Qad
The more I read your postings, the more respect I have for you. I wish I knew you IRL. Seems we have stuff in common. And your posts almost always hit home with me. I also really enjoy your stories of your job.
thanks!
Why, thanks! If you’re ever in prison in Wisconsin, look me up!
I’ve always been glad to be an only child. Seeing my friends fight with their siblings, destroy each other’s toys, not get the undivided attention from their parents that I got always made me very happy that it was just me.
However, I did occasionally wonder what it would have been like had my older brother not died before I was born. He was 7 years older than I am (and died 5 years before I was born). I think that would have been a big enough age difference that we wouldn’t have been fighting over toys and it might have been nice to have him looking out for me. But that being said, I was always happy to have my parents all to myself.
Now I’m still glad that it’s just me. I’m close to my parents and enjoy being friends with them as adults, and selfishly I’m glad that I still don’t have to share their love.
I’d definitely recommend it. You can make sure your child gets to interact with other kids at friends’ houses or day care. Once they get to school they’ll meet other kids and will have friends. I developed a great imagination because when I was by myself, I had to make up stories, and I loved doing that. Kids are adaptable and will grow up just fine without siblings. They may even benefit from having your undivided attention when it comes to schoolwork and keeping up on homework. OTOH though, if you have multiple kids, Baby Stainz will adapt to that too, and will be just fine that way. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this kind of question.
I’m not truly an only – I have a half-brother, and later on I got a foster brother, too – but there’s a fourteen year age gap between my brother and myself. I strongly suggest that if you do choose to have a second child, to have a much smaller gap between them, like five years or so. My brother and I never really felt like siblings, we always had a really uncomfortable relationship, and we’re still not close. I desperately wanted a younger sibling when I was a child, someone to be close to and to play with.
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. My mom was overprotective when I was a kid, so I often wound up playing by myself. Good for developing my imagination and sense of independence, but kind of lonely too. However, most of my friends had siblings and I saw how they fought with them, wound up babysitting them, etc., and that made it less appealing.
As an adult, I guess I don’t feel like I missed out too much and I don’t wish I had siblings now. Being an only is part of who I am, so I can’t really imagine it being otherwise.
I don’t really worry about dealing with my mom as she gets older. I know it’ll happen and that I’ll have to do it on my own (with support from Mr. m, of course), but I know that I can handle it.
Everyone’s different (news bulletin)
My mom & her sister were 8 years apart, and when they were kids they didn’t hang out much, but later in life they were each others’ best friends.
I am an only child, I never wanted siblings, not then & not now. When my parents died I felt alone but was glad not to have to consult others about how to do things (selfish?).
My father had 5 sisters and one brother; his mom was from a family of 10 and his dad from a family of 12. I saw big & I saw small, and both are fine. I am glad to be in a small one tho as I don’t have a real gregarious personality. A couple of hours with dad’s family was plenty for me.
Thank you all for your answers & sharing your personal stories.
I was shy and awkward, well I still am, but as a child, the only person I REALLY came out of my shell with was my little brother - I trusted him more than anyone in the whole world when I was a kid, and we had SO much fun! He was much more outgoing than I was, and he really brought me out of my shell - he was the first one to make friends with the neighbourhood kids (we moved a lot) - and he was my best friend for a long time.
I definitely want to add another child to our family, but my pregnancy was really hard on me AND the baby, and it’s hard to imagine going through that again with a toddler to take care of.
Plus money is already tight and I worry about depriving Child # 1 of everything SHE deserves in order to provide for Child # 2.
Also I’m turning 36 which adds a bit of pressure too.
It’s a decision my husband and I will have to make soon, and I thank you all again for your thoughts.
(I also have to say a couple of your posts made me really sad, I won’t name names, but I appreciate your sharing your painful memories and stories).