Hey, Tymp! I got this goddamn painful rectal itch! Sympathize with me!
Aw, come on…not even a {{{{hug}}}}?
© for me, too.
e. I don’t care.
As with everything else in my life, I am of two or more minds on this. Yeah, as a classic introvert* disguised as an all-around crank I’m suffering sympathy burnout. I didn’t start with much concern for anybody other than me and it’s pretty much gone.
OTOH, I guess I have a clearer understanding of social niceties that Fussy and see them as social duty. However, that forces me to post. What’s worse is that I place myself in their shoes so I can get it up to care. That contributes to my burnout, but that’s what friends do in my warped little mind. It is also what makes me such a busybody. Your problems are my problems because I care some about so many of you.
And why is that? I don’t know–it brings up the whole “but I don’t really know any of you” issue that a lot of us seem to be grappling with. I don’t have any answers to that. It bothers me a lot, though. Maybe it’s because I was stuck inside myself for so many decades that I go overboard. I haven’t found that happy medium some people have found where they can be sympathetic without being empathetic.
But when a stone newbie posts a request for sympathy I try to post something. So many people lurk until something in their lives forces them to reach out that it’s our duty (there’s that word again) to do what we can for them. Yeah, I’ve been burned by trolls but that happens. Replies for people I simply don’t know tend toward hugs, but hugs are easy.
Have we gotten too Oprahed? I don’t know. This is a town of 9000 souls and some of them are bound to have some problem at any one time. Is the internet the right place to look for support? Probably not, but other issues may force us to seek the help of strangers. I try not to judge.
I find that I go to the Oprah threads more than the Jenny Jones threads, though.
-
- Jeeze, robinh, I have to get that book so I can show it to my wife and say “This is why I temporarily disappear from parties!”
Who here thinks that dropzone dresses too sexy, should quit his sexy job, and should showcase his talents as a teen singing sensation? 
But seriously, building on what dropzone said -
I try to stay away from the group-grope “Let’s all give a Doper a hug” threads. And sometims I do get uncomfortable when people post things that are way too personal, but I’ve been guilty of that myself (like in the “ever been so drunk that…” thread). And sometimes things are just so sad - this person needs validation or sympathy so badly - and I want to offer condolences but it is awkward because I DON’T know the person - I don’t hang out in chat or on Fathom or have the meta-SDMB relationships that many people here have developed. I sometimes have to resist the urge to tell people “Get off the computer and go give an ACTUAL hug to someone who is ACTUALLY in your life” - but who’s to say that cyber-friends are not real friends? Caring about people is caring about people. I think we have a huge preponderance of introverts here - people who express themselves better in writing than they do verbally, people who are happy to find others like them - I think a lot of people come out of their shells here on the board.
If someone is legitimately asking for help or advice, and I feel I can help in some way, I jump in and help. Swiddles didn’t dub me the Patron Saint of Wise Quality Advice-Laden Posters (and that fantastic New Lipstick feeling) for nothing! :rolleyes: But I don’t feel like I have a duty to open and participate in every touchy-feely thread around - if I can help I help, if I can’t I can’t, if people are idiots, I mock them.
I do think the Oprah-ness should reside in MPSIMS as much as possible, not because people’s trials & tribulations are mundane or pointless, but because by default that’s where the “community” feeling has sprung up - it works there - people feel safe to share what’s on their minds, posters who come here strictly for GD & GQ don’t get annoyed.
I go back and forth–sometimes, I’m too damn busy to do more than just read threads, sometimes I don’t feel like getting involved, and sometimes I do feel like getting involved. I’ve been pretty huggy lately, because I feel like it, and I’m sure after a while I’ll get either tired of it or too busy and stop or cut back.
When I find myself getting my feelings hurt because someone doesn’t respond to my posts in the hugfest threads, I remind myself that most of the folks on here don’t really know me and I shouldn’t take it too personally–y’know, reality check.
I think you’re perfectly justified in not liking those sort of threads, and while it would be nice if all of them could have titles like “Blatant plea for attention,” not all of them do, so if you find yourself in one by mistake, just hit the back button and continue on your merry way. It’s an annoyance but doesn’t have to be a major one.
A lot of people have made very good friends with folks from these boards, and the community here can be a good outlet for those who can’t get out much–stay at home parents, geographically isolated, etc. For me, this board will never be a replacement or even major competition for IRL interaction with people, but it is a nice supplement, especially when I’m stuck in front of the computer for hours on end (the life of a student).
I think that you find community wherever you can find it – if it’s electronic, it’s electronic. That said, I also think that by far the most valuable aspect of participating in this board is getting opportunities for the face-to-face stuff at the DopeFests and such. If nothing else, you can confirm the gender that people claim they are.
I feel that way about family, neccessitating explanations to the kids that Uncle So-and-so isn’t REALLY their uncle and is, in the greater scheme of things, no closer a relation than the Man in the Moon.
So why do I have so much trouble reconciling online friendships? I dunno.
d.
I would sure hate this community to turn into a colder, more heartless and purely technical/scientific-fact-driven-only one.
We have different forums on this board. They each have different themes. If you do not wish to read “My ferret died, please pray for him” threads then stay in GQ or GD.
If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
As I’ve said, I avoid them to the best of my abilities.
By no means am I trying to say that people shouldn’t post such things if that is what they want to do.
More than anything else I was just curious if anybody else felt the same way as me or if I am truly the cold, heartless, vulcan-like, bastard that my ex-wife claims.
Weighing in as a relative newbie, I’m going with d.
This is the only message board that I regularly post to- mostly because I feel that this is one of the most dynamic, intelligent, varied places that I’ve ever run across. My only other experience with net connections are the email lists that I’m in charge of, but they’re for gay teens and as such, I’m sure you can imagine the general nature of the posting.
I like that the option is available to say “this is what’s going on in my life”. (Heck, I just posted a poem about lonliness in MPSIMS) I think it’s a credit to the board that such an option is available, and even more so a credit that if desired, such things can be avoided.
I don’t know if I have a non-standard mentality, but I find myself feeling like I know (on some level) certain posters just from regularly reading their stuff, regardless of if I’ve interacted with them in some way via the boards. There are a bunch of posters that I could rattle off whose posts I regularly read because I greatly admire their style, points, or perspective. It’s a strange connection, but it’s there nonetheless.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that if someone posts a “my ferret died and I need a hug” thread, I’ll probably read it (but not necessarily reply) because they’re a Doper, because I’ve read their posts and found myself engaged by them, or because it’s something that I’ve dealt with that reaches me.
So, um… D.
HIJACK-- Eve, I think you’ve nailed it for a lot of people with your “folks on a commuter train” analogy; people you don’t know well for almost every part of your life, but you have something in common for a tiny little bit of your life. – End HIJACK
I tend to stay away from the Huggy threads because I too am a heartless cynic, but also because no matter how dumb you’ve been you’ll get a few posts telling you it wasn’t your fault, and no matter how unflattering the picture you post is, somebody is bound to tell you that you are the handsomest thing they’ve laid eyes on since they last came into town for supplies.
Having said that, there are a large number of people who know each other a lot better than regular posters, even if it is only electronically, and then it is something a different ballpark, if you’ve made the investment to really get to know people then the board then you get to treat it a little like you’re living room. A good example I guess is Coldfire and me, I joined the board scant months ahead of Cold, worked in the same building as him and yet I don’t even know who he is, mainly because I’ve never made the effort; on the other hand Cold got right on in there, has about a million posts under his belt and can give about half the board a hug when they need it. My commuter train is Cold’s living room.
Umm, I’ve forgotten the point I was trying to make; talk amongst your selves for a spell while Mad Uncle Moonshine gathers his thoughts.
Duh, Ob, everyone knows that curmudgeons are closet romantics who have some secret pain buried deep in their souls. Haven’t you watched any afterschool tv? Just you wait, this Christmas baglady will get you the toy you wanted when you were a wee lad and all of a sudden you’ll be {{}}ing and :)ing with the rest of us!
And then, I’ll have to develop a secret longing for the next curmudgeon that comes on board. 
I’d go with a straight (B.), you don’t really have an obligation to care or even pretend you care. Though, it is nice to comfort. Damn, am I changing my mind?
Dammit tatertot, if you keep trying to see my soft side it really deflates the persona.
Besides, the problem was that as a kid I always got toys and I didn’t want them. Nobody seemed to understand that I meant it when I said that all I wanted were books (except my mom who got me a leatherbound collection of Mark Twain for Christmas when I was 9).
Nice post Kupek, did you think that one up all by yourself? The thread was merely asking for an opinion, not a smartass remark. If you don’t have an opinion, then don’t post. We all know that if you don’t like it then don’t read it, but that doesn’t give a reason for why you don’t like it now does it? Obfus only asked.
Geez, Obby, even you should know that every curmudgeon needs a perky, happy sidekick around just to keep things interesting. Didn’t you see “Dennis the Menace”?
Back to the OP, I like the balance that the board has now, but if we ever turn into something akin to the Lifetime television channel, but online, I’m outta here. There is a limit to how much sympathy anyone can feel for (mostly) total strangers and feel sane.
I post a thread seeking support and compasion in regards to my anal leakage problem and what do you do? You wonder what freekin’ side dish you’re going to have with your miserable supper.
If that weren’t enough, my pet slug gets a full frontal lobotomy and you snubb me again.
You sir, are a rat bastard.
…
Bi-polar episode is over.
We see eye to eye on this one Ob’
On one hand, it’s nice to think that people can “let loose” with their emotions here. On the other, I sometimes feel oogy when I enter a thread of this nature…so, being the mensa member that I am…I usually don’t enter those type of threads.
D.
I like the virtual family aspect; I have given and received much support and sympathy here, and I’ve watched as online friendships have blossomed IRL. I’ve also sadly watched as feuds and wars have flared.
Like any society, there is ebb and flow, give and take. It’s more complex than your choices would indicate, but for E.
I like the freedom of it. You can wander in and out as you please, open the threads you wish, and post if it appeals to you. No one is holding a gun to anyones’ head here.