Oh suuuuuuure, bring me into this…
Mishell, I tried imagining I was you and that I had had the relationship you described, except it was in person and not at all on the Internet. I imagined my hypothetical friend undergoing the personality change you described. You know what? If a “friend” did that to me IRL, I’d have stopped being his friend IMMEDIATELY, as soon as I became uncomfortable with his behaviour. A friend of mine has a cyber-bf (they’ve never met in person) and he pulls crap that she would never tolerate if he lived closer. Why is behaviour suddenly more tolerable because the interaction is online? It shouldn’t be that way. Kick him to the cyber-curb, forget about what meeting him in person would have been like, and find yourself a new friend. You seem to know what you’re looking for in a person. What you’ve got isn’t it. You can fix that. The sooner, the better.
Thank you all for your kind and insightful replies.
I know I’m definitely not going out to see him, not at this point. I am going to give him the chance to modify his behavior, now that I have made my feelings known. I doubt the situation will change much, he claims he was just joking around and I should cut him some slack because of all the “stress” going on his life. Well, joking or not, I’ve had enough.
I’m just going to have to find a way to gracefully extricate myself from the situation with minimal hurt to him. I really worry about him, he has huge self esteem problems, he gets incredibly depressed at the drop of a hat, but when I suggest he gets some help, he insists he’s fine and he can handle it. I can’t even count the times I’ve talked him through his latest crisis.
The guy is completely spineless. He bitches and moans because his friends treat him like a doormat, and when I suggest he do something about it, go out and meet new people, he insists it’s not that easy and he’s content to just sit there and feel sorry for himself. It really cheeses me off, I used to be exactly like him, worse even, and I managed to drag my ass out of the self-loathing rut and get a life, and he’s squeezed every drop of advice I could possibly give him from me, and won’t listen to a word of it.
So, I just feel like this new development is the last straw. I care about him a great deal, but I can’t allow him to talk to me in this fashion.
Thanks again for all your advice!
On-line relationships are weird, complicated stuff. I certainly haven’t got them figured out.
Clearly, the aspects of shared interaction between the two people can be very real, and become very developed.
But it’s not the same as an in-the-flesh, face-to-face relationship. It just isn’t. We’ve had this conversation on this board a few times, and defenders of the reality and sincerity of on-line relationships can, very eloquently, spell out how there is little or no difference between them and more traditional, face-to-face relationships. Those ‘IRL’ people can be dishonest or two-faced, too, etc.
I don’t disagree that Internet relationships can be very real and very sincere. I just don’t think you ever know the full story and where you’re at with the relationship until it’s full, traditional, and in-the-flesh.
And it’s weird how an Internet/phone relationship that seems really strong can sometimes topple like a house of cards the instant it becomes an in-real-life relationship.
Everyone talks about fear of Chieffy’s nuclear capability. But, I am much more scared now. Warn your shiptmates Scott, I think there is a genuine Peregrine-Manufactured ChiefScott tactical weapon headed your way.
It was indeed nice knowing you.
Can I have your Straight Dope Books?
pat
Well, Chiefy…let’s see. What should you do about this “Peregrine”? Personally, I’d say that she might be an interesting person to get to know. I mean, a good sense of humor is very important in a person. And if she flirts, well then, clearly she’s comfortable with herself.
Hell, I’d say give her another chance. I’m sure she wants to meet you in person, and will come down soon. wink
walks away, laughing…