Me and a good friend Tim go to play racquetball. I reserve an hour or two every day we go. EVERY FUCKING PERSON that stops to watch, Tim has to stop the game look inquisitively at them through the glass, and then ask them if they wanted to use the court. “Well maybe we’re on the wrong court” “They could use it more, we can wait” “I’m sure there’s another court open for us” WHY CANT THOSE FUCKS FIND IT?
And then when there’s close calls on a serve/fault, or discrepancy in the score, he just hands away his points and give you the serve. Did you KNOW the game is built around both players WANTING TO WIN and therefore TRYING to do so? Competitive sports isn’t the place for politeness.
OH AND ALSO, four of us are cooling off after a game, and Sean notices his exgirlfriend upstairs, making a small comment about it. Tim says “Well why don’t we go say hi to her?” Sean seems avoidant about it, and I see no reason to go if SEAN doesn’t want to. Tim says “I think I’ll go say Hi! It would be the friendly thing to do, I think she noticed us already!”
GOD it’s infuriating. I love it so much more playing with the guy who wants to ace the serve and gives me hard shots, it’s how great moments happen, when we’re both trying our best. As for the ex, WHY WHY WHY. Can Tim really care more for random people he barely knows than for the friends he sees all the time?
Tell him to shut up and stop being so annoying. He’ll probably apologize.
I mean, you’re not afraid of confronting him, are you? Because that sounds about as dangerous as confronting a marshmallow. Whenever he does something annoying, shout at him; he’ll back down.
Tell him to shut the fuck up and serve if he looks to a passerby. Tell him point blank “leave her the fuck alone”. If he’s even half the creampuff you paint him as, he’ll shut the fuck up and do what y’all tell him to do.
And if he somehow grows a spine and doesn’t, ditch the moron, at least for racquetball. And tell him you’ve ditched him, and why. That way he can still re-assess and change his behaviour if he wants to.
And if he doesn’t change, well, you’ve lost an annoying PITA friend. It’s not like there’s a shortage of people to be friends with in the world.
I have a friend who is like this–and yes, it can drive me crazy! He is genuinely a nice guy–maybe a hint of the “nice guy” but mostly seems to be genuinely caring and so on. But he sometimes makes people uncomfortable with his niceness–he doesn’t quite understand what is an appropriate level of selflessness. And sometimes he will complain when people take advantage of it. Well, of course they will. If you keep giving something away for free–shoving it into people’s hands, almost!–they are not going to appreciate it as much as if you gave it a normal value.
Not all people are super competitive. Winning may not give him a thrill.
I play 4 times a week. We have a couple guys who call badly. I believe they see the serve as good when the rest of us do not. But .I believe they see it that way. They defend their calls and insist they are right. They are just being human.
As long as he plays well enough and hard enough for you to get good exercise ,it is fine. Want more ,challenge other players and join tournaments.
Aah, you’re friends with a doormat. I worked with one of those, and I know how infuriating it is.
I’m guessing he doesn’t really play to win, he just plays for the fun and social aspect. If you want to play more competitively, you’re gonna have to find someone else to play with.
He sounds like exactly the kind of person we all think we want our kids to grow up into. Polite, respectful, friendly, cooperative, sympathetic, giving. In short, a man who is comfortable being the Omega in a world of people competing to be the Alpha. People in the first world have gotten so personally empowered that our competitions can now be damaging to ourselves and those around us. If we’re to survive, as a culture/species, we HAVE to be the one willing to give up a point instead of fighting over it.
What’s to prevent a person from demonstrating both characteristics at the same time? If you fuck with me, I’ll fuck with you right back. I’ve cost people their jobs, their houses, even their businesses. But if I find a stray kitten I’ll spend the entire weekend on the phone and driving all over town trying to find a home for it. I guess that’s kind of a weirdly phrased example, but you get the general idea. I think what I’m trying to say is that competitiveness and acquisitive behaviors are not mutually exclusive with social responsibility.
Maybe he finds arguing over such things annoying or boring (or both), so he’ll let the other person win instead of getting into an argument that he wouldn’t enjoy. His doing this does mean there is less arguing and more playing, and that makes sense if he likes the playing but not the arguing. This sounds a little like how I feel when someone ahead of me in line at the grocery store gets into an argument with the clerk. I want to slap down whatever amount of money they’re arguing over myself, just so I wouldn’t have to listen to them argue. (I know some of them are doing it on principle, though, so my idea wouldn’t even work)
As a self-identified marshmallow, I can attest to this. I’m not as bad as the guy in the OP, but I generally don’t have a problem with doing what someone else wants. The trick is, this includes my friends. I try to talk to one and they tell me they can’t talk, I’ll go away. They tell me they need my help with something, I’ll help. They tell me I need to stop apologizing for something, I’ll stop.
I’m actually in trouble with an online friend right now. From her POV, I kept bothering her when she didn’t want to be bothered until finally she got seriously pissed off. From my POV, she never told me she didn’t want to talk to me, so I kept on while she was politely listening until finally she exploded and told me the truth. Quite honestly, I was more relieved than anything when she did, because I was getting the suspicion that I was being overbearing but had no evidence to back it up.
Have you actually talked to your friend about this, PCS? He might be more open to adjustment than you think, and probably won’t get upset at you getting upset. Possibly. You know him better than I do, of course.
His conceding points in the game is the thing that bothers me the least. Honestly, it’s n o big deal - he’s not very competitive, he doesn’t take the game seriously, he’s just there to have a good time. It’s really not that big a deal.
The fact that he keeps on stopping the game to make sure that no-one else wanted the court… *that’s *worrying. There’s a difference between being easygoing and being a doormat.
Poor College Student, sometimes being a good friend is telling your friends things they don’t want to hear. You really need to tell the dude to chill and that he’s making an unintentional ass of himself by being too nice. Explain that the fun is in the competition.
Also suggest he and you read up about passive aggressive disorder, because he sounds like a prime candidate.
I have told him about it numerous times, and I do shout, or just serve when he’s walking to ask the people outside, and count the serve as my point. I’m trying to balance out his selflessness with some of my own asshole attitude. But I’m sorry, I meant to get more at my annoyance with his whole attitude, “a regular Ned Flanders”, than any one particular thing he does. I tell him about it, but there’s always something new that is just aggravating.
Anyway, it’s “A good friend Tim and I go to play racquetball.” Or if you don’t mind sounding stilted, “I and a good friend Tim and go to play racquetball.”