None of us were there. Who knows what the environment in that office is like and what the vibe of the people working there are. If you watch the movie, Glengarry Glen Ross, their office environment has a completely different corporate culture than what most people are use to.
Humor is also subjective. Some people are truly trying to be funny and think they are, even if they are not. I don’t think this rises to the level of this person is a manipulative predatory without having any other information.
Her husband was made to feel uncomfortable, I get that, but we don’t know the husband either. He might be a boring kind of nerd with a constant sad look on his face and this new guy was just trying to get a smile on his face. We don’t know intentions, but I think it is an overreaction based on the original posting by the OP to assume this person is a psycho. There is a difference between a co-worker joking about saying you should give them your backpack than someone who says they should have sex with your life. Some lines you don’t cross, but asking someone to give you their backpack at work isn’t the same level as claiming they should have sex with your wife. Anyone who thinks they are the same, should start your own business and spend $100K in doing an extensive evaluation of each applicant they hire so all the same types of people are hired and avoid any sort of conflicts.
Maybe it’s just different workplaces, but a backpack is pretty common where I work (technology). People are carrying their laptops, lunches, headphones, notebooks, etc. Maybe a laptop case makes sense if you are only carrying a laptop, but a backpack works better if you’re carrying a variety of things.
Regardless, even if a backpack was unusual, it doesn’t make it right to poke fun at him for having it. This is a workplace, not a school playground. People are going to be doing and wearing all kinds of things that may seem unusual to other people. Making fun of coworkers like this is a quick way to get shown the door.
I think it’s plenty of information to conclude that the person is engaging in manipulative, predatory behavior, because that’s the behavior that was described. Coming up with the ‘well maybe their office environment is so weird this is normal’ is a pretty outlandish explanation, so Occam’s razor cuts that away unless the OP comes back to say ‘why yes, it is an office where people demand others property as a joke on a routine basis’.
The fact that someone is boring, or a nerd, or has a sad look on his face doesn’t excuse demanding his property. I don’t buy the ‘it was just a joke’ idea, and neither does the OP or her husband, and I don’t think a reasonable person would consider that an action likely to provoke a smile - especially since the guy continued it after it clearly didn’t get a smile. And justifying bad actions with ‘well, he’s a nerd’ is textbook bullying behavior.
Not sure why you posted this in response to me, as I did not say the person is a psycho, and in fact argued against people doing freelance psychoanalysis in this thread. I do think the person is someone to watch out for, and this behavior is out of the norm enough to make sure it’s reported in case the guy does other weird stuff later, or the backpack goes missing.
Predatory people typically start by pushing boundaries in small ways, then escalate over time when they find someone who doesn’t resist the small stuff. This fits in well with the “I was only joking” defense, as they will happily pretend they weren’t serious if you don’t roll over. The idea that you can’t count any behavior as bad unless it is really bad is wildly incorrect, and is something often argued by people who like to violate other people’s boundaries.
Not even then, since the backpack distributes the weight a lot better. Some backpacks are very slim: I have one that I use as my carry-on luggage for trips under a week, but another which is barely large enough for the laptop, charger and mouse (much better for the subway than the larger one).
This was my first question. There are cultures where it is commonplace to give away things that friends and acquaintances express an interest in. It works in those cultures because what goes around comes around, and in those cultures giving things away gives status.
A lot of Slavic cultures are like this. We accidentally “gave” things to people when we were in Russia without realizing it, and also had things given to us that we did realize were being given to us. We also occasionally had people come up to us and ask us if we could give them things, like our American jeans.
But there are two key points: 1) people took “No” for an answer the first time, and 2) this was a culture of scarcity. We couldn’t just say where we’d gotten something, and the person could go there and get their own. If douche-guy really liked the backpack that much, what we do in the US is find out where it was purchased, even if it means saying “The next time you talk to [the giver] could you ask where she got it?” or else asking “Could you give me the information on the tag so I can Google it?” That’s what douche-guy should have done if he was really deeply in love with the back pack.
BTW: I used to live in a very bicycle friendly town, and a lot of people used backpacks instead of briefcases because they biked into work.
I don’t see how it matters - if someone is from another culture and is either so hard-headed they insist on pushing it’s cultural norms on people who don’t follow them, or so clueless that they don’t realize they’re in a different culture when they’re an outsider, they’re still someone who you need to be cautious of. Someone who moves to America, gets a job, and then starts demanding the possessions of co-workers is someone to be wary of, even if it’s just a cultural disconnect. (And yes, if an American got a job in another country and was trying to push is customs on the local workers, I would say to be cautious of him too).
At my current gig, and at nearly every previous gig I have seen backpacks favored over briefcases.
I do recall a few years back that there was an article (that I’d have to search for if anyone wishes a citation) that mentioned that many in the corporate world preferred backpacks to briefcases. One of the reasons for this was the ability to have both hands free to use digital devices. Another reason was security - apparently thieves are more prone to stealing laptop cases and briefcases than they would a backpack.
For me, I have a backpack that is meant to secure a laptop which I use, however I also have an ultra corporate looking briefcase for when I have to make a professional appearance. Having the briefcase makes me look a little more professional to clients because it fits into their mental expectation of what a professional is supposed to look like.
Agreed - to poke fun at someone as a newbie for having a backpack seems to me to be directly indicative of someone who has an inability to gauge appropriateness and that is consistent with the actions of a sociopath. I say this because I don’t believe the newbie was trying to be funny or insulting
One of the key ideas that I try to hammer into the heads of my third graders is this: just because your joke is hilarious doesn’t make it okay. I dislike the idea of condemning a joke by saying it’s not funny. The guy may think he’s being Louis CK over there, and that doesn’t matter if he’s acting like an asshole.
But demanding to be given the thing you’ve expressed an interest in is the height of nekulturny. It is very different: the giver is generous, the person demanding would be a rude beggar.
