Like I said, I’d drop the guy a line and see if he’s still interested in talking, but I’m also not particularly interested in guys so shy or disorganized that they can’t remember to text me once a week.
This is exactly what I was thinking. How hard is it to send a text, when you’ve been doing it for two weeks? That said, here’s the next installment of the story:
I sent a friendly, non-threatening “How are you doing?” text. He wrote back within an hour and apologized for not calling earlier and said that he and his visiting son and two granddaughters had all gotten a nasty flu bug over the weekend.
Apparently everyone recovered enough for son to return the kids to their mom on Wednesday (a 350 mile drive) and then was planning to stop off for some skiing on his way home. Dad (the guy I was seeing) was back at work yesterday. End of text.
This all sounds fine, but my gut says the guy has bailed and won’t be in touch again. Oh well. Somehow, I feel better for having made contact. Now I can let it go. Thanks, Dopers, for your advice and support. It helped a lot.
j
Are you beating guys off with a stick or sitting home most of the time? If its the former thats a good strategy. If its the later you might want to reconsider.
I’m hardly beating guys off with a stick, but I’m also not sitting at home every night. So, I’m doing alright in the dating world-- even with all the ridiculous OKC messages I get.
There are many folks in the world with absolutely unreasonable dating standards, but if your minimum standard is something like “guy who remembers to text me once a week,” I’m going to say your bar isn’t absurdly high.
Were I single, I wouldn’t want to have to deal with the disorganized troglodytes that have graced my doorstep when I was single. At nearly 30, I wouldn’t want to have to treat a significant other how to be an adult human. This means I don’t want to go beyond “hey, could you drop me a line every couple of days/once a week?” or “you know, I really like [insert position method here] in bed”. I also don’t want to be hounded by men who feel the need to tell me how awesome they are in bed. Yes, sex is an important factor in my theoretical dating life, but I’d prefer to find someone I could also be friends with, as I don’t want to have to feel like I have to put a bag over their head or duct tape their mouth shut when we’re not fucking.
I’ve only been on okc a few weeks, but so far I’ve gotten almost nothing but polite, respectful messages which reference my profile. Huh.
I feel like the biggest asshole in the world not replying to perfectly good guys. But seriously, if I did reply to everyone I wasn’t interested in, it could take up hours of my day - and ultimately it would be a total waste of their time. So I just don’t respond to the initial messages. It bothers me though.
Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m the guy in the entire online dating equation - because I don’t think there’s any way to discount the fact that women have it infinitely easier than men in this arena - but seriously, at this point, I’m not even sure why I even bother. I’ve been dicking around with online dating - primarily okcupid but most recently PoF - for a few months now, and I have had (literally) no luck whatsoever at getting anywhere with anybody. I’ve messaged dozens of girls and gotten less than a handful of responses, and none of them have amounted to anything.
Eh, maybe it’s just my age (21), and perhaps I’d find better luck with this whole thing if I were in my mid-30’s. I guess I’ll have to resort to trying to meet girls the conventional way, or Hell, being more proactive with the women at my college or work; in any case, I’m disillusioned with the online dating scene.
Still, I’m probably going to try out the cougar websites before I swear off the online stuff. My dad insists I’ll have infinitely better luck if I seek out a cougar.
Is there any way, AT ALL, that I can improve my chances here?
My sympathies, 2ManyTacos, but I don’t think this needs a new thread when there’s a perfectly good one already happening.
If you want an actual relationship, you will have better luck with a paid site like Match.com or Eharmony. OkCupid is Ok for a free site but PlentyofFish has way too much sludge to wade through to even hope for anything worthwhile as far as I can tell.
I had good luck with Match.com in most ways. All my dates were high quality in looks in education, exactly who they said they were online, and it was all completely above board. I accepted one date from OkCupid because she asked out the blue and I always wanted to go to where she suggested. She was a nice person, great career, and Ivy League educated. However, she was guilty of selective photos. I learned quickly what ‘curvy’ really means in a profile. I don’t regret any of them however (and there was a bunch in a row) even if it never led to anything long-term.
I semi-retired from the online dating world for a while because I realize I truly don’t want a relationship right now. I already enough fun dates to last me for a while, got to meet some cool people, and got to do things that I always wanted to do.
When I do it again, I will stick to the paid sites however. There is something to be said for women that are willing to lay out real cash to get good dates (it suggests they aren’t dead broke for one but also that they are serious about it). As a guy, you will still end up paying a lot more overall but it is good for them to have some skin in the game too.
You are 21 though. What is wrong with the bar scene? I never developed that skill because I had a girlfriend and then wife from the age of 18 until my mid-30’s so I don’t know how to do the casual hookups that some guys seem to be good at. I think it is a good skill to develop overall though just because it is a way of learning to sell yourself quickly.