Not really Café Society material, unless my colleagues beg to differ.
We’ve all seen them. Oscar Categories that seem to be rather far-fetched.
Here’s the deal: we’re gonna invent some of our own, as far-fetched as possible. I’ll start!
[ul][li]Best Espresso Machine on the set[/li][li]Best parking facilities[/li][li]Best use of soft-edge focus combined with violin music in a motion picture[/li] Best dolly gaffer key grip rigger (I always see those in the end credits, and don’t know what the hell they are :))[/ul]
[li]Best extra in a battle scene.[/li][li]Best Three’s Company reference.[/li][li]Best accounting.[/li][li]Best film over 12 hours.[/li][li]Best ambience.[/li][li]Best acting person with XXY chromosomes.[/li][li]Best shrubbery[/ul][/li]
Best use of vB coding - CF.
The World’s Stupidest Bottom Burp.
Best Actor for Always Acting Angry (Oh, Denzel won that already)
Best Movie Destroyed by Horrible Music
Feel Good Movie of the Year (make it an award already)
Most Self Ingratiating Star Award
Best Attempt By A Hack Actor Trying To Get Himself Taken Seriously (or “The Jim Carrey Award”)
March 26, 2002, 2:12pm
Best Product Placement
Best Nude Scene
Best Use of a Movie Cliche’
Best Acceptance Speech from the Previous Year’s Ceremony
Best Performance by an Animal
Best Performance by a Plant
Best Best Boy
Best Actor/Actress in a Mentally Handicapped, Physically Handicapped, Clinically Insane or Terminally Ill Role.
Best Performance by an Actor/Actress We Expect to Die Before They Make Another Film
Special Award for Someone the Academy Feels Bad About Not Giving an Award to That Other Time
Most Gratuitous Use of the Word “Belgium”
March 26, 2002, 2:25pm
Stop me now! I jus’ can’t help mahself!
Best Use of a Phallic Symbol in a Film
Best Movie Trailer
Best Celebrity-Endorsed Cause
Best Campaign to Lobby the Academy for an Award
Best Movie Industry “In-Joke”
Best Seat Filler
*Originally posted by Coldfire *
[li]Best dolly gaffer key grip rigger (I always see those in the end credits, and don’t know what the hell they are :))[/ul] **[/li][/QUOTE]
Gaffer - Lighting technician.
Grip - Basic laborer responsible for moving lights/ladders/equipment etc.
Best Bonding Scene Involving a Parent Singing A 70’s Motown Standard With His/Her Kids
Best Heavy Metal Accompanyment To A Wesley Snipes Fight Scene
Best Picture That’s An Outrageous Ripoff of “Aliens”
Best Picture That’s An Outrageous Ripoff of “Die Hard”
Best Montage Of Falling-In-Love Clips Set To A Love Song
Best “Matrix” Reference
Best Soundtrack Involving Alterna-Punk Bands Nobody Has Ever Heard Of
Best Performance By a Fashion Model
Best Performance As a Cop On The Edge
Best Performance as a Hooker With a Heart Of Gold
Best Performance As a Fashionable, Sweet But Jaded Young Woman Who Can’t Find Love In The Big City
Best Performance As a Retired Elite Commando Who Must Fight One Last Time To Save His Child/Old Army Buddy/Love Interest
Best Straght-To-Video Animated Sequel
Best Original Song By Someone Who Used To Be Cool But Is Now a Hack (Elton John, Sting and Phil Collins would be annual nominees)
I think they have this already. Can someone confirm.
Their reality is as silly as our parody of them.
March 26, 2002, 3:35pm
Well, they already have these:
A.k.a. Best Actor/Actress (Geoffrey Rush, Dustin Hoffman, Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks…)
A.k.a Best Supporting Actor/Actress, or occasionally Best Actor/Actress (Jack Palance, Don Ameche, Jessica Tandy…)
Which covers everybody who doesn’t fall into the above two categories.
March 26, 2002, 3:41pm
Best wet street at night scene.
Best car crashing into vegetable stand scene.
Best fight scene where our hero doen’t get a scratch but all 1,000,000 of the CGI beasties get slaughtered.
Best performance as a boyfriend who was dumped by the cute girl because she met a guy who was just so sexy (award named after Bill Pullman).
Best performance by an animal that was “not harmed in the making of this film”.
Best Stirring Vision of the Triumph of the Human Spirit
That way, we can start giving Best Picture to movies that are good, and don’t just make us feel good.
March 26, 2002, 8:59pm
I’d just merge the Golden Raspberries with the Oscars – I want to see big-stage production announcements for Worst Movie, Worst Actor, Worst Supporting Actress, the whole nine yards…
1a. Best scene in which a character is able to outrun a huge explosion
[li]Best stereotyping. (This one could be a Razzie)[/li][/ul]
Best Onscreen Duo
Best Action Sequence
Best song used in a movie(not like best song that’s written specifically for the movie).
Best quote, so movies such as American Pie can win.