I usually send them a link to the Goat Sex guy right about the time they start asking for pictures of me. (You’ll have to e-mail or instant message me if you want the link.)
Well as a guy, I’d rather hear the plain truth. Something like, “you’re just not my type” and you could even preface that with “you seem nice but…” if that applies. I don’t know what age group you’re in but I’m 34 and I don’t care for bs or anyone that can’t be straight up. You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings and in this kind of situation, honesty really is the best policy.
I could not disagree more vehemently. A rejection email is sad, but it happens. Grownups can handle it. But no email at all is AGONY. It’s so horribly frustrating to put a lot of effort into writing a charming and flirtatious email to someone who you think might really be a match for you, and you start out feeling so excited and hopeful and then the hours pass and every time your email icon pops up you’re all excited but it’s just spam and the hours turn to days and eventually you give up but there is never any damn resolution.
There should be a law that rejections must always be instant, honest, clear and polite.
I agree with Max, and I couldn’t have said it any better, having been in that position several times myself. You try to put some kind of personality into your letters without coming across like some kind of freak. Makes me wonder, just how the heck are two people supposed to develop chemistry over e-mail?? I mean, it’s electrons across the void, yet people (both genders) are expecting to be swept off their (virtual) feet. Yeesh.
::deep breath:: OK, I’m better now.
Well, don’t go on two wonderful dates, lead the guy on, and then fall off the face of the earth.
What? No, I’m not bitter. Not at all.
I would never stand a guy up without a really good reason, like being in the hospital or something; I believe in keeping my promises, so uif I don’t plan to do something, I just don’t commit to do it in the first place. I’m just hoping for a way to turn down a date while a) being respectful and polite; b) telling the truth; and c) hopefully letting the guy down as gently as possible.
Of course, maybe I’m being overly optimistic; maybe none of them will want to date me, anyway! (Although so far I’m one for one, and have my first date in several months set for Friday night. Wish me luck; he sounds really nice!)
"Well, don’t go on two wonderful dates, lead the guy on, and then fall off the face of the earth.
"
Sounds like that book, THE RULES,you been reading it ? 
Lots of guys won’t come back for a second date after they get sex. So, “how to blow off a guy”
has more than one meaning.
So basically, you’re saying that if I don’t want to go on a second date, all I have to do is sleep with the guy and there’s a darn good chance he’ll go away on his own? 
Talk about letting 'em down gently!
And on a related topic, is there any impolite way (other than injudicious use of teeth) to “blow off” a guy? 
(I normally hate smilies, but I can’t think of any other way to make sure I’m not misinterpreted this time…)
“you’re saying that if I don’t want to go on a second date, all I have to do is sleep with the guy”
Oh, I don’t know about sleeping with them but having sex did it for a few women that I asked.
Just not calling back & ignoring the guy, I would consider quite impolite …
I can’t disagree more.
This just tells the other person that he is such a subhuman cretin that he is not worth a minute of your time to write him a note.
This is just so absolutely rude that it is utterly contemptible.
To me, there is a major difference between online dating and “regular” dating. Online dating is a huge pool of people, none of whom know each other at all, with about (I’m guessing) around twenty guys for every woman. No guy should expect to be seriously considered by every woman he emails – she simply gets too many emails to read them all carefully. You’re the dating equivalent of a telemarketer – if your pitch is good, they may not hang up. If they hang up, call the next one. Don’t dwell.
I’d rather assume that I simply didn’t catch someone’s eye than receive an email explaining that I was carefully considered and found lacking. I wouldn’t mind getting such an email – they don’t really know me, but really I’d rather just get emails from people who are interested in me. Some standard blow-off letter doesn’t make me feel any better.
In real life dating, if I emailed a coworker or friend of a friend, I think it would be rude to not respond. There, you’re not just shooting in the dark, you know the person and are emailing them specifically. It’s just a more personal interaction, in my opinion.
If it helps, I’m a guy, and have never myself blown anyone off. Two reasons: no one asked me out when I was single. Also, I’m an email whore. I return spam emails. (“Thank you for inquiring about my penis size and offering to inrease it…”)
I concur with most of what has been said here: try to let him go via email–it’s less personal for both of you. Also, say something like “I got a much larger response than I expected and can only date maybe one or two guys. Thanks for emailing me and good luck.”