilities requiring whole-body dexterity (dancing, acrobatics) and at most social skills.
“Why would dancers be good at seduction? :dubious:” asks 13yo Jay.
“How many women like to dance? And how many guys do dance?”
“OOOOOH!”
It’s been almost 30 years and he says he still feels weird about it, specially whenever he starts with a new dance, but nowadays Jay can dance
I don’t know if you’ll find a partner ever again. Heck, thankfully I’ve never needed one (sometimes I think I’d like one, but I’ve never needed one), because the last time I had one was mchsbs years ago. But you know, and we know, that you have people you can dance with, and if there’s nobody around and nobody breaks the servers you always have our ears
I don’t know if this is at all helpful so I hope it’s not the opposite. I’ve been reading your posts and thinking you’re an incredible guy. You sound like one who should project himself as secure and confident. But I get the feeling you’re not doing that. I wonder if people (women) sense the desperation?
Also, how come you ARE so desperate to be with someone? There are good things to not being with someone, like the independence and NOT having to listen when they’re bitching about me. Depending on someone else for your happiness isn’t good. It’s actually a lot of pressure on the other person.
Hugs. I really hope you can come to terms with things and find happiness, whatever that turns out to be for you.
Ok, just checking in man, I have some thoughts about your response to my questions, but have to many distractions all of the sudden, will check back later with a full response.
So, Quasimodal my man, I had this really great reply all typed and edited and proofread and everything. I mean I worked really hard on it and got it all worded just so and I hit the submit reply button and…and … my login had timed out and the internet ate my paper!!!
SIGH and since it was bed time I didn’t try to redo it at that time. Probably for the best. In the cold light of a near 24 hr delay, I can sum up the entire longwinded thing thusly;
Have you ever considered doing something that would some degree of radical departure from your norm?
To quickly respond…thank you. It’s nice to feel cared for even though I’ve not met you or anyone else on this thread.
The funny thing about your suggestion is that it seems like I’ve done that many times over in my life I’ve moved twice to new locations, gone backpacking, take canoe trips, learned dance, yoga, etc…it all seems so pointless to keep trying new things…like no matter what I do I will always get the same result. A sense of people liking but never loving me. Still yes I’m wading slowly into some different routines. Work is busy again…so life overhaul will probably have to wait until June. I went to Salsa though and a friend of mine I don’t usually see held a small social dance in her place. I went and had fun. I’ll be giving blood again soon. Perhaps the only real big change left is for me to up and move away.
This week…the routine continues. Work and my social activities keeps me engaged and busy until the weekend…when I feel alone. I hate Friday nights. I tried to hang out with a friend (who is a woman) but no dice. Being alone sucks. To add to my pains tonight…I switched my eating to a ketosis diet to lose some weight. It’s working…but now I have whats called the keto-flu (flu like symptoms whilemy body adapts). I feel like shit physically and somewhat shitty emotionally.
So what is this ketosis diet? I googled it, but I’m not sure I understood what I read. You add small amounts of fat to say, coffee or a steak in order to keep insulin low and promote fat burning in your body as well as reaching satiation quicker when eating? While eating a low/no carb diet. The satiation part of that make sense to me, I don’t understand how adding fat would prompt your body to burn its own fat reserves though. I dunno, I think I may have been reading an advert for a “ketosis meter” anyway, so who knows how accurate or complete the info was.
Somewhat shitty sounds better from here, than you did a couple of weeks ago, even though it still sucks, I agree.
Where ever I was going with the “departure from norm” question remains, for the moment, just beyond the grasp of recall. It will come back to me at some point I’m sure. I’m pretty certain it was quite specific, but, it’s been a bit of a grueling week at work so the ol’ thinker is more sluggish than usual right now.
oddball side question, do you ever preview something you’ve typed and realized you type how you talk, not how the words sound in your head?
As far as monsters go, in Dr Russ Harris’s “The Happiness Trap” he talks about an analogy of demons in a boat. His book is based on “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy” which is popular with many mental health professionals I know.
You can see a sample of the Kindle “Pocketbook Illustrated” version here by clicking on the cover:
As far as always doing other activities to try and avoid painful feelings see this diagram from that book:
It sounds like you’re trying really hard to impress people and it’s not working like you expect it should and now you’re pissed off. It seems to me you may have been a doormat in your relationship and don’t understand why she didn’t feel attraction in return.
The Wikipedia link gives a summary. On Amazon, 69% of people gave it 5 stars with an average of 4.4 stars:
BTW in my relationship I stand up to my wife and make compromises if necessary and tease her and she usually laughs (and sometimes she teases me back [the teasing is often ridiculous though rather than being mean-spirited]). Apparently women feel more attracted to a guy who gives them a range of emotions than a guy who is a doormat.
BTW I see that part of it is different to what you were saying “nice guys want approval, but don’t think they deserve it.” (you said “I don’t deserve to be alone”)
Yay. Lots of self help books. I’ve heard / read all of this before, and am not opposed to reading it again.
I have always stood up for what I want in a relationship. It’s probably why I’m 50/50 for myself vs my partner ending relationships. I like to tease in a fun way. I’ve had 4 major relationships:
Relationship 1. I “rescued” her from a bad situation. Did everything I could to make it work. Went on for three years. She had lots of drama in her life and bouts of depression. We were bad for each other emotionally. She dumped me, but it wasn’t working well for either of us.
Relationship 2: Was fun while it lasted for 3 months. She was much younger then me. Best sex of my life. Apparently too much though as that was a reason she cited for ending it. She dumped me
Relationship 3: Long distance. Nice woman. About 5 months Too religious for me though and not really a brain match for me. Physical attraction also wasn’t strong enough…plus it was my second long distance and I didn’t want that. I ended it.
Relationship 4: About 9 months. No sex. I liked this woman alot until I realized she had real self-confidence issues. She blamed many things on me and I took alot of verbal abuse. We broke up and got back together about 3 times until I finally broke up with her permanantly. I literally told her too that if she’s not completely interested in me she should go date other people…and this was before the final breakup. This is the last person I was with and the one that messed with my head.
I’ve been single now about 5 months. A few dates here and there. Nothing major. I do get frustrated because I think I’m a good person. I really don’t think I act needy, but I find it difficult to show interest without it somehow being perceived wrongly. Seriously, I like all the things about me. I don’t have a career to impress other people. I do it because it allows me to live a life I enjoy. Same goes for fitness, music, dance, etc. In all of the above relationships I was a problem solver and the women were not open to compromise. Except relationship 3, she was the most communicative person I have ever been with. Gives me hope there is more.
It looks like you are looking for women that basically just want to be with a good man. This might be true for many women from Asian countries. Have you considered that? Also they are often young and they have good skin. I know a few people who have found wives from China and Thailand though one got divorced. My uncle went to China and had a lot of women attracted to him. He is very well educated and found a wife who was an accountant. I don’t like it when women can’t speak English very well but some women from Asian countries might speak it well.
I don’t think “nice guy syndrome” is about being needy - actually they would be bad at meeting their own needs and try to meet the needs of others. (you don’t seem to be an extreme case anyway)
This seems like an issue. There is a lot of dating material related to that type of thing. Some of the material costs hundreds of dollars. What do you mean by “wrongly”? That they might view you as a creep?
This might impress Western women who are looking for a “good man”. Asian women would be happy with mediocre careers.
I think it isn’t a good sign if they aren’t open to compromise. BTW have you ever tried eHarmony? It could help you find a compatible partner.
I read that people only really appreciate presents if they already really like you. Before we were married other people bought my wife expensive gifts but she wasn’t interested in those people.
