Wow! What a tortured life the “nice guys of OKC” live. :eek: I’m picturing that dude as the next mass murderer.
I have things to do today, why did you post this?!?!
Because I said nothing of the sort. Its like you are talking to some other person that is not even here. Or you are channeling some other dating thread.
Here is the short version of what I’ve said. Let me lay it out for you again.
When I replied to ads where they had what I wanted AND I had what they wanted (or at least what they actually listed) the response rate was terrible. Note, that is the reponse rate, which was mostly “thanks but no thanks”. Its been awhile but I think it may have been so bad that I didn’t even get one single “lets talk more”, much less a real life meeting or a date. Needless to say it was a big waste of time for me.
My success rate for random chatting was much much higher. I even got actual dates, sex, and a few relationships out of those (plus some online female friends).
Now, same stuff that would make me attractive or unattractive exists for both groups. And the same goes for things about the women that I randomly interacted with.
So, in the random chatting dance we both had to interactively and slowly go through all the filters and dealbreakers that either of us might have. So thats a lot of wasted time and eventual thanks but no thanks to wade through.
I woulda thunk time wise, effort wise, and success wise starting with prefiltered pairings would lead to better results. Or at the very least more “lets talk some and see where this goes”.
That sure did not happen for me. Maybe its just me. And of couse the dynamics of online dating have probably changed as well so what may have been true (at least for me) then may not be true now.
It was like I was sending out job resume’s in response to job ads and the crickets chirped. Then I started wandering around stores asking random folks if they were looking for an engineer with X years experience looking to live in town Y and I’m now getting actual job offers.
Maybe women in chat rooms have lower standards?
The overall experience surprised me.
Damn it. My initial reaction was “DOOOO EEETT!!!” but you’re right; it’s a dick move, and isn’t fair to people who are really looking. Online dating is full of shit enough as it is. The last thing anybody needs is more fake profiles.
So I remember the very first message I got on OKC. The subject line read “Can I please…” and the body said “Be your bitch?” and no more. He sent me several other messages repeating this request, but with more detail. The hell?
But really, most of my bitching about online dating had nothing to do with creepy guys. To be completely honest, very few of the messages I got were like that. Most of the messages I received were terrible, yes, but terrible as in they say nothing more than “Hey, you’re cute. We should chat,” or ask me how I’m going. When you get tons of messages everyday, you’re not going to respond to every one that asks how you are with “I’m fine, thanks.” I’m not asking for your whole life story, but there are simply too many messages in the inbox to respond to something so frivolous. Also a lot of messages from guys who aren’t cute, clearly didn’t read my profile, or are “available” instead of “single.”
billfish, I think the issue with women responding is a couple of things. One, I’m sure you’re aware of the imbalance between the number of messages men and women receive. We’re like a small company that doesn’t have an HR bot to send a form rejection letter to applicants, so we only respond if there’s interest. I think your job search analogy is a good one. At times recruiters are flooded with resumes, but if instead of sending an e-mail to an already overflowing inbox, you talk with the hiring manager directly or have a referral from a friend, you’re in a much smaller pool now and have a better chance. If a guy at a bar says hi to me, I’ll say hi back. If some guy on OKC messages me with “Hi,” I’m going to ignore it.
But aside from the that, there’s a difference between having the criteria on paper and actually feeling like someone would be a good match. I can say I’m looking for a guy with a great sense of humor who stays fit and has a passion for philanthropy, and even if you cycle 4x/week and your profile photo is of you volunteering at a children’s hospital, that doesn’t mean I’m going to like you. I might feel meh because I don’t find you attractive or because your profile is boring. Yes, your profile shows you’re what I stated I’m looking for, but I’m just not feeling it. Happens. Edit: OR there could be something in your profile that puts me off, but wouldn’t be apparent from anything I’ve written.
So you are saying that perhaps my old VaginaRider69@AOL.com account might have been a problem?
I am so no clicking on that.
Pssh, are you kidding? That’s why I even bothered to check your profile out in the first place.
Well, I’m taken but perhaps there is a new buck in town. Somebody needs to try that email address. But it ain’t gonna be me!
But I’m missing out on treats like THIS GUY who says:
[QUOTE=O noez friend zone guy]
thru all the months of trying to be a true friend, comforting you when times got rough, the sweet text messages, the meaningful, heartfelt songs I sent you, all that, you hardly made first contact. then I handed you my heart and you threw a cold glass of piss in my face.
[/QUOTE]
Welcome to the friend zone you’ve created in your mind, could we offer you a nice cold glass of piss?
That made me laugh harder than it really should. Damn you Diosa for linking to that site.
Is there a site with similarly awkward women? The nice guys one gets a little same-y after a while.
There might be. Let us know when you find it.
Hint, hint.
I had a look before I asked. No luck.
Something about hairballs comes to mind…
Never tried online dating. I suspect I would have, had God not smiled upon me.
Uh, do I even want to know? I’m a bit nervous about searching for that.
Adult Baby/Diaper Lover
See, to me this makes absolute sense. I’ve got no experience of online dating, but it seems to me that if you’re in Dating Mode - online or off - then you’ll be far more focused on whether this guy ticks all your theoretical boxes to make him eligible for whatever final destination you’ve got in mind. If you’re just hanging out in a chatroom, then you’re just thinking about whether you enjoy chatting to him, not about whether his gaming habit would make him an unsuitable father for your children - and so things can develop much more freely, with less pressure, from there. You move through the filters one by one - interactively and slowly, like you said - rather than having to hit them all at once before you know whether you actually like each other.
On the dating site, someone could see your profile and go, ‘Yeah, he ticks all 45 of the boxes I listed, but the moustache? EW, no.’ Meet the same woman in a chatroom, and by the time she starts thinking of you in possible dating terms she already knows she enjoys your company, so the tache doesn’t strike her as a dealbreaker.
I think official Dating situations are weird anyway, probably because they’re not what I’m used to. In my circle we never Dated. A big loose group of you hang out together, two of you notice that you’re into each other, you spend more time talking, then you start hanging out on your own sometimes; if it doesn’t click for one of you, you both just blend back into the group; if it takes off, then one night you kiss, if that goes well then you do it again, maybe you do more, sooner or later you notice you’re a couple. It’s much more organic than Dating, where as far as I can tell you go straight from meeting someone to a romantic/sexual level without having time to find out if you actually like each other - so the decision has to be based on other factors. I ended up having various levels of happy hookup with guys who wouldn’t have met my theoretical criteria, because I had the chance to find out that I liked them before I had to decide whether I was open to hooking up with them, and the spark developed from there.
The message that stuck out in my mind was the one from some dude who wanted some guy-on-guy action while his girlfriend was away and was not afraid to be detailed about exactly what he wanted all the while his profile pic of what I can only assume was his infant child stared at me. Nothing about it said sexy.
Based on my experience with online dating (plus some knowledge of psychology), I suspect you dodged a bullet there. It sounds to me like this person is probably looking for draaaaaama, and you probably didn’t look draaaaaaamatic enough. 
Specifically, it sounds to me like she had a number of bad relationships, and she was trying to fix the “problem” by eliminating the people who had some surface level trait in common with her exes, when in reality, the problem was that she couldn’t tell the abusers from the non-abusers.
I don’t have any really bad experiences with the people I actually met, but I got a lot of “I want to cheat on my wife” responses. Also, numerous fishers - that’s what I called the people who responded to my ad with “Hi” and nothing else. I figured that they were probably responding to every single ad, and either hoping someone would look at their profile and respond, or possibly trying to find a prostitute
I suspect there’s a significant number of prostitutes using the free want ads to find customers, if you just know the right words to say.
I also found that the best way to get every single idiot was to say I was looking for someone intelligent.
My ex did the personal ads before he met me, and he had similarly poor results. The most impressive was when he described himself in very romantic terms describing his love for the outdoors and hiking. Should get a number of women who like to do outdoorsy stuff, right? The only person he got from that ad was a woman who wanted the Marlboro Man, complete with smoking Marlboro cigarettes.
I seldomly get any messages. Even the trolling ones. I’m not overweight. Or have bad teeth or bad skin or any other abnormalities. My profile is quite normal, nothing like my other online personas.
A mystery.
Fuck me.