Alright. So its happened again (this time not embarrassingly; oddly enough). First, I have a confession to make. I am not the sexual Olympian you may have thought I was. Actually, I am only a few degrees above Wesley Clark (for those aware of him); but I must assure everyone it is those few degrees which allow me to bare my soul to you all tonight.
My affliction is that every time I am with a person for the first time my member decides he is unwilling to perform. This has happened exactly four times now. Dead sober or dead drunk, it matters not. Without fail I cannot rise for the initial performance (which never bodes well when attempting to entice the present audience to attend the show on a regular basis). Now, I do feel I need to set everyone at ease. I must declare, that if the audience is so inclined to venture into a subsequent performance, I am indeed able to attain, what may be called, a standing ovation. Why I make this confession is I want to inquire if I alone in this misfortune? Are others also consistently plagued by the opening night jitters? Further, and more importantly, I believe; ladies, have you ever been a party to something like this? What impression(s) did it have upon you? Why did you attend, or as it may have been, graciously decline further shows?
I thank you all in advance for your support, condolences, and privacy in this matter.