“Best Public Display of Nipples in the Oscar Award Ceremony” Award.
Winner, 2002: Gwyneth Paltrow.
Since the academy won’t recognize comedies and–with the exception of Moulin Rouge–musicals, I think it’s time they add a category for
Best Comedic/Musical Motion Picture (similar to what the Golden Globes does)
Oh, this is supposed to be a funny thread? My apologies:
Best Talking Killer
Best Woman That Falls Down While Being Chased and Man Picks Her Up and Keeps on Running
Best Wunza Team (One’s a tough cop, one’s a hooker with a heart of gold…)
Best Julia Robert’s Fiance of the Moment
Best Crying Jag While Up on Stage
Best Movie Poster
Best Fast Food Value Meal Movie Tie-in Toys
Best Fast Food Movie Scene Collectable Plastic Cups
Best Performance by a Heterosexual Playing a Homosexual
Best Performance by a Homosexual Playing a Heterosexual
Most Ambiguous Performance by an Actor or Actress of Indeterminate Sexuality
Best Exposition by a Villain Before Killing the Hero
Best Contrivance Built by a Villain to Kill the Hero
Most Death-Defying Escape by a Hero From Aforementioned Contrivance
And a special Lifetime Acheivement Award for the director who managed to go his whole career without filming a remake of a hokey, long-cancelled and best-forgotten television series.
Best Supporting Neck : 2002 winner - Russel Crowe for the gigantic neck that supports an even more gigantic cranium
Best Movie to Watch While Completley Zonked
Best Western : This could either be an award for the best Western or an award for the best on-site actor’s accomodations during filming.
Best Red Carpet Snub : Given to the best zinger / snub delivered by an actor / actress to Joan Rivers.
Best Last Ditch Attempt to Get Attention by Wearing a Really Awful Bob Mackie Gown to the Ceremony : Cher would get a Lifetime Achievement award in this category.
How about combining them?
Best Product Placement in a Nude Scene.
I’ll leave the emphasis up to you.
Best Oscar Acceptance Speech.
Best, George.
PT
Which brings up the following quote from last year’s Oscars:
"Thank you. That was Rosie Millard in the best supporting dress"
- Michael Buerk concluding Millard’s Oscar report, which she delivered in a plunging Vivienne Westwood frock, BBC 1
Best distortion of historical fact
Best spoken platitude
Best The Matrix rip-off
Best use of ‘Carmina Burana’
Best use of Beethoven’s 9th
Best use of Pachelbel’s Canon in D
Best/Worst Sequel
Best/Worst Remake
Surprise Hit of the Year–loved by movie going audiences, but panned by critics
How about a subset of this one:
Best placement of the latest cool Macintosh Product, not necessarily in its intended use.
How about “Best Cafe Society Thread Posted In The Wrong Forum”.
Most Gratuitous Use of the Word ‘Fuck’ In a Motion Picture
Best new award category.
Best Divorce (And the winner is: Steve Speilberg and Amy Irving, just edging out the James Cameron/Linda Hamilton fiasco)
Best location f*** (And the winner is: Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe!)
Biggest prima-donna director: And the winner is: William Friedkin. I mean, the guy wears white gloves for God’s sake!
Worst Understanding of Scientific Principles
Worst Understanding of the Legal System
Worst Understanding of Police Procedures
Best Trailer that Made a Total Piece of Crap Look Decent
Best Villian (For villians you wish would win, even though you know they won’t)
Worst “Hero” (For those who are supposed to be the hero, even though there’s nothing heroic about them)
Most Prententious Film
Evilest Corporation
Most Realistic Science Fiction Movie
Best/Worst Portrayal of the President of the United States
Lifetime Lack-of-Achievement Award (For those with an overall body of work that’s just awful)
Worst Prognostication (This category would be for films made in the past, set in what was then the future, but isn’t anymore. These films are for the worst predictions of what the world would be like in the year the film was set. For example, Back to the Future, Part II would become eligible in 2015.)
Best Shameless and Obvious Attempt to Win the Best Actor / Actress Award
Best Straight-Faced Delivery of “It’s an honor just to be nominated by one’s peers!”
Best Concealment of Muttering “That bitch couldn’t act her way out of a wet paper bag!” under your breath when you don’t Win Best Actress and the camera is pointed at you.
Best Worst Movie (inspired by the “Dude Where’s My Car” appreciation thread and my long time love for really shitty movies)
A few I’d like to see…
Biggest waste of money on special effects that were, um, less than special
Worst giveaway-the-plot, no-point-going-to-see-it-now trailer
Least plausible plot or character in a major motion picture
The Jack Nicholson “I can’t believe how lucky I am” award for the actor paid the most for doing the least
Least successful attempt by an actor well-established in genre A to get into genre B
Annual “Memento” award for the movie that was great, but just too darned clever for its own good
The Matt Leblanc ‘Lost In Space’ Shoot My Agent award for the most failed attempt by a TV star to land a decent part in a big movie
Most cringe-worthy Awkward Camerawork award for a nude scene featuring a mainstream male actor whose contract stipulates ‘no dangly bits shall be seen’
The Jackie Brown Award for a follow-up movie that was really very good but sadly just wasn’t quite as good as its brilliant predecessor and therefore missed out on a lot of acclaim
A few I’d like to see…
Biggest waste of money on special effects that were, um, less than special
Worst giveaway-the-plot, no-point-going-to-see-it-now trailer
Least plausible plot or character in a major motion picture
The Jack Nicholson “I can’t believe how lucky I am” award for the actor paid the most for doing the least
Least successful attempt by an actor well-established in genre A to get into genre B
Annual “Memento” award for the movie that was great, but just too darned clever for its own good
The Matt Leblanc ‘Lost In Space’ Shoot My Agent award for the most failed attempt by a TV star to land a decent part in a big movie
Most cringe-worthy Awkward Camerawork award for a nude scene featuring a mainstream male actor whose contract stipulates ‘no dangly bits shall be seen’
The Jackie Brown Award for a follow-up movie that was really very good but sadly just wasn’t quite as good as its brilliant predecessor and therefore missed out on a lot of acclaim