Online dating question

Just ignore that they are ignoring you. Online dating pretty much opens it up for people to do that kind of thing.

What does it matter if they are ‘cowards’? You are never going to see them again anyway.

The more important question what time does Malthus get home. :smiley:

I would have thought the most important question is just how open minded Doctor Jackson is willing to be … :smiley:

But seriously - this “ghosting” thing just sucks, and I’m thankful I’m out of it.

:confused:…:eek: :wink:

Two things that worked out well the first time around, but I don’t ever want go through again - 1) dating and 2) raising kids!

The other person always has the power to say “no.” Any other powers they have are those you give them.

Post #26 reported as spam.

Be careful there.

It’s been a long time since I was in the online dating game (thankfully!), but when I was, it was quite a common tactic amongst the shadier types of sites to send out such messages from fake accounts (or maybe genuine women paid to do this, I dunno) to ‘free’ members, to entice them to subscribe to see their messages.

I know this was a thing, it happened to me twice - sign up somewhere on a free account, get two or three messages from interesting sounding women, pay the subscription only to find some really generic short message. Then they never respond to you again, and suspiciously the messages from ‘interested women’ dry up once you’ve paid for membership.

If I was still dating, and had a vibe from a guy that he could “get so mad he wouldn’t leave me alone” I would **definitely **break off all contact and not given him any encouragement to contact me, or further message to respond to.

That’s a major red flag right there.

Most people are conflict-avoidant. If you’re invested in someone’s feelings, you will take the time to let them down gently or whatever. But if you’re not invested at all? Then it’s a lot easier just to walk away.

Most of the time when I’ve “ghosted” someone, they’ve “ghosted” me at the same time. Which means we both understood there wasn’t any chemistry there, time to instantly part ways. The few times I’ve been ghosted without any explanation and it came unexpectedly, yes it sucked. But it would’ve sucked anyway, and I didn’t feel slighted that they did that because it was only after 1 or 2 dates.

After 3 dates is when my expectations start going up. By that point, it should be tacitly understood that we’re past the “practically a stranger” stage, so treating me as if I’m a stranger will be a greater insult to me.

Watershed events occur which alter the conduct of human sexuality in Western culture. The invention of the automobile spread urban areas outward, and allowed people a wider arena. The Pill and safe abortion on demand removed the iron link between intercourse and pregnancy.

Did these developments artificially change the normal course of human behavior, or did they facilitate the release of our natural behaviors?

The invention of the internet is the latest development to affect our sexual behavior. Ghosting is not going away. It will be the norm, the default assumption. I won’t predict every last change that will mean, but men and women will all act differently due to the lower “return on investment” this signifies.

I also did not know there was a term for it, but it has been my virtually unilateral experience in the online dating world (always on the receiving end).

“Maybe we can do this again” “Can I call you?” “Talk to you soon”–all met by a mild affirmation. But the subsequent text, e-mail, etc. is completely ignored, as is the follow-up. Behavior that’s not just normal, but pervasive.

shrug I cannot even imagine doing this. I had one exception, where she said quite politely, succinctly, that she didn’t think we were a match but thanked me for lunch. What would’ve been considered unremarkably civil was now a near-miraculous event in this new landscape. Every other woman post-date just ignored me and my effort to reach out, and I always got the message quickly.

“Ghosting” might be a symptom of people getting older before they settle down. Many people reach a point in their 30’s where 1st dates cease to be fun, nervously anticipated events full of hope and optimism. They become that thing you do because if its necessary if you want to have a relationship. It’s not that people become disposable. It’s that with age, dating becomes a experience that is endured rather than one that is enjoyed.

After you’re had a ton of 1st or 2nd date experiences, none of which really led to anything longterm, minimizing the amount of time you’re wasting on deadend interactions becomes top priority. It’s stressful going through the rigamarole of asking someone out, finding a nice place to meet that isn’t too nice, making small talk that won’t lead you to say something stupid, enduring the same “getting to know you” Q&A you’ve had a million times before, risking periodic bouts of awkwardness as you search for things to say that don’t sound cliché, and being sized up physically (and sizing them up) the whole time you’re sitting in front of them.

So after all of that, it’s not surprising that people often abandon the social complication of communicating disinterest in a tactful way. That is the one part of the interaction that can be sacrificed without getting in the way of one’s relationship goals.

The world is full of just plain fuckin’ rude people.